Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'So, once again, our paths cross'
Harry Alan Towers' Fu Manchu films share one immense asset that is also their biggest issue,
'I am Fu Manchu'
Of course there's a rich tradition of horror actors playing Chinese: Mr Wong, Charlie Chan, Mr Moto, Mr Wong
'This time there will be no escape.'
and who doesn't want to see Christopher Lee as an oriental supervillain?
'What's the matter with him?'
He's not Chinese,
'That's a bit over dramatic isn't it.'
and even in the mid-sixties when this was released, the whole yellow peril thing,
where anyone Chinese is your enemy, was a teensy bit wildly racist.
Which is a shame cos this has some good scenes - like the girl suspended over a snake pit by her hair,
it has Douglas Wilmer reprising his TV Sherlock Holmes as Nayland Smith.
'I'm baffled, Petrie'
and it's just generally a bit of harmless fun.
'Did I do well?'
Although, be warned, that title is hinting at a movie that doesn't exist.
'Why do you say that?'
Despite lines like...
'But now they live to serve me'
These are not brides, they've been kidnapped.
'Why should anyone want to kidnap me?'
Nothing sordid. Fu Manchu uses them to blackmail their father's into doing his bidding.
'Do you know what Fu Manchu plans to do?'
He's building a superweapon that destroys by sound alone,
then he will kill all the delegates at an arms conference and...
'When those men die, I shall rule and the world will be mine'
I sort of feel like there may be some other intermediate steps required:
logistics, infrastructure, the fact that most governments will just replace the dead men.
'Has something gone wrong father?'
Plus, why doesn't he just hypnotise the men the way he did the girls.
'You will do only what I command you to do'
Why doesn't he just use his superweapon to hold the world to ransom?
'It is enough to destroy a city'
Why is he following this needlessly complicated plan.
'Why, why, why?'
Fu Manchu is a great example of the classic mistakes supervillains make,
'This is the destiny of Fu Manchu’
if you get a chance to kill the hero; take it.
'I could have arranged your death when you switched on this wireless set but that would have been too quick'
If you use the words...
'He may be more useful alive'
I can guarantee he won't, he will escape,
especially if that represents example of your hiring policy,
'It must look real, you must hot me.'
and you have an easily accessible, unlocked back door for people to escape from,
or get in through.
Above all, don't hire minions who fall for this,
'Help, she has a knife, she's killed herself'
who then help to gag themselves,
and who can be overpowered by a group of unarmed women
who've spent the last few months chained to the wall,
released only to wash their underwear.
Also there are certain organisations you don't tangle with.
'For that we need the cooperation of the BBC.'
Why against the BBC he never had a chance.
'The world shall hear from me again.’
Super villains are a careless thoughtless Bunch they put
Endless work into their plans and then run into the execution
What classic super villain mistakes did fu-manchu's miss out let me know in the comments below
'I kill you!'