Is no contact rude or a mind game? That's what we're going to be talking about in this
video. But first my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to be hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not. Because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you
agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs-up so that we can all tell
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Also, just want to let you know that we do have a course called Connect And Commit. It
helps you to turn little moments with your ex that could go really, really wrong into
opportunities for greater connection. It really only works in seven specific situations, so
I wouldn't recommend that you get it if one of those seven situations doesn't apply to
you. But go ahead and check it out in the link down below, and you can find out what
those seven situations are and see if it might be a good fit for you. But anyway, not going
to twist your arm right now or anything, but it's down there if you want to know.
But right now we're talking about the no contact rule. Is it rude? Is no contact a mind game?
I know that oftentimes all of those other channels that you guys watch, they tell you
that you need to do no contact all the time, that you have to just cut contact and just
mysteriously vanish so that your ex is like, "Oh geez, what happened? Did they meet someone
else? Let me crawl over these broken shards of glass that are conveniently strewn across
the floor here so that I can get back together with you and find out what's going on." True,
in a certain respect, if that's your way of approaching no contact, that actually can
be a mind game by certain people's definition and how you look at it.
As you may know, if you've watched other videos on this channel, I do not necessarily believe
that you always need to do no contact. Just for full disclosure, if this is like surprising
or shocking to you, or if you are new here, because all of the other people hit that thumbs-up
button for this video, and it kicked in and told the YouTube algorithm to show this video
to you, and you are new here for the first time. You may want to check out this video
playlist up there on our take on the no contact rule, what we call active no contact. It's
a little bit different than probably what you've heard out there from other channels.
But check that out if you're curious. I won't go into that too much right now.
But you don't always need to do no contact. But if you do no contact, it should be something
that you are intentionally doing to improve the communication and the connection that
you have with your ex and to improve how you're bringing yourself to the interactions. It
might be that you need to get out of damage-control mode because you recognize that you're in
damage-control mode. It could be that you recognize that, "Hey, for whatever reason,
whenever me and my ex talk, it's causing things to get worse. And so I need to, obviously,
stop what's not working, take a step back and say, 'Okay, what's going on? What do I
need to change? Is there something that I need to correct course with here?' And if
so, 'Hey, let's do it.'" If you're approaching it from that perspective,
then no contact doesn't have to be a mind game. It doesn't have to be something that
you just rudely do to just not talk to someone anymore and force them to contact you, force
them to miss you, force them to crawl over these broken shards of... Again, I don't know
what it is with the broken shards of glass, but people talk about it. Story for another
time. No contact can be something that you actually
do cooperatively together with your ex. It doesn't have to be a mind game, it doesn't
have to be rude if you frame it the right way. For example, let's say you and your ex,
you had a poor interaction, whatever happened. The two of you got in an argument, the two
of you said some heated things, and ended up saying some things that you regret.
You're looking back and you're thinking like, "Wow yeah, us being in contact definitely
did not bring us closer together. Something isn't working. It might make sense to do no
contact or active no contact, like this crazy guy on the internet named Clay talks about."
And so if that's the case, then you can just simply tell your ex, "Hey, given how we interacted
last time, I think it would make sense if we both just took a little break from being
in contact for a little while. I still do value you, and I think that it'd be great
to catch up in a month or whatever. But for now I think, at least for me, I need to take
a little bit of time away. If you don't hear from me for a while, just know that it's not
because of anything that you did, its just me, I need to work on myself."
If you actually tell your ex this or frame it that way, totally not a mind game, totally
not rude at all. That can actually help bring the two of you closer together because now
your ex knows what you're doing, they understand why you're doing it. They don't see it as
some sort of power play where it's like, "Oh yeah, you're just trying to get me to reach
out." Like, "Oh, yeah... " This happens a lot too. People will do no contact and then
sure, maybe it makes things a little bit better, but then they start to connect with their
ex again and then something else happens, another blowout fight or something. They're
like, "Well, should I do no contact again? Is it going to be effective? Are they going
to miss me again? Are they going to realize that, 'Hey, this is some sort of thing like,
'Hey, when the going gets rough, I disappear and make you crawl over these broken shards
of glass or what's going on." And so true. If you're using no contact as
a mind game, as something to force your ex to do something, then they might catch on
pretty quick, after like one or two iterations. And so that is something I probably wouldn't
recommend. But if it's something that you let them know that you're doing, if it's something
that you inform them and it's something that the two of you collectively do together, it
doesn't have to be rude. It doesn't have to be a mind game. It can
be something where it's like, "Hey yeah. That didn't feel good. That's not how I want it
to be when we talk. Let's just take a time out on communicating right now. I think I
have some things I need to work through. It seems like you're maybe still upset about
something. Let's just take a little break for now." That's not rude. It's not a mind
game. It lets them know ahead of time what's going on. It lets them know ahead of time,
why you're doing it. It sets the two of you up to work collectively as a team, as opposed
to opponents, which is what mind games are all about really. It's like seeing your partner
or your ex as an opponent that you have to defend yourself against.
And I know that there's all these like sick, twisted, demented corners of the internet
that say like, "Oh, men and women are fundamentally enemies and you must always try to out game
them or something." And just, if you see your partner as an enemy, you're probably with
the wrong person, let's just put it that way. Okay. But you don't have to do it that way.
You don't have to see your partner as an enemy. You can actually see them as a cooperative
teammate. And both of you are trying to obviously cocreate something that's enjoyable. If the
two of you are in contact, you're in contact because you're hoping that something positive
comes from it, obviously like neither one of you is like, "Yeah, I'm just going to be
in contact and hope that something negative comes..." No, that doesn't happen.
And so you both want the same thing. So you both want to be on the same team. And then
of course you also want to be able to communicate clearly and hey, if you set it up where it's
like, "Okay hey, I think we should take some time apart. This is why don't take it the
wrong way. If you don't hear from me for a little bit." That that sets the two of you
up to have such good communication in the long run. Really it does. And that's really
what a strong foundation is, is built on a strong foundation for good relationship is
built on, is good communication, being on the same team and trust. And if you can start
to demonstrate those things, now that's going to get you set up to have a great relationship
a lot sooner rather than, and I get it. I get it. You think like, "Okay, I'm in a
really bad situation. I just need to use the mind games and the reverse psychology and
the playing hard to get and all the BS stuff that you're seeing on all these other YouTube
channels. And I just need to do that to get back to even, and then when we're back in
a relationship again, I'll do it the right way." It doesn't work that way. You got to
do it the right way from the beginning. Okay. We talked about this in a recent video, but
you want to do it the right way from the beginning. Build the trust up from the beginning, build
the communication up from the beginning and build the teamwork up from the beginning.
And that's going to help you have a much better relationship in the long run.
No contact does not need to be rude. No contact does not need to be a mind game if you do
it the right way. Once again, my name is Clay. Thank you so much for watching this video.
If you do like what we're doing here, it really would help me out. It would really help send
a message to YouTube to help show these videos to more people that might need them or benefit
from them. If you would hit that thumbs up button and subscribe to the channel down below,
it really does help. Also, if you want to learn more about that
connect and commit course, you can find info on that down below. Again, only sign up if
you fall into one of those seven situations, otherwise it's not going to help you. But
if you are in one of those seven situations, it'll probably help you a lot. And also, if
you do want to learn more about our take on the no contact rule, please feel free to check
out this video series over here, more on that there, or you might benefit from this video
right here. Thank you so much for watching by the way.
Thank you for spending a little bit of your day with me. I hope this has been helpful.
And please take care out there. I'll talk to you in the next video.