( APPLAUSE )
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY!
( APPLAUSE )
NICE, NICE.
JON, WE'VE GOT TWO-- TWO OF MY FAVORITE BUDDIES ARE ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
ALEXANDER SKARSGARD.
>> Jon: YEAH ALEXANDER SKARSGARD.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THE STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE "THE NORTHMAN."
YEAH A LOT OF ABS IN THAT MOVIE.
>> HE'S SHOWING IT ALL.
>> Stephen: HE'S GOT, LIKE, A SEVEN-PACK.
>> Jon: YOU GOT TO SELL THE TICKETS.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO.
NOTHING LOOK A LITTLE BUTT TO PUT THOSE BUTTS IN THE SEAT.
THAT'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF FUN TONIGHT, ALWAYS FUN TO TALK TO.
AND BRILLIANT MUSICIAN JACK WHITE IS GOING TO BE HERE
TONIGHT.
( APPLAUSE )
FLORIDA-- A.K.A., AMERICA'S SKIN TAG.
WE REALLY GOTTA GET THAT LOOKED AT.
PROBABLY BENIGN, BUT WORTH REMOVING.
THERE'S A FIGHT BREWING BETWEEN DISNEY AND FLORIDA GOVERNOR AND
MAN LEARNING NOT TO FEED HIS SNAPPING TURTLE PANTSLESS,
RON DESANTIS.
GOVERNOR DESANTIS IS UPSET BECAUSE DISNEY HAS VOWED TO HELP
HAVE FLORIDA'S "DON'T SAY GAY" BILL REPEALED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO CELEBRATING TRADITIONAL FAMILY UNITS: ONE WOMAN AND
SEVEN DWARVES, AS GOD INTENDED.
SO, YESTERDAY, DESANTIS MOVED TO STRIP DISNEY OF SELF-GOVERNING
POWER.
NOW, WHAT IS DISNEY'S SELF-GOVERNING POWER?
WELL, SINCE 1967, DISNEY HAS BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR LOCAL
GOVERNANCE IN AND AROUND DISNEY WORLD, AN AREA KNOWN AS THE
25,000-ACRE REEDY CREEK IMPROVEMENT DISTRICT.
IN THERE, THE COMPANY OVERSEES ENVIRONMENTAL AND LAND USE
RULES, MAINTAINS ALL PUBLIC ROADS, AND PROVIDES FIRE AND
EMERGENCY SERVICES.
NOW, SOME QUESTION WHETHER A PRIVATE COMPANY SHOULD BE
ALLOWED TO SELF-GOVERN, BUT DISNEY'S DONE WHAT NO OTHER
COMPANY HAS: CAPTURED EVERY SINGLE PRESIDENT.
( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY MORNING, AND REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS DELIVERED,
QUICKLY ADVANCING A PAIR OF BILLS TARGETING DISNEY WITHIN
HOURS.
NOW, THIS SEEMS LIKE AN ODD DECISION BY THE
SUPPOSEDLY PRO-BUSINESS PARTY, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING DISNEY IS
FLORIDA'S LARGEST PRIVATE EMPLOYER.
NOT ONLY THAT, DISNEY IS ALSO THE REASON WHY ANYONE GOES TO
FLORIDA-- OTHER THAN SPRING BREAK AND TO DIE.
( LAUGHTER )
DISNEY SUBJECT TO A STATE LAW THAT ALLOWS PEOPLE TO SUE BIG
TECH COMPANIES FOR CENSORSHIP.
OKAY, SO NO MORE CENSORSHIP, DISNEY!
WE DEMAND YOU RELEASE THE "LION KING BUTTHOLE CUT."
♪ IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE ♪ WE'LL BE RIGHT WITH ALEXANDER
SKARSGARD.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )