But I'm sure
there are going to be many of you guys
who can comment below and say
this has happened to you.
Say where you've seen situations
where you thought you put your best foot forward
and did what you could
and still she made you the bad guy.
(Music)
Hey what's up everybody,
this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
back with another
dating and relationship advice video.
This one is for the men
and it's going to be about
you will always be the bad guy.
Damn!
Subscribe to this channel, like this video,
be sure to share it,
and you know what,
I want the men to vote below.
Have you had a situation where
even when you tried to do right
you were still painted as the bad guy.
So, let's get into it.
Now, I want to make this clear
I am not trying to discourage you
when it comes to dealing with women, all right.
This is not to say that
you can't have successful healthy relationships,
but I do think it's important
to discuss this dynamic that I have found.
And some of you may dispute,
but I have found that
in most situations, if not damn near all
a man has to understand
that if you're going to interact,
date, get to know a woman,
and ultimately
you're going to be unable
to provide her with the desired outcome
that she's looking for.
There's a very good chance
you will end up being the bad guy.
Now listen, I'm not telling you this again,
to make you not deal with women
or to throw your hands up in frustration.
I'm telling you this because
it's important for you to understand
how to better handle these things,
how to better navigate through these processes.
So, to give you an example
I remember many years ago,
don't judge me but I'm just going to keep it real with you all.
Many years ago, I met a woman, all right.
We exchanged numbers
and from the jump at that time,
I had told her
like I wasn't trying
to get a relationship at that time
and so,
she understood where my head was at.
We would hang out here and there
and we talked about how
okay, well, you know what,
since I don't know or I'm not feeling
the whole relationship thing at that moment
she's not comfortable trying to have sex either.
I said cool I'm okay with that
we're not going to have sex, all right.
So, we weren't having sex,
we were clearly discussing what it was, all right.
But we would still hang out
and to be again, honest with you all
there were times where we would still be intimate,
but we did not have sex.
Anyway, as time goes on
and I still didn't change my position of
me desiring more.
And again, I repeat this was many years ago.
So, do not try to judge me,
but anyway,
I hadn't changed my stance
and then eventually we kind of faded a little bit,
but we would still have moments
where we would be in contact.
And then I remember one time
we reconnected
and we were talking
and we were hanging out in person
and she said well, you know,
you realize you have
and I don't want to say the word,
but you have F-boy tendencies, all right.
So, mostly I hope you guys
understand what I'm saying,
you're kind of an A-hole, all right.
So, and I'm like,
wait a minute what, what do you mean?
You know,
in my head I've been honest with this woman,
I respected boundaries, we didn't have sex
like, what are you talking about?
And she had mentioned like,
you know, it feels like you reel me in
and then you push me away,
you reel me and you push me away.
And again, in my mind I'm thinking,
I have done nothing inconsistent
with what I've said from day one.
But then it dawned on me that
because I was unable
to give her what she truly desired,
it created a frustration within her
that now starts to put me in a negative light
where she now starts to look at me
as this bad guy,
but I'm going to go even deeper than that.
Some of you guys
may have had situations where
women have created a scenario
real or not
where now she's claimed
or proclaiming that you've done something wrong
even if you haven’t.
I know this sounds crazy,
but I know some of you are following me here.
And she does that
because she has to paint you as the bad guy
to make it easier for her
to let go of you, all right.
Let me repeat that,
she has to paint you as the bad guy
to make it easier for her
to let go of you.
Essentially, for her to be able
to pull back
whatever emotions and feelings
have developed in her interaction with you.
She has now have to...
She now has to create a scenario,
again, whether real or fake
that will allow her to view you
as a bad guy
as an F boy or whatever.
Now, as a man
I need you to be aware of this
because one, I do not want you to internalize
or get caught up in that moment.
I've seen a lot of men
who in that moment
you don't realize what's actually happening
and you get caught up in trying to
either defend yourself so hard
that it ends up
frustrating you and putting you in a bad place
or you end up lashing out.
Or and even worse,
you take this bad experience
and you now project
or you take that negative energy
and you pour it into some other woman.
