: When it is important to obey the husband?
I heard that the Prophet PBUH said that if a husband tells his wife to move the mountain
then she should go and push it.
This it the extent that a women should obey.
My question is that the things that are haram in Islam and the husband asks the wife to
indulge in it, and the wife doesn’t engage in it; similarly like if Islam has made something
permissible like eating ,drinking, sleeping, staying awake or meeting relatives, so if
a husband commands to not go to meet the parents or to sleep or get up according to my wish
then what is the ruling in this case.
Answer: The hadith that you mentioned “ to move mountains”, I have no knowledge about
the authenticity of this hadith.
Speaking of obeying, it is compulsory that a woman does what the husband says but not
in impermissible circumstances.
Like a husband asks his wife not to do purdah then obeying this order is not compulsory.
Instead it is compulsory for the women to do purdah.
For those acts that are permissible, they should be obeyed; like those orders that may
deprive the husband from his basic rights then it is necessary to do what he says.
Unnecessary orders that don’t make sense, then it isn’t compulsory to obey the husband.
For example a hadith mentions that a woman should fast(nafil) if her husband allows to.
The word allow means that maybe the husband wanted to become intimate with his wife or
have intercourse with her but he couldn’t because she was fasting.
Then a very basic right of the husband is being violated.
If the husband is at home then he can stop her from nafil fasts.
But if the husband is travelling then scholars of Fiqh say that he can not stop her form
it.
So the basic principle comes up that useless restrictions that do not harm the husband
aren’t compulsory to be obeyed by the wife.
Those restrictions that harm the husbands rights upon disobeying then it is necessary
– for example that a wife fasts a lot as nafil and she has become very weak, so weak
that she is unable to look after the children then this is harming the rights of the husband.
That she isn’t caring for his kids.
Then in such cases, the wife can skip nafil fasts upon husband’s directions as he knows
she is becoming weaker, unable to look after children and the medicine to correct her deficiencies
would be bought by the husband obviously.
Or she visits her parents so frequently that it is effecting the relation of marriage.
Whenever the husband comes back home from office and the wife is at her parent’s home
then those pious men – those who are listening to this are pious – want that their wife
would be at home and making him smile.
That all tiredness goes away when he chats with his wife and enjoys it.
But as the husband comes home then he gets to know that she is at her mother’s home.
This can be hurting for the husband so the husband can put restrictions on the wife that
you can not go to your parent’s house.
But such restrictions that come under breaking relations isn’t allowed.
Like stopping the wife from going anywhere forever.
Like the time period specified by scholars may be once in a week or once a month,depending
on the circumstances . That now the wife can go to meet her husband.
Because meeting the parents is important for a wife too.
But there is a limit.
So the principles im speaking of is that the house doesn’t run on principles.
The relation of a husband and wife doesn’t work on principles but it works on mutual
understanding.
Wherever there is conflict then principle should be followed – such that right and
wrong is to be decided under the light of principles.
But if someone wants to run a household on principles then the man should have the moral
high ground thinking that its okay for the wife to go there.
But daily visits should obviously not be a part of routine.
So if she goes once or twice a while then the man should be compromising.
The women should also care for the husband if he doesn’t like frequent visits and she
should Thank Allah for such a husband who wants me to stay near him .Such husband are
not found in retail nor wholesale.
So she must compromise thinking that although it isn’t compulsory but I will be rewarded
for obeying him.
So if husbands waive their rights and wives do the things that aren’t even compulsory
for them, then this is how the household lives in love and harmony.
And if there is constant argument of rights then the house cant stay together.
Such rights as mentioned by scholars are to be used during conflicts.
So when there is a fight between the husband and fight and it is needed that the right
person should be identified then this is where principle is to be followed.
The right is decided according to principle.
It shouldn’t be focused much in normal lives and conditions.
The man should waive his rights as much as he can and the woman should serve her husband
as much as she can.