- "The pyramid of intellect.
Trust me bro."
Honestly, that's what social media has turned into.
Everyone is just, "Trust me bro."
They don't even ask for the trust.
They say it with enough confidence people believe it.
What do you think I earned these scrubs for?
(dramatic music)
"When you die, which body part dies last?
The pupils, they dilate."
Okay, that's good.
But if I had to pick which body part dies last,
I don't even know if it's considered a living thing,
but I would say your toenail.
Big brain.
Move is what I say.
"Nervous system when confidence system walks in." (laughs)
Remember a bone without a skeletal system
is really just a puddle.
A body.
Wait.
What did I say?
"Best not to tell this guy any secrets."
What?
I don't understand, what's the secret?
He spilled popcorn.
What is on the floor?
It looks like hot dog bits.
Who do you not tell any secrets?
Someone who has a big mouth.
- [Cameraperson] And what would that person do?
- Oh, they would spill your secrets.
Wait, that's not it?
- [Cameraperson] You're still almost there.
- They would spill the beans. - Yes.
- "Purell paper cut locator." (laughs)
So true.
Every time I walk out of a patient's room,
I get like PTSD reminder of earlier in the day
when I was filing patients' labs.
And I don't know why patients' lab reports
tend to be a thicker quality of paper,
and despite being thicker, it slices better.
It's like more firm, right to the point,
really delicate on the epidermis.
And also, Purell's good if your hands just need a cleansing
of bacteria and viruses.
But if you have soiled hands, wash them bad boys.
"I would help but" Tide?
By tied?
Too tied?
My hands are tied.
"When you're half asleep and your body pulls
that fake fall (beep) on you."
I am the monster twitcher when falling asleep.
And the reason this happens
is because the brain thinks you are fully,
fully asleep and thinks it can move inside your dream
and have reactions,
but you haven't reached that deep state of sleep
where your muscles are fully paralyzed
and therefore you twitch and then you end up
waking yourself up
'cause you're not in that super deep sleep.
This happens more when you're sleep deprived by the way.
Asher Perlman, I love these comic strips.
"Are you the widow?
I mean wife. Oops."
Oh my god.
I get secondhand ick reading these
because I feel like that's something that would happen.
Like, they would walk out and say something presumptuous,
and it's presumptuous
because they already know what happened
and they just haven't told a person.
Oof.
"Do sharks play the harmonica like this or this?"
Oh yeah, probably like the second image.
But also I feel like sharks don't play the harmonica.
"This how bro sleeps."
That's how I sleep.
And you know what happens when I sleep this way?
Low back pain.
And now I realize what the secret is to fighting back pain
in this position,
you gotta take the pillow, or at least another pillow,
and put it underneath your abdomen
to support your lumbar spine from collapsing
and becoming over lordotic.
I have a lordotic lumbar spine.
Lordotic, lordotic lumbar spine.
Say it with me, lordotic, lord.
So the lumbar is extra lordotic,
which means it's extra mm,
which gives me a little mm.
"Presumably good at helping people stay alive.
Dr. B. Gee."
Stayin' alive, oh, I can't sing it.
And we're just gonna know that if you do chest compressions
you do 'em to the tune of "Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees.
There's actually a whole other like genre of songs
you could listen to as long as there're a hundred beats
per minute.
Actually Anjelah Johnson-Reyes was on my podcast.
♪ Stayin' alive, stayin' alive ♪ - Oh yeah.
- Yeah, so to that beat.
- Oh I was like, wait, that song is about chest compression.
- That's not the case.
But it should have been.
"You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, get ready for"
flemur on a femur.
"Make healthcare cheaper or Draw 25."
The government. (laughs)
The government wants to make healthcare cheaper.
They're just incapable of solving this issue.
Not because they're not smart enough,
it's because they've systematically destroyed healthcare
to such a point that it's become so complicated
that they now don't understand what they've done.
Good luck, reverse, you lose.
"Reminder that there's no proper way to do CPR
and it's totally normal to have your own style
and technique, be you."
This is like this whole new thing where it's like, "Do you."
No, no, no, don't.
This is not a do you situation.
But chest compression, there is a proper way of doing it.
There's a BLS certificate that you can get,
which is basic life support that'll teach you how to do it.
In fact, if you wanna go to one of the airports
listed right here or science museums,
there's a little device that I partnered up
with the American Heart Association
that teaches you how to do chest compressions.
"My immune system whenever I get a cut."
White blood cells, attack.
Yeah, that's actually exactly what happens.
And not just white blood cells, but platelets.
"American healthcare."
Love harmacy.
What?
I'm assuming it's supposed to say pharmacy
and the P just fell off or was Photoshopped off.
Harm? Oh!
I get it.
Like, it harms you instead of farms you.
I mean not farm, you know, you know what I mean.
Stop acting like you don't know what I mean.
I'm about to call out the pharmacies,
all the major pharmacies.
