(funky music)
- In this world, there are good guys,
and there are bad guys.
- You're reading the man's part.
- Oh, God!
- Nyet, nyet!
Stop this disgrace!
I will neuter all your pet dogs
and fill your swimming pools with borscht!
(crowd booing)
- You missed half the class.
- [Instructor] And loosen.
- I thought we were supposed to be tightening.
- Some things are never getting tighter.
- I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America.
I'm Liberty Belle. I'd like to call on the power
of my three favorite Americans: Ronald Reagan,
Larry Bird, and Jesus Christ himself!
- Okay, I said I'd do anything so here we fucking are.
- I don't know, I've actually never done
one of these before.
- Are you sag?
- What? I'm part Cherokee.
- They call me Machu Picchu, the Peruvian fortress,
strong and proud.
I'm a good guy.
- [Man] Girl.
- I'm a girl.
(crowd cheering)
- [Announcer] I can't believe it, the fever has broken
and Machu grabs Welfare Queen!
- You seem to be very versatile with window coverings.
- Well, I'm from London, so ...
- I don't know what that means.
- Yeah.
- Oh, hello. I didn't see you because I was looking
at my beaker full of a science experiment.
Thanks a bunch, GLOWbot.
- Ronnie takes out his pen, signs the picture,
and says, "It's a good thing Bonzo is a Democrat,
otherwise, he'd have won the nomination."
- Lucky Charms, anyone?
- How 'bout you tell us what the hell we're all doing here?
- Aw.
Hi Cherry.
- Hey, baby.
- [Sam] How you doing, baby? - Good.
- [Sam] Mm-hmm.
- This another one of your trashy vampire movies?
- I'm Junkchain and I bring the pain.
Peace.
- Someone needs to teach these
Casper-lookin' racist idiots a lesson.
- (laughs maniacally)
- Who are you? How did you get in here?
- I am Black Magic.
- Hey. Sorry, where are the costumes?
- Finally. Over here. So, you're gonna have
to wait 'til the end of the day to clean these,
but you know, you can just, like, chill over here-
- I'm not cleaning them.
Are you sure you don't wanna see anything else?
- No, I'm good.
- Okay.
- Oh my gosh, of course.
This makes total sense. She's on a soap.
- I am one who is cute like panda.
I'm in danger, help me, save me!
(laughs) Tricked you because I am fast,
like dragon! (grunts)
I am Fortune Cookie.
Stop, you weak geriatrical-type person!
- Hey.
So? How's my star?
You got your own dressing room yet?
- Sheila. Sheila.
And I have a very acute sense of smell.
(funky music)
- I'm Sheila.
- [Announcer] Now, for Shelia the She-Wolf!
(crowd cheering, Sheila growling)
Oh, she's escaped! Oh my God, the She-Wolf is on the loose!
- It's me.
- (sighs) My God! What are you doing,
why are you climbing in my window?
- You said you didn't want anyone to find out
about us. I took that seriously.
- Here you go.
- Look at you, you're like the parade.
- Oh my goodness, thank you so much.
- Hi, I'm Melrose. I'm a bad, bad girl,
who likes to party, party, party
and daddy's been a bad, bad boy! (growls)
Come here, daddy.
I love my fans!
- [Announcer] Say hello to Melrose!
- [Melrose] Don't fucking drop me.
- I didn't know we were supposed to wear costumes.
- I am Beirut, the mad bomber. (growls)
- Beirut, y'all. Beirut.
- I throw things.
- Do you think you could throw people?
- Yeah.
- I am Vicky Viking.
(cheers, growls)
- Better make it count then, right?
- [Man] Next.
- Y'all stupid for going to work everyday
and paying taxes. I let the government pay
for all my shit, and I lives like a queen.
A welfare queen! (laughs)
I might be a welfare queen,
but I don't tolerate no bigots!
- Technically ... - We were hairstylists
at the Carlton salon at the Beverly Center.
- Yeah, but our clients think we're
really funny and we should be on television.
- So, you get two for the price of one.
- I'm Ethel. - I'm Edna.
- And we're The Beatdown Biddies.
- You want a piece of me? I got rolls older than you!
- Oh, yeah, I'll come at ya. I'm like
a good fiber cereal, I'll make you shit your pants!
You can't fight me because I'm old!
- I'm Nuke. - And I'm Ozone.
- We're The Toxic Twins.
- We've transformed.
- [Sam] How old are you? - 19.
- I'm Scab,
and I'm your worst nightmare.
I'll gut your Gucci and blast your Beemer.
Die, yuppie scum! (laughs maniacally)
- You ever work around this many fucking women?
- Actually, yeah. I used to shoot porn for Hal Freeman.
- I love Hal Freeman!
- He's a creep. But, hey man, if you need
and artfully framed crotch shot, I'm your guy.