- So let's talk pregnancy, shall we?
♪ It's vlogmas vlogmas ♪
♪ And it's time to celebrate ♪
♪ Vlogmas ♪
(festive music)
- Good morning everyone.
We're gonna start the day off
by jumping right into the advent calendars.
So, let's go see what's inside of those.
Parker, you've got the Grinch.
Number four.
- Wonder what it is.
I think it's something little or something.
It's a present in the present.
It's a present.
- [Chris] Maybe you can put something in it for the Grinch.
- I don't really like this one.
(laughing)
- Telling it like it is.
Let's put it in your setup,
it'll look really, really neat in there.
- I'll put it by my tree.
- [Chris] Let's see what's in number four.
Ooh.
- Ooh.
- [Chris] All right, here's this.
And, here's this.
I wanna see it when you're all done.
And, Bailey, let's open up your charm advent calendar.
Let's see what you got for your charm bracelet.
It's coming along nicely.
- Yeah, I like this.
Ooh.
- [Boys] Wow.
- [Jessica] She's eager to get it on that bracelet.
- [Chris] Go ahead, put it on.
- Go for it.
Here look, I love that you have red and green on there too.
It's like starting to get Christmassy.
Merry Christams.
- [Christopher] Merry Christams.
- Merry Christams.
- [Chris] And a happy new near.
Did you get all your pieces in?
- So close. - So close.
Is there a blue piece in there still?
- Yes.
Let's see if there's any, what am I making?
- [Chris] No peeking ahead.
You don't wanna know what's coming up in your advent.
- [Jessica] Is that a nine or a six?
This is, what's going on?
What's going on?
You gotta glue on these letters.
- So, I used these self-adhesive numbers,
and they don't really stick very well.
So, I need to go back through and like
crazy glue them on or something.
- They keep getting mixed up and like
the one like the, that we put a one on the three,
and it was like 13, but then we had like two of them.
Then the sixes and the nines are swirling all around.
It's drama.
- I feel like yesterday I was really cocky about this thing,
and now I feel like self conscious
about my number stickers. - No, it's wonderful.
It's wonderful.
But, just learning that we should put
like a little dot of hot glue,
and not rely on the adhesive.
- Yeah, never rely on the adhesive folks.
That will be your downfall.
Okay, so little disclaimer before the next part
of this video, is that Bailey doesn't want
Colleen to see it, or Erik.
So, if you are Colleen or Erik,
skip ahead to this time code.
And, the reason is--
- [Bailey] Colleen Ballinger or Erik Stocklin.
- Right, those ones.
Have to specify.
So, if you're those two people,
out of the people watching this video,
skip ahead to this time code.
And, if you're not, feel free to keep watching.
But, try and keep this secret
'cause this is Bailey's very special gift,
and she doesn't want them to know about it.
So, try and keep the secret.
Ready Bailey? - Uh huh.
- Okay, here we go, secret time.
- Secret time.
- [Chris] What are you working on?
- We don't have to whisper.
- [Chris] Oh, okay.
What are you working on?
- A stocking for Auntie Panties and Erik's baby.
- [Chris] It's a little stocking
for the little baby that's coming.
And, she's sewing it herself.
Did you cut out this pattern all by yourself?
- Um hm.
- [Chris] You designed this whole thing?
- Um hm.
- [Chris] This is super cool.
And then, on the inside here,
this is gonna get flipped inside out.
- [Bailey] Um hm.
- It's little candy canes.
Which is your favorite candy.
How long have you been making this stocking Bailey?
- I have been making this stocking
for probably like about a month now.
- [Chris] A month?
- Yeah, but I haven't been working on it very lately.
I did like all this, and then all this today.
- [Chris] Well, it's looking really good.
- I'm done.
- [Chris] You're done?
- Not with the whole thing.
I'm gonna sew like a little velvet thing around here,
and I have to flip it inside out too.
- [Chris] I think they're gonna love this Bailey.
- Thank you.
- [Chris] Okay Bailey,
it looks like you turned it inside out.
- Yup.
- Or outside in. - I finished it.
- [Chris] Inside inside, inside inside.
Turn it outside. - Outside in.
