I wanna talk second quarantine with someone
so we're gonna bring Jenny Zigrino in.
I need some tips going into this round two
not excited about it, but let's do it.
Very funny, she's been on Conan multiple times.
She's got great sets.
Please welcome the very funny Jenny Zigrino.
Jenny?
Hi!
Hi.
Am here.
Thank you so much for doing this show.
I wanna ask you something, what do you say to people
when they ask, how are you doing?
Because it's a very loaded question now.
I think that you know,
the first time around was like a lot of motivation
and like, it's gonna be great.
We're gonna out of this on top, number one.
Now I'm waiting for the civil war
but in the meantime, also, you know,
writing and exploring myself and things
and just traveling, writing COVID as much as I can
to speed up herd immunity.
I heard that's actually working really well.
You've been traveling, you were on a plane
I was watching your stories and I was like.
(speaker gasps)
[Jenny] I was.
You were on a plane, what is that experience right now?
I had a whole row to myself.
It was great.
Everything came in a bag.
And it was the best flight I've ever been on honestly.
We travel a lot for stand up
so you're always in like a middle seat
or whatever is the cheapest seat to get wherever we are.
But now it's a little nice slash absolutely terrifying.
So you have whole row to yourself.
I have the whole row to myself.
All the snacks come in a bag.
Don't they always come in a bag?
Are or people on a Delta flight
throwing objects at you? Come in like a little bag.
Literally bring you a bag full of water and snacks.
Oh, so everything's together.
So it's just one thing you have to (indistinct)
Okay, I thought in flights before
people just throwing you loose M&Ms.
Get it!
We're all looking around for that one person
who's not wearing a mask.
We're all looking.
Yeah, was there any?
I did it?
No. (laughs)
Are you able to breathe in the mask
for the entirety of the flight?
Yeah, you have to wear it the whole time.
And airports are so eerie.
They're so weird and quiet.
Everything's closed, very eerie and weird.
But it's good to be back, it's good to be home.
I was in Minnesota, so they weren't second quarantining.
But now we're doing our second quarantine
and I'ma do it right this time Moses.
Minnesota is like they're in a second quarantine.
No they're still in their first quarantine.
Yeah, it's confusing where we are
on what quarantine-
No Minnesota, I don't think they know that it exists
'cause there are a lot of people not wearing masks.
Yikes, it does sound oddly tempting though.
It's just like you have to travel so much
for this job when this was still an art form.
And the fact that like a quiet airport,
row to yourself, 'cause most of the flights are
just like way too loud businessmen having conversations
at 6.00 am, trying to get Alan to approve the account.
Not anymore, you could literally just
go to LAX, get on a plane, go to destination
and then from there just fly back
just 'cause you want some peace and quiet
and some free snacks.
That's great.
So how are you handling the second quarantine?
So I feel like there are some things
that I'm gonna do and people can do
to make second quarantine better.
So first thing is, I'm not gonna be lazy
in just some lounge wear and just whatever
like I put on makeup.
I got new quarantine glasses.
I wanna show you my new quarantine glasses.
[Moses] Oh, debut.
Boom!
Wild crazy Jenny right here.
No one can make fun of you, when you're in your own house.
Nope it's just me, my wild glasses.
And then so okay, so I've also started
I was like, okay I'm gonna be better cook
so like I moved and I got this really nice new kitchen
that I can just cook in that's why I have all pots and pans.
You rude motherfucker.
(laughs)
I did roast you at the beginning for your pans
just before we got on the call.
So also get a hobby, my hobby now
is I sell vintage clothing, so those are my mannequins.
To make income and a hobby that keeps your mind
off of, what's going on in the world
and how things are unsafe.
I got this brand new big living room
you can see it got like a gallery wall
and like all this cool stuff, so-
Wait, what was that?
What?
There's like someone, is that someone
you're quarantining with?
My gallery wall?
I put up all my pictures.
Can you see?
Yeah, no, that's great.
But what was that?
