- Hey everybody!
It's finally Friday,
and I'm really glad because it's been a long week.
I've been kinda sick and tired and you know...
But enough about me complaining,
because I'm actually starting to feel better.
I am still congested, and you know when you sniffle a lot,
and then you sneeze a lot, and then people look at you,
like you have the plague?
Like, no I promise, I'm on antibiotics
and everything's good.
But anyway, I'll be glad to be through with this.
So since it's Friday, I'm on Facebook
and I have three questions as well as a journal topic.
Thanks Lydia, for that.
Wow, I'm having trouble speaking today.
But without further ado, let's get started.
First question.
"Hi Kati, hope all is well.
Here's my question:
would it be appropriate for me to ask my therapist
to come and see one of my dance performances?
I've been seeing her since March,
and will continue to be seeing her
for my depression, eating disorder, et cetera.
My show isn't until January.
Would it be okay to ask her to come?
Would that be overstepping boundaries?
Thanks."
This is a really good question
because it's something that has been on my mind
more and more lately,
the boundaries within therapy and therapeutic relationship
and how we navigate that, and what's okay,
and what's not okay.
And this is a perfect example of something
that's definitely okay.
Now, as a therapist, ethically,
it's not a legal manner, it's ethical.
It's up to us to decide kind of
what we think is appropriate for our patients.
Now, I've gone to patients' performances before,
whether they're in plays or even sports games and stuff,
depending on what I feel is good for them.
Sometimes it's part of the healing process,
and me showing them, and expressing care for something
that we've been working on.
Like, this was a step they took,
joining a dance team, or joining a sport,
or playing an instrument, or whatever it is,
then I would definitely go.
And that would be part of our treatment plan,
would be that they would have that,
and we would talk about it.
Where the line is drawn is different for every person,
but weddings, we don't usually attend.
Because then how do we tell family members
how we know the bride or the groom, or who are we?
It gets a little tricky when it gets to that stuff.
But when it comes to, random people coming to watch
whoever is up on stage, and there's no real interaction
we have to communicate with others
to tell them why we're here or who we know,
then it's usually fine.
So, I hope that kinda helps explain it.
Boundaries with therapy can be very gray,
and it's kinda hard to tell what's best,
but that's how I usually decipher it.
If I'm gonna have to interact with someone
and tell them why I'm here and who I know,
then I probably won't go.
I don't want to breach confidentiality with my patient.
Question number two.
"Hey Kati, I'm being bullied a lot at work,
and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
I've tried to stand up for myself several times,
but it always backfires, make me feel even smaller.
I was bullied as a child in school,
and I was emotionally abused by my sister,
so I tend to take it and not say anything.
But lately I've been coming home from work,
and just crying my eyes out.
What can I do?
Help.
Keep up the awesome videos."
Well, thank you.
I want to talk about this because,
the annoying thing I find,
and this is like a sociological observation,
with people, bullies tend to find those of us
who have been bullied before.
Like she said, they usually just tend to take it.
And they tend to find us.
I don't know if it's just them noticing
that we're more easygoing, or we're more passive,
or we don't really like confrontation or conflict
or I don't know what it is,
but it tends to happen.
And so, something that I would do,
since you've already tried standing up for yourself...
Because my number one thing I always tell people,
is speak up for yourself,
I find it's better to not,
don't yell or raise your voice,
but just say things like,
"we're all adults here and I would appreciate it
if you didn't speak to me that way."
Or, "I've noticed that you're being very pushy with me,
and that's not the way I operate in work."
Or whatever you need to say.
I don't know exactly what's going on,
so depending on the situation,
I would encourage all of you,
if this is happening to you, to speak up for yourself.
To try to resolve it between you and your coworker.
If that doesn't work, go to HR.
Human Resources, if you don't know what I'm talking about.
HR, that's what they're there for.
They're there for you to potentially
file complaints against people.
If this person is up the level in seniority
or is your boss or someone like that,
then even worse.
You definitely can file a report
and a complaint against them that way.
But I would go to HR and let them know what's going on,
let them know that you've tried to speak up for yourself,
because that's what they're there for.
At the very worst, they will make you sit down
with the boss, like the big, big boss,
and you'll have to try to work it out.
They'll like mediate.
And then you can really put together your plan
about what you want to say,
and how you want to say it, and come prepared.
And I know that sounds really scary,
and a lot of you are like,
oh, I don't want that to happen, holy shit.
But you deserve it.
You don't need to feel scared to go to work.
You don't have to come home from work and cry.
You deserve more than that,
and bullies need to be put in their place.
And they can get fired,
and people can't treat people like that,
and we can't have a hostile work environment,
so those are your rights.
I'd go to HR, I'd file a complaint,
I'd do everything you could,
because you shouldn't have to go through that.
That's not fair, right?
That's not right.
Okay, question number...
And anybody has any advice on that,
if you guys know more about it
because I work for myself mostly
and then I've worked in clinics
and it's a very small, niche group of people
and I never really had this whole hierarchy.
So if you have more experience,
and you can tell me more of the steps that you went through
when you did file a complaint or talk to HR,
that would be great, let us know.
Question number three.
"Can we have PTSD even if we can't remember
all the details of our abuse?"
Yes.
We can PTSD if we don't even remember we were abused.
We can have all the symptoms
because there's this interesting thing in our brain,
where it can decide what we remember or not.
It's almost like, it's part of dissociation, to me.
I know that there's a lot of people that disagree
or think something different,
but part of dissociation is our brains survival technique,
to pull us out of it so that we can kind of
still manage our life and still deal enough.
It allows us to forget and not be present
for bad things like that.
So we can definitely have PTSD even
if you don't remember the details.
I would encourage you, if any of you are out there,
and you feel like you have all the symptoms of PTSD,
and you're really struggling,
find a therapist that works with PTSD,
that specializes in it, that works with abuse victims.
Even if yours isn't abuse,
they tend to be more well-versed
in a lot of the CBT techniques
that we use when it comes to PTSD.
And they can be a little softer and slower,
and they'll understand your process a little bit more.
So that's what I would encourage you to do,
but yes, you can definitely have those symptoms
without even remembering the abuse.
Okay, the journal topic.
Thanks again, Lydia, for this, says,
"Don't worry about those who talk behind your back.
They're behind you for a reason."
I really like that, I'm gonna say it again.
"Don't worry about those who talk behind your back.
They're behind you for a reason."
That's very powerful, I like it.
And she says, "What are you worrying
about this weekend that you shouldn't?"
So that's part of her journal topic.
So, I would write that quote down,
write about what that means to you.
Maybe it's like self-empowerment.
You're ahead of them, you're in front of them, you know.
They don't have the guts to say something to your face,
then they can just shut the hell up.
You know, stuff like that.
It can be really empowering.
And also, what are you worrying about this weekend
that you shouldn't?
Let's all have a free, wonderful weekend
full of fun and hopefully not too much sweat.
It's really hot in LA here again.
And enjoy yourself.
And send me pictures of you doing fun things
with your friends and your family
and your pets and all that stuff,
'cause I love to see it.
I'll see you all on Monday,
and I'll be on Tumblr on Tuesday,
so ask your questions there.
Bye!