- Hey, Psych2Goers.
When something bad happens, it can sometimes
take us a while to get over the pain and feel okay again.
That's why it's so important for us to let go
and allow our psychological wounds to finally heal.
But like a lot of things in life,
healing from past trauma is often easier, said than done.
A lot of people mistakenly believe,
that it's better to just keep all those feelings
shoved deep down inside of ourselves.
But no matter how good you think
that you are at denying your problems,
unhealed trauma can still have a lot
of devastating effects on our lives,
even in the present day.
Here are eight psychology backed signs that your
unhealed trauma is affecting your relationships.
Number one, you feel drawn to people who are bad for you.
What we look for in our partners
and our friends is a reflection
of how we feel about ourselves and what we think we deserve.
But if someone has traumatized you enough
in the past to have you questioning your value and thinking
that you did something to deserve the horrible
way that they treated you,
then it's likely to make you more drawn
to the same kind of people again, who treat you badly.
Number two, you're always looking
for the first sign of trouble.
Ever heard the phrase
constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop?
If you're still struggling
with unhealed trauma from the past,
then it's a feeling you'll no doubt be familiar with.
In all your relationships,
be it romantic, familial or platonic,
you're always looking for the first sign of trouble.
Why?
Because toxic relationships don't always start
out that way.
And if you've already fallen victim to it once,
you'll constantly be on the lookout
for signs or risks of it happening again.
Number three, you have a hard time trusting others.
Another sign you may still be struggling
with unhealed trauma
that's affecting your present relationships
is if you find it hard to trust,
even the people you're closest to.
You're always reading into every little thing
they say or do.
You do everything yourself if you can help it.
Because you don't wanna depend on anyone else,
you keep your secrets to yourself
and you don't show anyone the depth of your true feelings,
which brings us to our next point.
Number four, you struggle with emotional intimacy,
similar to the earlier point.
Not only do you have trouble trusting people enough
to let them in, you keep them at an emotional distance too.
And of course you're not to blame for this.
You've probably been hurt, manipulated and betrayed
by someone you once cared about deeply in the past.
But until you make peace with that trauma,
it's always going to keep you from making meaningful
emotional connections with those around you.
Number five, you struggle with physical intimacy.
It's also common for people with unhealed trauma
to struggle with physical intimacy,
just as much as emotional intimacy.
Why?
Because they go hand in hand.
Hugging, kissing, handholding
and other acts of physical affection
are all invitations for someone to enter
into your personal space and get closer to you.
And for people who still haven't healed from the pain
of their past, this can all seem too scary
or too difficult to do.
Number six, you socially withdraw at times.
One of the most telling signs
that someone is still struggling with the trauma
of their past is if they become socially withdrawn at times.
They might not wanna go out as much
or spend as much time with their friends as they used to.
They might also seem to be losing interest in their hobbies,
especially if it requires social contact.
Sometimes they might even go days
without a single text, chat, phone call
or social media update.
Number seven, you sabotage your own relationships.
There's an irony to being in a toxic relationship.
Again, it doesn't always start out that way.
And most people stay for as long
as they do because they're either still waiting
for things to get better or they've gotten very good
at convincing themselves that everything is fine.
But the problem
with that is you might start to internalize that mindset
and subconsciously sabotage your own relationships.
You expect every relationship from now on to fail.
And so the moment you enter a conflict or a difficulty,
you don't bother to fix things
because you feel it would be useless.
And number eight,
you can't let yourself be happy.
To be happy now seems like an uncomfortable
and unfamiliar feeling
to those struggling with past trauma
and to have genuine love, friendship and a healthy
positive relationship seems almost too good to be true.
On some level,
maybe you don't think you deserve it, but you do.
Everyone deserves to be happy
and whatever the cause of your trauma or however long ago
it might have been,
know that help is always available.
So if you relate to any of the signs we've mentioned here,
if you still have unhealed trauma that's hurting you
in your relationship, please do not hesitate to reach
out to a mental healthcare professional today and get help.
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See you next time.