Um, you know, a lot of my career,
I've, uh, I've made fun of politicians.
And-and now that I'm in this job,
it's mostly American politicians,
but that's because this is America,
and you guys don't really give a (bleep) about anywhere else.
Uh... That's... It's just a joke, but it's true.
Um... now, I,
like, I don't have a problem talking (bleep) about the U.S.,
but sometimes it makes it seem like other countries
don't have problems with their politicians.
Uh, take my president, Jacob Zuma, right?
Uh, no, that's... Sorry, no, that's Idi Amin.
Please take...
No, that's Forest Whitaker playing Idi Amin.
No, that's Larry Wilmore. Why are you...
Oh, no, sorry, whoa, that's Zuma. Sorry.
Sorry, I s... I saw the...
I'm sorry. My bad, Larry, my bad. My bad.
I... Corner of my eye. I'm sorry, man.
Uh, so, yeah, so, that's my president, Jacob Zuma.
All right? And, uh, and this-this guy--
the president of South Africa-- he's no stranger,
uh, to controversy, you know?
He's-he's a man who's faced over 700 charges of corruption,
and that was
And-and I know, I know-- that should have been a red flag
to South Africans, but ever since apartheid,
we-we strive to be color-blind, so all we saw was a flag.
Um... But now, President Zuma
has gotten himself into another bind.
In South Africa the country's president, Jacob Zuma,
is facing calls to resign.
This, after South Africa's highest court
determined Zuma broke the law
in using public funds to renovate his private home.
The constitutional court ruled Mr. Zuma improperly used
$15 million in state funds
for home upgrades.
You know why I love this?
People looking at that going, "which one is his home?"
All of it.
What you were looking at was all of it.
Yeah, President Zuma spent $15 million
to
not build it-- renovate.
Which is an amazing figure.
Partly because he can't even count that high. Uh...
No, and this is not, like, a mean joke.
President Zuma cannot count that high.
This is President Zuma
attempting to say
769,870.
Our membership figures
stood at...
Listen properly.
(clears throat)
(laughter and applause)
You know what, my favorite part,
my favorite part is when he tries to blame the audience
for the fact that he can't say the number.
"700... Uh, listen properly.
Listen. Listen."
It's almost like he's saying to the audience, "Hey, guys,
"this only sounds wrong because your ears are (bleep) up.
Listen properly. Listen. I'm saying it right."
Now, the most glaring thing here wasn't the fact
that he spent $15 million but how he tried to justify it.
For instance, he built himself a beautiful swimming pool
at his house, all right? And then the public said,
"Uh, why is the government paying
for your private swimming pool?" And then he said,
"No, uh, it's not a swimming pool.
This is a fire pool." And the people were like, "Uh, what?"
And he said, "Yeah, you see, this pool is used
"if there's a fire. I take the water from the pool
"and I splash it onto the fire.
So it's a government expense to keep the president safe."
Uh, that-that's an actual thing that he said.
Which is understandable. It's the same philosophy I use
when I claim sports cars on my tax returns
as a medical expense. Uh, the IRS goes, "That's a Ferrari."
And I reply, "No, that's a microphallic compensation tool.
That's what that is." Uh, it's all how you see it.
It's all how you see it.
But, you know, that's-that's one of the downsides
of African presidents. There's so much corruption in Africa,
something you never see in the West.
Unless you look.
The largest leak of secret documents in history.
Publication of what are being called the Panama Papers
this weekend has exposed a worldwide corruption scandal.
REPORTER:
within these documents. Money laundering,
arms and drug deals, tax evasion.
12 current or former leaders,
world leaders, have been named, another 128 politicians as well.
Edward Snowden even tweeting, "This is the biggest leak
in the history of data journalism."
11 million documents. That's ten times what Snowden leaked.
Oh, (bleep)! (laughs)
You know a leak is big when Edward Snowden
is impressed by it. Yeah.
That's like Donald Trump being impressed by your tan.
That's what that is.
-(laughing) Oh. -(cheering)
But this-this Panama Papers scandal is a huge story.
It's still growing. We don't even know what it's...
like, where it's gonna end. Everyone is talking about it.
Basically, the story is that, this weekend,
someone at a Panamanian law firm, uh,
leaked 11 million documents,
11 million documents that revealed the alleged owners
of more than 15,000 offshore shell companies.
Now, at this point, Panama has basically produced
as many leaked documents as they have douchey hats.
Um... This is... Why do... why do people still wear these hats?
I don't get it. You look like such a douche when you wear,
like, a... No. Hey, no, no. No, that...
Don't-don't laugh at that. I wore it once
in, like, 2008. Back when they were cool.
That's not a...
11 million documents. 11 million documents.
Now-now, look, uh, having a shell company
isn't always illegal, all right,
but a lot of very powerful people
are about to be implicated in some dubious (bleep).
Uh, and, by the way, whoever leaked this,
unlike Edward Snowden, they won't find refuge in Russia.
REPORTER:
he's not named specifically in these documents,
but they do reveal a telltale trail set up
by his closest inner circle and worth $2 billion.
No way!
You're telling me the guy who walked through King Midas' doors
to shake hands with Bashar al-Genocide
is up to something shady? Oh, no!
(cheering and applause)
How is anything with Putin still a surprise?
But we're gonna be hearing a lot more about this
in days to come because the list of people is kind of incredible.
REPORTER:
of Pakistan; Jackie Chan, the film star...
No, Jackie Chan!
We trusted you, Jackie!
What kind of kung fu is this?
You know, Jackie Ch... Jackie, my heart is broke.
Now Jackie Chan could get arrested.
We actually have footage of the authorities
apprehending him this morning.
(grunting)
(laughs) Oh, if anyone knows of Jackie Chan's whereabouts,
remember, approach him as a group but then fight him
one at a time.