What are you doing with all the miracle supplements?
I found out that there's an aisle now,
it might as well be called Miracle Supplement Aisle.
It seems like if you take the stuff in that aisle,
you will become thinner, faster, stronger, sexier,
last longer in bed, give birth to a Newfoundland.
The claims on these bottles are becoming ridiculous.
"When you read a scientific paper
years after leaving academia
and try to remember what the retroangular chondyliform
fenestral globulus of the antero-posterior gobbledebone is.
Now you're just some body part that I used to know."
You know what's weird about that music video?
A, epic.
B, stuck in my head to this day.
C, their mouths, especially the main singer's mouth,
blew my mind.
I don't know what about the mouth and watching him sing
was like hypnotizing to me.
And yes, when you leave medicine
and like, you leave the academic setting,
and there's all these things
and you realize how useless it was to learn it,
it's painful, it's expensive,
but there's still something about it that seems like
it was valuable.
Like, knowing the idea of it was valuable.
You know when you have a really bad relationship
and you were scarred,
but then like you became a slightly better person?
I say slightly because you you're still a little bit scarred
and you're kind of a worse person in some ways,
but you're mostly a better person.
Imagine that being medical school.
- [Children] Hurray!
"My body: gives me signals to sleep the entire day.
Me: goes to bed.
My body: Well now I am not doing it."
This is me every single day.
Exhausted all day, overworked, so tired,
but now that I've kind of gotten
past the point of sleepiness, now I'm tired but wired,
which is a dangerous place to be,
'cause now you're gonna ruin your following day.
And you know what I've come to realize?
That if you're sleepy at 8:00 PM you're like,
"Oh I can watch a movie.
I can stay up and not go to sleep.
I'll be even sleepier."
No!
Treasure the sleepiness and head to the bed
because if you let that sleepiness moment pass,
hard to get it back.
"Someone replace this receptionist."
"I got tested for a bunch of STDs."
A bunch.
"And they didn't get back to me for a week.
So I called and the woman was like,
'Okay so you got chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV,
and you tested negative for all of them.'
Ma'am, why would you say it like that?"
Well first of all,
receptionists don't give medical information over the phone.
Usually it's the doctor and if it's not the doctor
it's someone that works with the doctor, the PA, the nurse,
because you want to avoid things like this.
And if you're gonna give someone the news
that they have like a serious condition
or serious diagnosis, don't do it over the phone.
Like, that's just rude.
"Me after turning a pimple into an open wound: skincare."
Yeah, don't do that.
People are like, "Mike, is it safe to pop your pimples?"
I'm like, "Is it safe to perform surgery on yourself?"
Maybe if you're an Antarctica and you're a Russian surgeon
and that's the only route you have because you're gonna die.
It's actually something that I covered in one of my videos
of amazing survival stories.
Link down below.
"Hemoglobin is red.
Cyanosis makes me blue.
The doctor ordered beta blockers
'cause my sympathetic output increases around you."
Aw.
Beta blockers are a type of medication
that controls sympathetic output.
Actually there's a a medication called propranolol,
which some people use off-label to use to give speeches.
Some presidents have talked about it openly.
Some musicians have talked about it openly,
because what it prevents your body from doing
is, like, making your heart race like crazy,
some people don't get sweaty palms,
all the, like, sympathetic fight or flight type responses
kind of get calmed down but it doesn't impact your mind.
So your mind still feels good.
"My ancestors who fought off wild animals
watching me have a panic attack in the grocery store."
(chuckles) There's definitely a generational shift.
Actually just talk about that with KSI.
- For them, they never really believed in,
like, mental health or anything like that.
- Sure. - Especially with my mom.
She thinks it's witchcraft or something like that
and it's like, nah, nah.
- We might be more safe.
There might be not wild animals around us.
There might be less crime
but there's other problems that have arisen
and part of that is an explosion of anxiety and loneliness.
Especially because of the pandemic.
So to you, who's lonely at home, I say,
"Hello, hope you're having a wonderful day."
"Push, miss, push!
Wait, this isn't a delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What?
Did they pay for this ad?
'Cause that's ridiculous if they did.
"My gut when I eat too much fiber.
My gut when I don't eat enough fiber."
Honestly, true.
There's a balance.
Just like everything with life.
The dose makes the poison.
Drink enough water, you drown, not literally,
you wash out your electrolytes.
That's why we gotta be careful when we put things
with labels as all good or all bad
'cause that's not the reality.
If you have too much of those things
it could become a problem.
The answer is always, it depends.
If there's anyone on social media going out and saying,
"This is why you're having pain."
Or "If you press right here."
I'm not even saying pressing right here
won't even have the effect that they're saying,
but this ain't solving it for everybody.
Check out my teen nephews try to explain
what periods are to me, a doctor.
Yes, it gets weird, but it's a really good time.
You can probably learn something.
As always, stay happy and healthy.
(upbeat music)