Some other woman now becomes a casualty
of war that occurred from the last situation.
But when you start to understand
why this is happening,
you can again avoid internalizing it,
avoid passing on that bad energy,
but also understanding
how to better navigate these situations.
Now, when I say better navigate
understand this,
I will always encourage the men
and people in general
be as honest as possible,
be as transparent as possible.
Again, now in my story,
I was those things
and I still ended up being the bad guy.
That's why the title of this video is
you will always be the bad guy.
But I've grown to the point where
okay, I get it.
I understand, it doesn't mean it's fair,
it doesn't mean it's okay and acceptable.
And if a woman is watching this
I want you to be honest with yourself
about if you've done these types of things
and how you need to better handle the situation,
but the video is for men
so, let's keep the focus there right now.
I don't want you to get
caught up in nonsense, all right.
And I want you to understand that again,
what she's doing
is a defense mechanism, all right.
And it's not for you to internalize
or take personal.
It's for you to just,
to basically be aware
and to just kind of
shrug it off, to be honest with you.
Not in a dismissive type of way,
not in a way again that's going to cause
to react in a negative manner or lash out,
but in a way that just says okay, you know what,
I understand that.
Because she's not getting what she needs
and she needs to find
some way to make this easier for her
she's going to say what she's going to say
she's going to do what she's going to do,
let it go, all right.
But also understand that
this is another reason why
you got to be careful with getting involved
with too many different women, man.
I know some of you want to feel like
you should be able to live your life, however,
and that's your choice.
But please do understand that
in involving yourself
with too many different women
there becomes this risk
of all these different uhh...
Negative situations
and drama that can occur.
Again, I'm not going to sit here and say
this happens a hundred percent of the time,
but I'm sure
there are going to be many of you guys
who can comment below and say
this has happened to you.
Say where you've seen situations
where you thought you put your best foot forward
and did what you could
and still she made you the bad guy.
Now, even though this video is for men,
I do have to make a quick pivot
and speak to the women
who might be watching this.
It's important for you to understand
that many of you are being fed stories
of men that are lies.
Many of you are being told
that all these men are so bad
all these men are dogs.
But you don't realize that
your friend, your mother, your sister,
your auntie, whoever is giving you
a skewed perception
because again, as I said earlier,
she has to find a way
to make this easier for her
to accept that this didn't work out.
To accept having to let go,
to accept maybe the fact that
even she messed up,
but she doesn't want to face that reality.
So, she has to project
the mistake onto him.
She has to project the downfall
of that relationship onto the man.
Now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying
that every situation is a woman
putting it on the man and lying to you.
But I am saying it's happening
way more than some of you all realize
and the problem is
it now creates a negative perception
of men in general
where you all start to believe
men aren't good, men are dogs,
there are no good men out there.
When what's really going on is
there are a lot of them,
but your mother, sister,
home girl, whoever,
she was the one that was the problem.
She was the one who couldn't handle it.
She was the one who ignored his honesty
from day one.
She was the one who acted like
she was cool with what he said he wanted
only to switch up on him later.
So, just understand
that don't be so quick
to embrace the stories being told
of situations that you don't have
all the information about,
that you don't get to hear both sides about
because they're not always what you think they are.
Now back to the men.
Again,
you'll always be the bad guy
and it is what it is man,
but that's why you just got to make sure
you always still put your best foot forward,
you do not let these experiences
contaminate you
and make you into a bad guy, all right.
Don't lose your character,
don't become someone else, all right.
Don't lose sight of the path
you need to be walking
because of situations
where certain women
may uhh...
Project this negativity on to you, all right.
So, it's just something that I've seen happen a lot
and again, I've gone through it myself
and I felt like
I should share this in a video.
So, I hope this was helpful to you.
Again, leave your comments below
has this happened to you?
Hell, if you're a woman
and you're willing to be honest about it,
tell us if you did it yourself.
Let's just be real,
let's have a conversation about it,
but either way, subscribe to my channel,
like this video, share this video,
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.