( LAUGHTER ) TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY, AND
TRUMP IS ALREADY THERE, BECAUSE HE'S IN ASIA.
YESTERDAY, TOMORROW, TODAY, HE GAVE A BIG SPEECH TO SOUTH
KOREA'S NATIONAL ASSEMBLY AND PRAISED THE RESILIENCY OF THE
SOUTH KOREAN PEOPLE.
>> IN LESS THAN ONE LIFETIME, SOUTH KOREA CLIMBED FROM TOTAL
DEVASTATION TO AMONG THE WEALTHIEST NATIONS ON EARTH.
LIFE EXPECTANCY HAS RISEN FROM JUST 53 YEARS TO MORE THAN 82
YEARS TODAY.
LIKE KOREA, AND SINCE MY ELECTION EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO
TODAY, I CELEBRATE WITH YOU.
>> Stephen: URRRR!
THAT IS A HARD TURN FROM KOREAN LIFE EXPECTANCY TO "I WON THE
ELECTION."
( LAUGHTER ) DO NOT HAVE THIS MAN GIVE THE
TOAST AT YOUR WEDDING: "CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BRIDE
AND GROOM.
I HOPE THEY HAVE A LONG AND HAPPY MARRIAGE, AS HAPPY AS I
WAS WHEN I HOSTED THE HIGHLY-RATED 'CELEBRITY
APPRENTICE.' TOP REALITY SHOW OF ALL TIME, TREMENDOUS.
I MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
THEN TRUMP CONTINUED TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF.
>> THE UNITED STATES IS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING OF A MIRACLE
ITSELF.
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.
EVER SINCE YOU WERE ELECTED, ALL MY WATER TURNED TO WINE--
TECHNICALLY BOURBON, BUT I'M DRINKING A LOT OF IT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEN--
♪ ♪ ♪ THEN THE PRESIDENT ADDRESSED THE
MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE FACING SOUTH KOREA: GOLF.
>> KOREAN GOLFERS ARE SOME OF THE BEST ON EARTH.
IN FACT-- AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY.
>> Stephen: YES, SO PLEASE DON'T.
>> THE WOMEN'S U.S. OPEN WAS HELD THIS YEAR AT TRUMP NATIONAL
GOLF CLUB IN BEDMINSTER, NEW JERSEY.
>> Stephen: NOW, IT MAY SOUND CRASS, BUT A LOT OF PRESIDENTS
USE FOREIGN TRIPS TO HAWK THEIR PERSONAL PRODUCTS.
REMEMBER, NIXON WENT TO CHINA, BUT HE WAS JUST THERE TO PROMOTE
DICK NIXON'S SALAD FIXIN'S.
"I AM NOT A CROUTON!"
BUT THE BIG QUESTION GOING INTO TRUMP'S TRIP TO SOUTH KOREA WAS
HOW HE'D DEAL WITH THE THREAT FROM NORTH KOREA.
NOW, PAST PRESIDENTS HAVE MADE A POINT TO VISIT THE
DEMILITARIZED ZONE ZONES BETWEEN THE TWO COUNTRIES, OR THE
D.M.Z., BETWEEN NORTH AND SOUTH.
BUT LAST WEEK, BEFORE HE LEFT, THE PRESIDENT WAS PLAYING COY
ABOUT A D.M.Z. VISIT.
>> THE D.M.Z., YES OR NO?
ARE YOU GOING, YES OR NO?
>> WELL, I'D RATHER NOT SAY.
BUT YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, SIR?
>> YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.
>> Stephen: DOES DONALD TRUMP KNOW WHAT THE WORD "SURPRISE"
MEANS?
"I'D RATHER NOT SAY IF WE'RE THROWING YOU A PARTY.
BUT ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, SHOW UP TO THE BOWLING ALLEY AT 5:00, AND
YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.
ALSO, ALSO-- AND I'M NOT ASKING FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON-- CAN
YOU BRING SHEET CAKE?"
SOMETIMES-- SOMETIMES-- SOMETIMES I ENJOY THE JOKES TOO
MUCH.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN, THIS MORNING, PRESS
SECRETARY HARRAH-- I ALMOST SAID "HARRAH SUCKABEE SANDERS.
SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS-- IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG NIGHT.
GATHERED REPORTERS--
OVER!
IT'S OVER!
WE HAD A GOOD RUN, TWO YEARS, TWO MONTHS.
ANYWAY, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS GATHERED REPORTERS WHO
WERE TRAVELING WITH THE PRESIDENT AND MADE A BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT... SORT OF.
BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A BIG SECRET "THAT SHE HAD BEEN INSTRUCTED
NOT EVEN TO UTTER THE LOCATION ALOUD" AND SAID, "THIS IS WHERE
WE'RE GOING" WHILE HOLDING UP A PIECE OF NOTEBOOK PAPER ON
WHICH SHE HAD SCRAWLED THE LETTERS 'D.M.Z.'"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHICH, OF COURSE, STANDS FOR
"WHERE'S THE FJORD?" IN CASE THEY'RE GOING TO NORWAY.
IT WAS ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN, UNTIL THE VISIT TO THE
D.M.Z. WAS CALLED OFF DUE TO FOG.
THAT'S RIGHT, NORTH KOREA!
WATCH OUT KIM JONG-UN!
DO NOT TEST DONALD TRUMP, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, HE WILL RAIN
DOWN FIRE AND FURY THE LIKES YOU'VE NEVER SEEN-- UNLESS IT'S
MISTY.
IN WHICH CASE, SEOUL IS ALL YOURS!