My fellow Americans and people of the world - this is President Trump and I want to wish
all of you a Happy Purim!
Let us together recount the story of this special holiday.
King Achashverosh was the King of mighty Persia – horrible place.
He decided to throw a huge party.
Not a big as the ones I do every year at Mar a Lago - but very close!
He asks his wife, Queen Vashti, to come downstairs – he wanted to show her off she was very
pretty – obviously not as pretty as Melania but very close!
And she didn’t want to come down, she didn’t want to come down and hang out with him.
She refused.
And so the King beheaded her.
Can you believe that folks??
Like ISIS, horrible.
Not the most stable guy…Probably a democrat.
So he then decides to have a beauty contest to find the next queen.
And quite frankly - he should have called me - because i have the greatest pageants
– everybody knows that – beautiful women – unbelievable women.
So he finds this beautiful woman - Esther – who happens to be Jewish, but she doesn’t
tell him.
Esther is crowned queen.
And Esther’s Cousin - Mordecai, a very talented person, amazing person, uncovers a plot to
kill the king and reports it.
And by the way - it was very accurate reporting - unlike the FAKE NEWS like CNN – which
is the “corrupt news network” – horrible – terrible ratings.
The plot was organized by Haman – a nut job who hated Jews – I call him “Hating
Haman” - Horrible guy - total loser folks!
King Achashverosh promotes the idiot - making him the most powerful - more powerful than
any other official.
Mordecai, who everyone loved - great guy - refused to bow before Haman.
Haman is angry and now on a mission to destroy the Jews after this.
He tells the King that this is terrible and they’re awful people, and he would like
permission to kill them all.
So the clueless King says – sure thing, no problem – he was totally clueless, he’s
like Obama.
The King was a total disaster.
So Mordecai goes to Esther and says "You gotta save our people".
Esther approaches the total choke artist King, which, by the way, was risking her life, because
everyone knows you’re not allowed to approach the King uninvited - it’s like ringing the
doorbell at the White House.
So she invites the King and Haman to a banquet.
Very similar to a White House Correspondents dinner – minus the horrible Fake News.
Esther then entertains the king and Haman, and invites them to a second banquet.
Esther then reveals that she is Jewish to the King, and she pleads for her people.
She accuses Haman of trying to destroy her people.
And by the way he was, what an idiot.
The clueless king, finally smartens up and condemns Haman to die on the gallows that
he built for the Jews.
Finally, like Trump, the King made a fantastic decision!
The Jews defend themselves throughout Persia against those who still wanted to carry the
decree to destroy the Jews.
The Jews, like Trump are winners!
They won and they won very, very big – that I can tell you!
So the Jews proclaimed the holiday of Purim as a festival - to remind us that through
times that look dark, and even chaotic, there really is a divine orchestrator behind the
scenes ensuring everything is going to be alright in the end.
I’m President Donald Trump and you are watching J-TV.
Happy Purim.