Over the last few days,
the impeachment case against Donald Trump
has seen a number of big developments.
A second whistleblower stepped forward,
damning text messages
from American diplomats were released,
and Rudy Giuliani was caught going through Joe Biden's trash.
Yeah. He wasn't looking for dirt, he was just hungry.
Now, if you were facing
the biggest crisis of your presidency,
what would you do?
Probably lay low and focus on putting out this fire.
But you see, you're not Donald Trump,
because if you were Donald Trump,
you would start a whole new fire.
We're following breaking news from Syria.
In a major U.S. policy shift this morning,
American troops are pulling back to make way
for Turkey's planned invasion of part of northern Syria.
Video out this morning shows American forces leaving
an area along Turkey's border.
The abrupt change follows a phone call last night
between President Trump and Turkey's president.
Top Pentagon officials telling Fox News
they were blindsided by the move.
Okay, this is just insane.
At 11:00 p.m. last night, President Trump announced--
at 11:00 p.m.-- that the U.S.
would be pulling its troops out of a key part of Syria.
Even crazier, is that he didn't tell the Pentagon.
Yeah. They were blindsided.
That's like not telling NASA you're gonna blow up the moon.
That's their thing.
They'll just be phoning you, like, "Uh, sir.
We have a situation. It appears the moon has exploded."
He'll be like, (mimics Trump): "Oh, yeah. That was me.
Consider the werewolf problem solved."
(normal voice): "Sir, there's no werewolf problem."
(mimics Trump): "Exactly."
(normal voice): Now, Trump's decision
to leave this area of Syria may not seem
like that big of a deal, but it really is.
Because, you see, American troops in Syria
have been protecting Kurdish forces from Turkey.
Now, you might be like, "Well, why do we care so much
about what happens to Kurdish forces?"
Well, because the Kurds have been essential
in America's fight against ISIS.
This is a major shift with a potential
for major nation security implications,
which some Pentagon officials have tried
to talk President Trump out of.
These Syrian Kurdish forces
have been America's strongest ally
in taking back territory that ISIS had captured.
These forces also are holding many
of the 10,000 ISIS fighters that have been captured.
Turkey sees these Syrian Kurds
as a terrorist insurgency,
and has long urged the U.S.
to stop its support of the group.
So this morning, President Trump
is now giving the green light
to Turkey for a military operation
that would clear these Kurds out of northern Syria.
The United States now says the Kurds are on their own.
The Kurds say today, they have been stabbed in the back.
Okay, I know there's a lot going on there,
but the main takeaway is that Trump's decision
has now put America's Kurdish allies in danger.
And after a move like this, you can't blame America's allies
for thinking America's word ain't shit, right?
It's sort of like how AppleCare claims it'll protect you,
but then when you take your phone in, they're like,
"Uh, sorry. This doesn't cover broken screens."
And you're like, "What do you mean, it doesn't cover screens?
"The whole thing is a screen. That's the only thing.
The phone is a screen."
(laughter)
So, Trump's surprise military move
has now put the Kurds at risk,
and without the Kurds, ISIS could make a comeback.
And not in, like, a cool, small part
in a Tarantino movie kind of way.
Not that kind of comeback.
Which is why it's no surprise that Trump's own allies
have started abandoning him.
NEWSWOMAN: Trump's former UN ambassador Nikki Haley
tweeting, "We must always have the backs of our allies
if we expect them to have our back."
We're completely abandoning them to die.
I mean, they could absolutely be slaughtered,
and this is unconscionable.
This is so unacceptable.
-A disastrous series of events. -Well...
I hope the president will rethink this.
NEWSMAN: Critics of the decision include top Republican senators
Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham,
McConnell saying today an early U.S. withdrawal
would only benefit Russia, Iran and Syria.
That's right. Even Mitch McConnell,
Senate majority leader and jack-o'-lantern in December,
has come out condemning Trump.
(laughter and applause)
Although, like, I'll be honest.
Mitch McConnell is so unemotional,
I don't know if his words, like,
have ever made anyone change their mind, you know?
He'd be worse at talking down, like, a jumper.
You know, just be like, "Well, don't do it."
(mumbles)
"Think about all the beauty in the world."
(mumbles)
So, everyone from Fox & Friends to neck flaps and friends
have spoken out against Trump's military move,
and in response, Trump tweeted earlier today,
"Relax, mother(bleep). I got this."
NEWSWOMAN: Just moments ago, President Trump tweeted...
(reading):
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No, no, no. No, no, no.
Before you judge Trump, he is technically correct.
There is nobody who matches his wisdom.
He is correct.
(cheering and applause)
I mean...
No other person...
No other person had the wisdom
to stare directly into a solar eclipse, huh?
(laughter)
So, if you're a member of the Kurdish forces right now,
you're probably a little nervous
because you got ISIS coming from one side
and now Turkey coming from the other,
and you're probably wondering
if there's any way to get Trump back on your side.
Well, I do think there is one option.
Kurdish forces, you need to phone Trump,
and you need to tell him you have dirt on Joe Biden,
but if he wants it, he's gonna have to give you military aid
or, as I like to call it, a Kurd pro quo.