do you want to get out of a manipulating relationship
living with a manipulator and enduring narcissistic abuse can last for years
and escaping a manipulator is not easy so learning how a narcissist loves will help you understand
how to leave this manipulative relationship so today i'm talking about narcissistic
control tactics how a narcissist thinks and their manipulation techniques
hi and well it's fantastic to be back and i do feel like i've been away for far too long so a
huge thank you first of all for all the fantastic messages asking where i am and if i'm okay
you have been incredibly kind and patient but i'm back and it has meant the world
but if you're new to my channel i am sue blackhurst and i bring the world of social
psychology and human behavior into everyday language so if you're fascinated by people and
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be all about you but if you would like some more in-depth content outside of my videos please do
go to the link in the description box below to download my free ebook and how to reframe
self-critical thoughts after being in a relationship with a manipulating narcissist
it's often easy to look back and berate yourself for not paying attention to the red flags sooner
they seem so obvious now but it can be months or years before you see someone's true colours as a
romantic relationship doesn't begin with mental abuse as let's face it
who would stay and tolerate that kind of behavior with somebody that you've only just met but when
you've been with someone for a long time and their behavior suddenly begins to change bursting this
bubble of bliss that you're in your relationship may be moving into toxic and unhealthy patterns
now it can take a while for a person's insincerity to surface but once it becomes evident that you
are now the victim of manipulation all of their previous actions suddenly spring back to mind
as you begin to recall all the things that have happened in the past and just ignored
or put down to a bad mood but now they give you a totally different view of each event
manipulation is a word that gets so much bad press because we talk about you know people
using psychology to manipulate people and we see the action and the person as being malicious
but it's important to note that not only or manipulation is necessarily bad because
we use manipulation tactics in our daily lives if you're writing and delivering a sales presentation
and you use persuasive language to in a contract that's manipulation or a parent playing games to
get the child to eat their vegetables and even the youtubers promoting the subscribe now button all
fall under the heading of manipulation but this is in a good way as it's believed that the other
person will benefit from our encouragement to do as we want when they are making their decision
however when someone is using these skills to get a clear advantage by harming another person
it becomes a destructive force with malicious intent psychological manipulators will appear
to your emotions and hijack your logic they will make you think that they deserve
to be a part of your world often at the price of your own sanity and well-being
living with a narcissistic manipulator is like living in a toxic waste dump because no matter
how hard you try to clean up you will always be contaminated every day starts with the same
process of trying to cover up the toxicity but just as an air freshener is only a temporary
disguise and not a solution pretending that everything is okay will never be a permanent state
so leaving the environment may be the only option but leaving a manipulator is not an easy thing
to do as they will do everything they can to drag you down long after you've walked out of that door
the narcissist is never in the wrong and they will engage in a battle of minds by bombarding you with
phone calls texts and emails playing on your human emotions to evoke feelings of love hope guilt
shame sympathy fear and obligation so let's have a look at some of the manipulative games that a
narcissist will try epiphany faking this tactic is often seen towards the end of a relationship or
when the manipulator senses that they are losing control as maybe you are about to leave now with
this the manipulator will have a revelation or a sudden change of heart or mind they will appear
appear to the emotion of hope that everything will be different in the future the narcissist
will claim that they are working really hard to change their ways claiming it's maybe a
medical condition stating anything from stress and anxiety to clinical depression
they will recognize that they have been selfish and that they're going to implement a plan
to take action and change their behavior but these are all empty and fake words
because they just want to weedle their way back into your life
pleading now here the manipulator will resort to profuse apologizing begging and pleading for your
forgiveness to regain your sympathy if you've ever heard of puppy dog eyes well this is their time to
pull out all the stops to show off their sincerest acting skills they will literally plead and beg
for your forgiveness and try to convince you that it won't ever happen again but be warned because
as soon as they have you back where they want you they will continue to do the things that led them
to beg and plead for your forgiveness in the first place with the likelihood of it being more intense
faking crisis whatever you are going through pales into insignificance as they now have a medical or
