Andy and I met in my hometown of Cincinnati we got married and Pebble Beach.
It was just a few months before we found out that we were expecting.
I think he looks like me.
Steph and I just embraced and cried and
we just were overjoyed that we were gonna be be parents.
It was a vision that we had for our family
I just felt ready to be a mom.
The first trimester I couldn't be more blessed to be feeling
everything I was I was experiencing which was just joy.
The 12-week ultrasound was an important one
we knew that it would mean doing an Anatomy scan of the baby.
My gosh — moving around.
We were a little anxious as new parents
but we had no reason to be concerned.
We saw this beautiful child this beautiful baby
she was opening and closing her mouth and her lips
and we had this joyous occasion of seeing her baby for the first time.
That was our baby this life that I couldn't comprehend being inside of me
it was just an amazing feeling.
As the technician got to Grace's head she noticed that something wasn't right.
The doctor entered the room he introduced himself and he said is this your first pregnancy and
I remember just kind of shaking my head saying yes this is my first.
The doctor got quiet and so I asked the doctor I said,
"Listen, you got to tell me if something is going on right now because your quiet is making me really nervous."
And it was at that point that he turned around and
he said, "Your daughter has a diagnosis of anencephaly. And that condition is not viable for life."
We just had tears just flow
it was almost an out-of-body experience
because here I'm laying on that table and I'm looking at my daughter's silhouette
and she looked perfect to me
and everything he was describing went against what I felt that I was seeing.
There was no cure there was no surgery
there was nothing other than hearing this pregnancy out or to terminate it.
We saw five fingers and five toes and a beating heart and these lips moving
as if they were you know inhaling air or blowing us kisses.
We didn't even talk about what choice we would make.
We looked down as a baby to us
that looks like a baby to us and so we wanted to give that baby life in whatever way that God intended for that that life to look.
It really put life into perspective for us
because we understood the fragility of life in that moment
and so we wanted to make the most of it.
"Hello it's Dr. Andy Collette. It looks like a baby girl!"
We knew the name we wanted to give her Grace — Grace Elizabeth.
Grace had so much meaning to us personally
as we were living out our faith and really leaning into our faith through this journey.
We really wanted to be intentional about the memories we made with her.
My hands were on Steph's belly constantly
you know she would kick and I would push back and she would kick again
I'd push back on her little feet
it's the only time we were gonna be able to play with her
we just wanted to make the most of that and to show her that we we loved her in those just little ways.
I decided to open our story up to social media.
Thousands of comments were coming in from women who I didn't know
that for me was an incredible experience.
When we received the diagnosis we were told that we had a very low chance of making it to the third trimester.
I was just adamant and determined to make it to the end and that's what we were going to do
I carried Grace for 39 weeks and 3 days.
It was a very quick delivery within just minutes my water broke and Grace was out.
We were expecting that she would take a couple of breaths and then that would be it from her
and and she came out just crying.
You know not knowing that she was gonna make it out alive
that was the most beautiful sound we had ever heard.
And it was an answered prayer just to hear her voice
I'll never forget her voice.
You've been so strong come on you can do it.
You know is my first job as a dad as to just to root her on and she did great.
We love you.
I read two books to her a fun book
Berenstein bears which is a book that I read when I was a little kid
The second book was I love you night and day
which is a book about regardless of what's going on in our lives
whether it's day or night whether it's hot or cold
whether we're healthy or not I will love you.
She was placed on my chest and we had a chaplain come in
it was important to us to have Grace baptized
and once she was on my chest she really just settled into a very peaceful place
and I had my arms wrapped around her and I grabbed her little hand and
she squeezed my mom and to feel her get that kind of strength
she was embracing me like I had been embracing her
she wanted to return that to me
so I held her right there on my chest for the 10 hours and 32 minutes that she left.
Every moment through that ten and a half hours we were engaged
we were engaged in her breath you're engaged with each other
we never lost track of that moment.
And it was a joyful time to be able to experience her life
there was no shortage of love in the room
we know for certain that she felt loved.
The lessons I've learned through the journey is to appreciate now, appreciate this day.
People seem to think that we were really strong brave people
courageous for choosing to live out this journey and
I didn't feel — I certainly didn't feel strong in the moment
I didn't feel brave I just felt like I was a mother loving her daughter.
I'm a better husband. I don't take loved ones for for granted.
Her life is truly special