- [Chris] Outside outside.
'Cause the outside's not in.
See, if you turn it the right side out.
- Right side out, yeah.
- [Chris] Those are the words.
And then, you've got this lovely velvet.
Very soft.
And, you're gonna do what with that?
- I'm going to make a little lining around the top.
- [Chris] Okay.
- Hi, and I really, really have a really good hiding spot
for you whenever you wanna hide.
Since you're really little, you can hide.
Right there, there.
See.
Isn't that a good hiding spot?
And, this is a good hiding spot too.
See.
This is sparkly.
In the light, it's sparkly.
You gotta get into the light.
See.
I will set you right here.
Very helpful.
Then, I can up, up and away.
And, I go like this.
I get you.
See.
Whoa.
See.
It's a box thingy.
You can't really see the on/off button.
But, I get it in focus.
The top one is on.
And, the lower one is off.
Can I turn the lights on?
- [Chris] Yup. - Thank you.
- Oh, are you vlogging?
- Yeah.
- Hi everyone.
How's Parker treating you?
- Good.
- So, let's talk pregnancy, shall we?
Basically, I know there were a ton of pregnancy rumors
swirling about on the comments yesterday.
And, I'm sorry about that,
that was definitely a lot my fault.
So, I'm sorry.
I did post a picture a couple days ago
with my prenatal vitamins because they say
on them like 35 and over mom.
And like, and I'm 35 now, and this is the first time
I've been 35 and also wanting a baby.
Oh, and I took that picture of the prenatal vitamin
because when you're trying to get pregnant
you're, in theory, supposed to be taking prenatal vitamins
for at least three months in advance.
Obviously, if you're pregnant, and didn't do that
like don't worry, like don't worry at all.
So, I'm like kind of always taking prenatal vitamins.
You're also supposed to take them when you're pregnant,
and when you're nursing.
So like, I'm always taking them basically.
Just now I'm taking ones that judge me
for being over 35, that's all.
I'm not currently pregnant.
Christopher and I do want more kids.
And, I really would love to be pregnant.
We've actually been trying for like a year now.
So, a long time.
And, we're not seeing like a doctor or anything.
It's not like anything like that.
It's just like we'd love a baby.
We haven't gotten pregnant, so that happens.
That happens to me in particular,
with like all my kids, pretty much.
So, it's normal for me to take a really long time
to try to have a baby.
And, all I'm doing right now is trying my best
to make sure that if I were to get pregnant
that I would be like at my healthiest and my best.
So, what I am doing, what I always do
whenever I'm like trying, I'm just trying to get my body
like in the best shape I can.
Especially, after having these previous pregnancies.
I still have like baby weight from Duncan.
And, I'm working on that.
So, I'm doing my best that I can.
And, I'm taking my prenatal vitamins
that are judging me for being 35 now.
Anyway, so I don't know, it's not like
it's gonna necessarily happen anytime soon.
I am hopeful, I do feel like I'm getting closer
to the point where my body will be like,
yes, let's do this, let's do baby stuff.
So, hopefully it happens.
I really would love another baby.
Christopher and I, when we were in high school,
and dating, we used to talk about how we wanted four kids.
And, like, and yeah, when we were in high school
we talked about stuff like that.
Those were the conversations we had.
So, we've kinda always been the same people.
And, we have four, and we're so blessed.
It's so lucky to have four amazing, wonderful children.
And, I'm grateful for them every day.
And, each one of them was a struggle to conceive.
We thankfully haven't had to do
major infertility interventions.
But, we've had to do a little bit.
And, definitely it takes me time.
I've talked briefly about how I have PCOS,
which is polycystic ovarian syndrome.
And, that makes it harder for me to have babies,
and it makes it harder for me to lose weight,
and it makes me more prone to types of acne,
and like all kinds of things.
It's a spectrum of symptoms, and there are
a lot of women who have PCOS and can relate
to what I go through, so, hi ladies.
I love you.
I know it's hard.
You got this.
So anyway, yes we would love another baby.
No, it's not like it magically happens for me.
And, I mean, and just because I want a baby
doesn't mean it could even ever happen ever again.
It might not ever happen.