Is there someone there with you?
Oh, Oh, you mean that?
Oh, yeah, is that a Trader Joe's employee?
Okay, look, I wanted to save this one for last.
So hobby is important, you know, fine getting your finances
but I think the most important thing to do
during the second quarantine is you know what?
You gotta find a friend.
I was alone the whole first quarantine not anymore.
Now I'm free now.
This is Dave.
I picked him up at Trader Joe's
and we've been quarantining together right?
Wait, wait, okay, is this a
am sorry, is this like a joke?
Did you really kidnap someone?
Yeah, how else was I gonna get him?
Um, okay, I'm sorry.
Wow, this is okay, first show.
Sorry, sir, are you okay?
I've been here a while.
I used to just have a mustache and short hair.
Isn't it, the beard is cute.
I think the beard's cute
sometimes he gets like little crumbs in it
like crackers and like dog food.
He's so dramatic.
He looks really scared.
(laughs)
Are you okay?
What's your name?
Dave.
We're thinking about changing it, I don't know.
Jenny what?
Okay, honestly, I'm a little taken aback here.
This is incredibly illegal
and he seems really scared.
Is anyone looking for you, Dave?
The chances are slim, I live with 12 other people.
They're not looking for him.
Probably not okay, Jenny I just,
I don't really know what to say, but I-
I mean, look it's perfect.
Look Dave and I, we do a lot of fun things together.
Sometimes we go for walks.
Sometimes I let him like swim in the bathtub.
Very cute.
Sometimes he'll stack the shelves for me,
perfect every day, perfectly stacked shelves.
He makes me little tiny samples of food
if I don't want the whole thing.
And then sometimes, he just rings the bell for no reason.
It's so weird
That's a call for help.
It's part of our sustainability reusable
head-bag initiative here at Jenny's.
Yeah, reusable I don't waste stuff.
Okay.
I yeah, I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.
I get that everyone's going through a really rough time,
but you gotta let him go.
This is, it's bananas.
This is insane.
Moses no, you know what Moses, shame on you.
Shame on you right now.
You know what?
You got to quarantine with someone.
You had someone there when you were scared
and you were feeling like the world is gonna crush you.
You had someone to talk to.
I didn't have anybody okay?
I'm like thousands, if not millions of Americans
who don't have anyone to quarantine with
imagine that loneliness, it is so intense,
like not being able to touch someone for weeks,
just the touch it's like, that's all I want.
And then sometimes you just want someone to talk to you.
You just want someone to be like, oh hey Jen,
great job cooking, your dad's real proud of you.
You're way hotter than your sister.
Sometimes you just want that.
He knows your dad?
You know what?
I'm gonna say this right now
you should be really ashamed because we pay these people
$12 an hour to risk their lives for us, right Dave?
We get benefits and free plantain chips on Thursdays.
But my point is that I'm saving him.
I am saving him, from the capitalistic death grip
you find yourself in 'cause you want to get some
Trader Giatto's fuckin portobello mushroom sauce
pamplemousse lasagna.
That's exactly what I buy,
but that's beside the point.
I just think I would just feel more, way more comfortable
if we're putting this out there, this live show
if Dave just decided, if he wanted to stay or leave
'cause it sounds like you kind have thing going
but I mean, we should just let him decide
Jen you have to agree on that.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Fine.
I will let Dave decide.
So, I'm gonna untie Dave.
Okay?
We'll see what Dave wants.
Dave, you are free to go
but remember, I do have central air
and it is a heat wave right now
so what do you think Dave?
I heard what you said
about how hard it is to find somebody.
I think we all struggle.
Let me just say.
Run!
Oh my God, is he limping?
Did you hobble him?
I took away his robotics, don't worry
I chipped him, it'll be fine.
Dave!
Oh my God.
Oh my God Okay, so well she's gonna chase him
with a way to small net.
That was Jenny Zigrino.
You can see her obviously on Conan
she has her sets online, Comedy Central
and the Six O'clock News tonight.