other emergency and they will claim that they need you right now i want you to feel guilt and
focus your full attention on them now they might implement this strategy to get you either to stay
or come back to the relationship after leaving because this prevents you from escaping or
to cause a massive diversion from another deception somewhere else that they don't want
you to notice they also use this to make you feel needed and significant in their life why well by
faking a crisis they'll put you in panic mode and this targets your emotions of fear and sympathy
sometimes this could include claiming to having a breakdown or mental health crisis or threats
of self-harm to prevent you from leaving them they might even go as far as to do the big lie
and say that they have a serious terminal medical condition such as maybe cancer or that they've had
a heart attack in the attempt to get you to feel sorry for them so they can lure you back into the
relationship but the problem is that once you ask what can i do or what do you need the manipulator
has now regained control knowing that you will grovel to their every need at a moment's notice
future faking this goes beyond the daydream of how you want the future to play out because
future faking is where they will create a world based upon a perceived reality they will make
promises about your future together and how much you're about to lose out or give up and throw away
by leaving they will instill hope and a vision of a perfect life together but by imagining
what the relationship could be you can easily make the mistake of what this have not seen what the
situation the relationship is right now because the manipulator will continue to make false
promises that can never materialize luring you back into this world of sort of a false security
taking the bait the mind of a manipulator is to trap you with a responsibility you
cannot bail out of by finding a way to get you to invest in them and with them
so they're going to camouflage and act as a genuine desire to promote commitment to you
and your family and your life now this might include maybe buying a home or a car together
a proposal of marriage or even deciding to have children but either way once they have you tied
down both in status and financially they will have you trapped false memories we all remember
different parts of an event and rely on others to fill in the gaps but the manipulator will not only
try to implant their own memories they will create new ones and they will try to get you to believe
the story that they've now created because the manipulator's going to present specific
and unique things to make you feel significant or special in their lives and they'll go out of their
way to feed you with the bits of information that they know are going to touch you the most
they'll bring up special memories photos events and they'll even have a way of speaking that will
evoke feelings of nostalgia and longing it could be inside jokes that the only the two of you share
or it could be those one-off and tiny moments from a holiday or vacation
that were perfect and if you've started to point out things that aren't good in your relationship
they might offer something that will pull you right back into their world
but this is simply to take the attention of whatever it is you are trying to discuss yourself
and reroute it back to feelings that you know of where they want you to be because
they want to make you feel important by selectively highlighting things that adhere
to your heart to make you remember how much you care and how much you need them in your life
crumb throwing so if you've actually managed to escape it might have been a while since
you've last heard from the narcissist but that doesn't mean that they don't still have the skill
and the power to manipulate because out of the blue you can receive this random text message
saying hey how you doing and suddenly your heart flutters with happiness with hope and appreciation
but over time this will build and strengthen this false bond of hope leaving you feeling
confused and wondering if they have changed and if there's a chance of working out this time
now they are going to say all the right things to get themselves back into your mind
and they will give just enough to slowly entice you back in it's a simple gift of attention that
it all it takes is to put this sort of false hope mode back into play so you can continue believing
that the connection is viable and you'll question whether you should give them another chance
and it's easy to think that because someone used to treat you with such affection and care
that you can now fix things but that's not the case manipulators are experts at hiding their
true colours and will only show you what you need to see to get the reaction that they want
there will always have been good times and a glimmer of hope and you know it can be
like that again but to a narcissist they need to gain and keep full control of you
so as soon as you go back and you begin to find your own life again without them constantly by
your side they are going to use whatever tactics they can to cut you back down again because in a
healthy and functional relationship there will still be discrepancies and difficulties but in
a healthy relationship the difference being you communicate and you work through these differences
and emotions don't forget to download my book from the link below and let me have your comments and
topics that you would like me to discuss in future videos do take care and i'll see you next time