We'd love a new little Ballinger.
We'll see.
I'm actually going back in time here,
and I wanna tell you that the things
I'm about to talk about are a little bit sad,
and they are a little bit more mature content.
So, if you don't feel up to watching either of those things,
then please, just we love you,
and you can check out of the vlog now.
I'm just gonna be talking about some of
my personal struggles with fertility,
and babies, and stuff like that.
So, here's your warning.
Another thing with PCOS is having a higher miscarriage rate.
And, that's also something that we have endured.
So, that's hard.
We don't ever talk about it on here.
Mostly because it's hard on the kids.
And, I just, I don't, in a way
I just don't want them to have to dwell on it.
And, especially when it's happening,
like I don't want the whole wide world to be like,
maybe saying something wrong to the kids.
Something that they like shouldn't be hearing at that time.
You know, like I just don't know.
So, I don't usually put it out there.
It has been a part of who we are,
and our story, and our journey.
And, it has been part of, it's part of me.
And, you know, and those losses are really hard.
I have four amazing kids, and we've had four losses as well.
So, that's hard.
You know, this life, there's a lot to it.
There's a lot of pain in the journey.
There's the fear of loss.
There's just, there's a lot to it.
Life is big, and hard, and wonderful, and good.
And, it's a lot, right guys?
So, absolutely, I definitely
would love to get pregnant again.
I am not pregnant now.
I did get pregnant about eight and a half months ago.
I can track it by Colleen's pregnancy
because we had the exact same due date.
And, I found out that I was having a miscarriage
the day that she told us that she was pregnant.
And, she told us like, I wanna say,
a few hours after we found out.
And, that was like, so, so odd.
It was so, it was so odd.
It was so wonderful that she was having a baby,
and I'm so happy for her.
It's one of those things that you like
you just wonder like, man, why isn't that happening.
Like why didn't that happen.
Like why didn't we have a baby due on the exact same day.
And, how fun that would've been.
And how cute, and how wonderful, and how exciting.
And, why haven't I gotten pregnant since?
Like, I don't know.
And, she didn't know either.
Like, she didn't know that
that was happening that day with us.
Like, she didn't know.
And, I told her, we talked about it after.
But, it was like one of those things.
It's so, it's so, I don't know.
It's just hard to explain.
That would've been really cool.
And, I don't like, I don't sit
and like I don't wallow in that or anything.
Like, it's not like that.
It's just one of those things that you're like,
man, why didn't that happen?
Like, that seems like one of those things
that should've just happened, right?
And, it's weird, the timing was so, so weird.
But, I believe that whatever happens moving forward
it will happen for a reason, and it will happen
for the best reason, and that there will be a wonderful
silver lining to that cloud.
And, I'm just gonna keep trucking along,
and trying, and hoping for a baby.
And, I'm excited about the future.
And, I wanna share that with you guys
because, first of all, I know other people
are going through similar things.
And, I want to know that there are people out there
just like you going through it too.
And, I want you guys to see that
if we do get pregnant someday,
how much that's wanted, and desired.
I feel like sometimes when people see
families with a lot of children
they think that it's like easy,
or that it was easy to come by,
or like mistakes or something like that.
But, that's also like can be not true at all.
Like, it can be every child in our family
has been like strongly desired.
And, we're so grateful for all of them.
And, we know what that other side, that loss side, is like.
So, we just, you know, it just means so much to us,
and has so much depth.
So yeah, sorry this got really somber.
I've never said publicly about like miscarriages
or anything, and mostly that's
to protect the hearts of the kids.
Protect them, protect them at all costs, please.
Hope and pray if you so desire
for a new Ballinger baby for me.
Very much appreciate you guys cheering us on.
And, I do very much appreciate all the love
and the excitement you have for all of our endeavors.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful day.
I don't know how to end this
because we don't usually do kind of like
this serious of a topic, so.
I'm really sorry, I don't know,
I don't even know how to say goodbye to you after that.
So, thanks for watching.
(giggling)
- Hi, thank you for watching today's vlog.
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And today's is going to Iris Custers.
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please leave a comment in today's vlog.
And, we hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day.
Thanks for watching.