- I'm surprised when people say
"I need to find my other half,
"I'm looking for my other half to complete me,"
because you're not a half, you are a whole.
And when you're a whole,
you would not go through life trying to meet
someone else's needs, putting yourself last,
validating someone else, because that actually doesn't work.
I'm going to show you how to feel whole
just the way you are, how to validate yourself,
not someone else,
and then, you are far more likely to find love.
When you rely on your partner to make you happy,
when you believe your other half will complete you,
you're actually forgetting who you are.
And if you want to find love it is vital
that you are a person that has your own needs,
your own life so that when you meet someone else,
you can blend together.
When you go into a relationship where, "I'll sacrifice,
"all my needs." "What do you want?"
"I want what you want."
"Where do you want to go?"
"I just want to go where you go."
In the beginning, that's quite lovely,
"I just want to be with you, I don't care where it is,"
but that is not sustainable.
And we forget that we're our own person
with our own goals, our own desires, our own dreams.
And you should not have to give those up for another person.
You may have to compromise,
but you going into a relationship with your own goals,
your own needs, your own drive, is actually very sexy.
Confidence is really, really sexy.
And someone who says, "Well, I'll just do what you do,
"I'll be secondary to you, I'll just follow you around,
"and fit into your world," is not sexy.
And even if that worked for the other person,
which rarely does,
because if your partner has dreams and goals and ambitions,
they want you to have them too,
even if you met someone that said,
"I love the fact that you've made your life secondary to mine,"
even if they were blissfully happy, you wouldn't be happy.
That's what "Desperate Housewives" came from.
Women in the sixties who gave up their career,
stayed at home, raised children,
and felt desperate because when those children left home
they had empty nest syndrome.
Well, if your nest is bigger and busier and full of things
you can't have empty nest syndrome.
So whatever relationship you're in,
whatever orientation you are,
you will not complete your life
by putting someone else in front of you,
making their needs more important than your needs,
and even hiding your own needs
and pretending you haven't got them.
You see, you can't go thinking, "My life is incomplete,
"but when I find my other half, it will be complete."
You have to go through life saying, "Right, this is my goal,
"this is my dream, this is my desire,
"and I'm going to keep pursuing what I want,
"and on the way I'm going to find someone amazing,
"he will fall in love with my soul."
And if you can come at it that way, "Okay, this is my life,
"what can I do to make it amazing, to make it full,
"to make it wonderful?
"What can I do?"
And when you're that person who's happy and self-contained
you are far more likely to find someone else
who is wowed by you, enthralled by you, captivated by you
because you're a real person.
Paul McCartney said that when he met Linda McCartney
what he loved about her was she had a five-year-old.
She was taking her daughter to the dentist,
she was taking her to the doctor, she was taking her to school.
And he said, "I loved that.
"I was so used to girls saying,
"'Well, I'll just do what you want.'
"And here was a woman, a grown up woman with an agenda,
"putting her child first, and I found Linda captivating."
And he loved Linda her entire life.
He didn't love her because she was
a stunningly beautiful model,
he loved her because she was a real person with a real life.
And I've met many, many clients who say
"I fell in love with my partner because they had kids
"because they were busy, because they had a career
"because they had interests or passions or goals or desires."
And if we know that works, why would we give up
the things that make us fascinating
and compelling and enchanting in order
to make someone find us fascinating,
compelling and enchanting.
Someone's going to fall in love with who you are,
what you stand for, what interests you.
And if you give all that up to make them love you more
they might actually love you less.
So take a minute and think about what you really,
really want.
What are your goals?
What are your desires?
What are your ambitions?
What makes you happy?
Because only you can make you happy.
And by the way, if you find someone
that completes you and makes you whole,
and something happens and they leave your life
now you're back to incomplete and not whole.
So you have to really complete yourself. I love my husband
but I had a complete life before I met him.
In fact, just before I met him I was in Africa
and I was staying at this lodge.
They put me in the honeymoon suite
and every day they would walk me to this honeymoon suite
in the middle of nowhere and say, "Well, this is so sad.
"Here you are in this honeymoon suite with no husband."
