My name is Lee-Ann Hanham
Also known as Lee Hae-Kyung
I was
Born in Seoul, Korea as
I've been told
And I'm 44 years old
I was adopted when I was two
On my birthday
On my second birthday
I was adopted to a caucasian family out on Long Island
Both parents are educators
I have two older brothers
Biological to my parents
And then I also have a sister
Adopted from Korea
Not biological to me
We were the only two on the block
We
Looked different from everyone else
But it was nice having
Someone
Who got it
Even if we never spoke about it
I think she
She just struggled
With stuff
And
So there was
By default there was always
Kind of the good one versus
The bad one
And so
I took the role on
I worked
Super hard
I graduated high school early
I graduated college early
I wanted to get the good grades
I thought
I needed to do that
I felt I had to be
Perfect
High school is tough
For anybody
It's just a difficult
Difficult time
And there was just some family conflict and
I remember connecting with the
The high school social worker
Through circumstances and
I ju- she was so
Lovely
And she just
Allowed me
To be
And so I could talk about
School, I could talk about home
I could talk about friends
And it just
Was okay
And I thought
God
That's pretty special
And that's
That was a big motivator for me to become a social worker
There was always this kind of loyalty
Right?
First off
It was my sister and I
And then
We knew
A couple of other adoptees
But there- we weren't really connected
It was in the time frame of
They're American, Americanize them
They're part of the family
Don't talk about it
And everything will be fine
So we just kind of went with that
And then
Kind of exploring and meeting other people
I was in shock when I met people who
Were connected with their
Korean families and
And I would internalize these questions
What would that mean?
Would that-
How would that work and
And it does
And it also doesn't
And I don't
Know if I wanted to kind of
Go down that road
There were a couple of opportunities where
A couple of people had said
We can help you and-
I have friends who have gone through
Different avenues to connect with their Korean families
And that's amazing
And I'm so happy for them
I just don't
Know if I
Have the energy for it to be very honest
I was always waiting with
Like when was that going to hit me of
Okay, so now I have my family
I need to- I need to know
It hasn't
I worked really hard to create the family
That I have
And that to me
Means everything
Growing up not having a genetic connection
Never knowing what that
Looked like, what that felt like and
Now being able to look at my two children
And to see those similarities of
Wow my
Son gets his skin tone from me
Now being able to do that like my
Adopted family did
That's pretty amazing
For a long it was a
Big process to
Grown into me
Was a lot of personal
Work
I'm kind of proud of
Where I am
And I want to share that with my kids so
I can instill a sense of pride in who they are
And they are a part of this adopted community as well
My daughter who is seven going on seventeen
She always
Periodically she has this amazing mind
Periodically she'll just say
Wow, I'm really sorry that you
You know, that your
Your birth parents could raise you and
That wasn't
It
I maybe may have said that once
You know and
But that's something that she has kind of held on to
And we talk about it and we
I talk about
The family that I've created and how important that is
We talk about how important how Grandpa and Granny are
But that they're there
And that we are connected to Korea and that
The hopes of getting back there
Just to kind of experience
That world
My husband is
His parents were born and raised in the Philippines
And then came here
He doesn't speak the lang- Tagalog
He understands it
But doesn't really speak it and
I think we're
We're connected in that way
It's just we look the part
But then if we go
We can't play it, right?
You weave in and out
And I think
The most important piece is you have to navigate through it
It's okay to have big feelings
We all have them
It's what we do with them right?
And so it's finding that appropriate
Channel, whether it's through
Writing or through poems or through
Sitting down with a therapist
Or taking medication if need be
Not forever but for right now
To just help you cope and help you get through this period
That's strength
My name is Lee-Ann Hanham
And this is my
Korean American story