Tripp Kramer here from TrippAdvice.com.
You might find yourself in a situation right now, whether you're dating someone long term,
you're in the actual relationship or maybe you just started meeting someone and you feel
like you've lost hand, you don't have the upper hand.
What does this mean?
This means that you don't feel like you have control over the relationship.
A lot of people who feel like they don't have the upper hand, tend to feel very needy in
their relationship feeling like they've completely lost control.
If this is you, you've come to the right place.
I have some ideas of why this is happening and I have a solution for you.
What does it mean to have upper hand?
Originally this is used in negotiations.
People who have the upper hand in negotiations, in terms of whatever it is they're trying
to negotiate.
Of course, a relationship isn't like a negotiation, but it is similar in terms of who's in control
and who's in not in control.
I'm going to just read this, this is something that I got from Google in terms of negotiations.
Who's the one who has an upper hand and this is the exact verbiage.
It's the person who is perceived to have the least to lose.
That's the person with the greatest bargaining advantage.
You having the upper hand, you are the person who has nothing to lose.
You have the ability to walk away and that's you have nothing to lose.
When you're in a relationship, people are scared of losing each other and that's where
this whole ebb and flow of upper hand, lower hand comes in.
In order to have the upper hand, you need to have the ability to say, you know what,
I can walk away.
I can be with other people if this relationship isn't giving me what I need out of it.
I can walk away.
That's not necessarily something that you're going to say to the person, but this is the
mentality you're going to have.
A lot of guys have trouble with gaining the upper hand in this situation because they're
desperate and they're needy for the women that they're with.
If you don't have a lot of experience with women, if you don't have an abundant mindset,
which we're going to get to in just a bit, if you don't have that, naturally, you're
going to be in the needy mentality.
You're going to feel like you need them more than other people.
When you feel like you can't walk away, when you feel like you have to stay in this, when
this is like the only thing that you can have, you're already doomed.
Let's start off if you're single, meaning you're not in a relationship but you are dating
someone and you feel like you don't have the hand in that relationship.
Or you feel like you're dating someone and you have a loss of control.
What you need to do, and I know this goes against a lot of other advice that you might
hear out there, but what you have to do is you have to be dating other people.
In fact, you should be doing that anyways.
This is not just advice I'm giving you to have the upper hand.
This is something you need to be doing before you get into a relationship.
You need to be dating lots of women at the same time.
A lot of guys, they struggle with that concept because they say "Well I'm just a one woman
man."
And some guys think it's unethical or not moral to do that.
Here's the thing.
Lying is immoral.
Being manipulative is immoral.
But you being honest with your intentions and what you're doing is not.
Then guys say, okay, fine, I won't lie.
But if I tell a girl that I'm dating someone else or she asks if I'm dating other people,
I'm going to be in big trouble, right?
No, the answer is no.
First of all, if that girl is so offended then you should be okay to lose her because
this shouldn't affect your plan in dating multiple women so you can find someone who's
awesome and not be needy.
On the other hand, a lot of women who hear that they're not going to run away so fast.
A lot of women are actually gonna be very turned on by the fact that you are dating
other women.
It's going to be competitive for them.
And they're also going to see that you are dating other women.
That means other women like you and that gives gives you the advantage because it makes you
more attractive because it's showing her that other people like you.
It's weird psychological stuff, but it works.
This is going to make you so much less needy, because you're not going to care if it doesn't
work out with a woman.
You're not going to be needy for one because if one drops off, one goes away, one does
something that you don't like, or maybe you do something that she doesn't like and she's
gone, you won't be too upset about it because you're dating other women to find out if it's
a good match.
By the way, side note, another good reason for you to be dating multiple women is because
the dating process to find someone who's a good match, if you're looking for a relationship
can take a long time.
If you're going from one and then it ends to the other and it ends and so on and so
forth.
This could be years until you find someone awesome.
Take advantage of the videos on this channel.
Take advantage of dating apps and dating sites where you have the opportunities to meet lots
of women.
You can do that.
And by the way, if this is still a struggle for you, you can check out my program, I'll
put a link in the description below.
It's called Hooked.
You can check it out at www.getherhooked.com.
And that's going to do is teach you how to attract women and be dating multiple women
at the same time so it works for you.
Check out that course as soon as you can.
You can learn that, but let's move on.
A lot of guys that don't have the upper hand in a relationship, the ones that are usually
very needy usually don't have a lot going on for them and their lives.
Instead, they are making the woman that they're dating their core focus and that's a big problem.
If you are just focusing on her and you have nothing else going on in your life, this is
going to be trouble and she's going to get the upper hand very fast because you're in
the position where you feel you're going to be afraid to lose her because that's all you
have going on.
I've said this in other videos, I gotta say it again, you got to work more in your lifestyle.
The goal shouldn't be just to have a girlfriend.
You should also be working on creating hobbies, doing any other things that you enjoy and
hanging out with friends, making new friends, working on your career, your passions.
You should have a busy life.
Because when you are busy doing other things and you're creating distance between you and
your girlfriend, it's going to make her desire you more.
Here's the thing.
What people like in a relationship is attention.
We want attention, we want love, we want sex, all those things.
When that is taken away from us and there's distance, then you are going to have more
value because you're not there all the time.
You're going to be more valuable because she can have you the thing that she wants all
the time.
You need to create that distance.
The key value here is your availability.
Your availability is the value.
Remember that you yourself are the prize.
You don't need to be buying her stuff and taking her to fancy dinners and doing all
these things to get her attention.
Instead, you gotta come back to the mentality that it's you who is the prize and you are
not going to be easy to obtain because you have a life and hopefully you're dating someone
who's doing the same and then when you guys come together, it's awesome and not oscillating
so heavy between upper hand, lower hand and so forth.
To wrap this up, understand, abundance mentality, meaning you feeling like you have an abundance
of women in your life when you're first dating.
Or if you get into relationship, understanding that there is an abundance of women out there
so if it doesn't work out with this woman, you'll be able to find someone new.
That is the key that mentality.
Not a lot of guys have that mentality because they don't even think that they can attract
any women which again, is why we come full circle.
Here is why you have to date a lot of women to prove to yourself that you know what, it
is possible.
If it doesn't work out with the girl that you're with, you can find someone new.
If you're having trouble with that go to www.getherhooked.com where you can learn more in terms of how attraction
works and how to get to that point.
It is crucial that you do because when you're in an abundant mindset, everything gets easier
and you're less needy and you'll easily have the upper hand.