Translator: Kaja Choma Reviewer: 小布 陈
So before I go on talking about myself
I want to start with a quote and that's
the fish that there I just referred to.
The quote says
everyone is a genius but if you judge
a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it'll grow up thinking it was stupid.
and useless
and worthless
and nothing.
Now how do I know?
I was a fish
trying to climb a tree
for a while.
And by a while I mean 10 years
and by a fish I mean a Polish girl
in a society where the whole diversity
thing wasn't quite yet figured out.
Going back 11 years ago
I was 14 and I just moved here with my
family and out of all the incredible places
in the world my parents decided, right,
that the best place to move to
is Dungannon
So we moved to Dungannon and since I was
a teenager I had to go back to school.
And what could school be like when
you just moved to a strange county,
you don't speak the language,
your friends,
your identity,
the life as you know it
have been all taken away from you
and suddenly
you find yourself in a place full of kids
you don't understand.
It's not going to take you that long
to come up with the answer but in case
you are still wondering
it absolutely sucks
and by that I mean
for the first couple years of school I was
being spoken to and treated like I had
a learning disability.
I was laughed at, I was bullied,
even simple things, silly things
like being the last one to be picked
during the PE class.
On this point though, 11 years after
I still don't understand what Gaelic
is about so I don't blame them on this one
But we can only imagine the detrimental
effects experiences like this and social
isolation can have on anyone, let alone
a teenager at the stage of their life when
you're supposed to be figuring out the
world, you're supposed to be building
a sense of self and sense of self-worth.
well, it's not surprising to say that
I could not figure out my world.
I didn't know who I was
I didn't know what my life was about
and I didn't understand why I was punished
and rejected by everything and everyone
around me
in fact it was at that point in my life
less than a year into those experiences
when I became depressed, suicidal AND
bulimic.
And at that point my brain did a quick
calculation and came up with a theory.
A theory that said
Being Polish = being different
Being different = being rejected
Therefore being Polish will always equal
being rejected.
And I did not want to be rejected,
nobody does.
So I did what everyone else would do in my
position, after coming to that conclusion
I did my very best to disown that part
of my identity.
So for years to come
I would spell my name with Y to make sure
it looks more "normal" and that people
know how to pronounce it.
I would distance myself from all other
Polish people and only hang out with
the "normal" local people.
I would work hard at trying to hide
my accent or anything else that would show
that I'm different.
Who was I?
I was a fish
trying to climb a tree
pretending to be a monkey
and hoping
nobody would notice.
Now, I want you to pause
and I want you to imagine - a fish
trying to climb a tree.
How ridiculous is this idea?
Because we all know, fish are not
meant to be climbing trees,
fish are meant to be in the water,
swimming.
So eventually, after years of internal
struggle and some sort of denial
it was time for me to realise it and
get off that freakin' tree.
But realising it was one thing,
actually doing something about it
was a whole new challenge.
Especially, after years of my brain
telling me that as long as I'm different
I will never be good enough
and my achievements will always be worth
nothing.
It was like a record stuck on repeat
playing in my head
year after year after year.
Passing all of my GCSE's after two years
of living in a county
was worth nothing.
Getting a degree from a well respected
University and in a second language
was worth nothing.
Taking a risk to start my own business
before I turned 25 was
no accomplishment at all.
Having a greater vision to be of service
and help other people around me
was again worth absolutely nothing.
Because in my head no matter what I did,
and no matter how much I accomplished
in my life
I was still different and different
always meant being rejected.
just bear with me
And even now,
standing on this stage
there's a part of my brain that insists
on telling me doing a TED is worth nothing
because I don't have anything worthwhile
to say and I don't have the right to stand
here.
But I'm choosing on to listen to that part
of my brain anymore
Because the truth is I do have the right
to stand here
and the truth is
we all do but it needs to start with
embracing ourselves for who we truly are.
How many of us are currently trying to
climb a tree, knowing that we are meant to
swim?
How many of us are holding ourselves back
from reaching our full potential
because we're too afraid of
being different and consequently
of being rejected?
The only way to find acceptance
and the only way to build a life of purpose
is by embracing ourselves for who we are.
We need to give ourselves permission
to be who we are because only then
we can recognise the value we can bring
to the world and only then we can realise
that what makes us different is in fact
the greatest gift we can offer to those
around us.
For me it was embracing being Polish
and realising how much I can help
other people even with simple things like
starting Polish fitness classes that
would help other Polish women who just
like me what to belong and feel equal.
The theme of tonight's event is time.
And time has the power to change a lot
but at a certain point time itself
is not enough.
Sometimes change needs to start with
a decision.
And there's one decision that I believe we
should all make and we should make it
tonight.
It's about time we stop
being afraid
of being different.
The world needs our unique gifts.
So get off that tree,
get into the water,
and watch miracles happen.
Thank you