A month before that I was giving a talk
and they also put me in the honeymoon suite.
And I didn't think, "Oh," I thought, "This is amazing
"I'm in this honeymoon suite,
"with this jacuzzi at the end of the bed,"
and it was so lovely.
I didn't think, "Gosh, I need my other half in this bed,
"in this jacuzzi, in this room to feel complete."
I was complete, I was blissfully happy, I thought "You know what?
"If I never meet someone, I'm absolutely happy."
And 10 months later I was married
because I think I got to a stage of being so complete
that I didn't look as being put in a honeymoon suite
as, "Oh, what I'm lacking," I thought it was great,
I enjoyed all the benefits of this amazing luxury place.
So think about what would complete you
aside from your partner, what would make your heart sing?
What would make you happy?
What are your goals, ambitions, dreams, desires,
what do you really, really, really want?
Michelle Pfeiffer was adopting a little girl
when she met her husband.
She didn't cancel the adoption, she went ahead with that.
And he said, he found that
just the most wonderful thing in her.
Seal met Heidi Klum when she was pregnant
with another man's baby.
Although they're not together now,
they had a good relationship
and created three more children.
And yet you'd think, "Gosh,
"wouldn't that put someone off,
"I'm pregnant with another man's child,
"I'm adopting a child that isn't
"part of the person who's just come into my life?" No,
many of my clients with children say,
"Well, when I met my partner, he fell in love with them
"and me."
I met a very, very famous rock star
who told me that when he met his wife to be,
it was her relationship with a little girl
that made him fall in love with her.
And although they went on to have three children together
that girl was always his favorite.
He loved her the most
because he just found something about her compelling,
and he loved the fact that he, his future wife
and his future wife's daughter built this amazing family.
And she was always his favorite
yet she wasn't genetically his.
So think about what you have to offer,
what you have to give and realize that
being your own person, having your own drive,
creating your own world makes you more exciting.
Of course you can share it,
but if you don't wait for someone to make you whole,
they can never take that away.
You have to believe that you are whole
now, you're not a half.
You're a whole, you have a whole life,
you're a whole person and you have desires and dreams
and you can share your amazing life with someone else
who's also whole, who also has their desires and dreams,
and you can have an amazing relationship together.
When you know you're whole,
you don't live in fear of "What if they leave,
"What if it goes wrong?
"What if I would die without you?
"I would fall apart, I can't live,
"if living is without you,"
that's a song that is simply not true.
When you find great wonderful amazing love,
if for some reason it doesn't work,
your template is to find great, amazing, wonderful love.
And you will find it again,
of course Paul McCartney, he loved Linda,
but now he loves Nancy.
She's also a woman with her own life
and they are happy together.
There's never just one person who's your soulmate.
I don't even like that twin flame, where there's no other.
There is so much love available for all of us,
and there is love available.
You cannot and must not sell yourself short,
hide who you are, diminish, lessen, shut down who you are
to be someone else's other half.
All those wedding cards that go, "You two are one."
I met someone who'd been married for 50 years
and he said, "Me and my wife we're the same person."
I thought that was very sweet
but I also thought, "That's not true.
"No two people ever become one,"
he believed it, we're one person.
That's okay.
They're incredibly happy in their seventies.
But for most people that wouldn't work
because for most people,
one person is giving up their needs and desires
to satisfy the needs and desires of the other person.
So one person feels less than, and that can never work.
Be yourself.
The more you can be yourself, accept yourself
and know that you are enough,
that you're worthy of love, but you have a complete life.
Anyway, the more you're likely to find amazing love
that lasts forever because you haven't surrendered yourself
to someone else, you're still your own person.
They are their own person,
because one of the things that makes a relationship work
is respect.
For a relationship to work,
you must have best friend chemistry, sexual chemistry
and respect and admiration for the other person
which is hard to have when you're giving up your needs
for them, and they also find it very hard
because they always feel guilty.
So now you know what to do.
So the number one thing that blocks us
from the most deep and meaningful love
is believing we're not enough.
To overcome that, Click the link below,
join my free masterclass and leave knowing,
radiating, resonating the truth,
that of course you're enough for love
and everything else too.