I’m 59 this year and I will turn 60 next year
I’m qualified to take advantage of my seniority
To talk about things
And to share with people my past years
It’s like what Fan Liuyuan told Bai Liusu
In Love in a Fallen City by Eileen Chang
“There’re some words that I dare not to say, that would make me feel ashamed”
“So I have to leave them on a secret beach”
So I would like to position the book as my footprints in life
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it has been safe to stay at home over the past years
My students become my online friends
I open my laptop and say “hello, my friends on the internet”
I feel like being an internet celebrity
And my students are lying in bed and studying in pajamas
I have been teaching and writing
And I’m fine with that
My only trouble is that
I used to stay at home alone without my wife
What a happy and free life
However, my wife cannot go out now
And both of us stay at home
Anyone who has lived with another person must know about that
So I won’t go on about it
My daughter has gone to work in another place
Now we sleep in different rooms
And we even live separately
We take advantage of the four rooms for independent living space
We date in the living room
Drinking coffee, watching movies, having a chat, or sometimes arguing with each other
I mainly do several exercises
My waist is not in good condition, so I can only do the basic workout
I even bought a dumbbell
To build a big chest
If I keep working out hard until 60 years old
Maybe I can show you my six packs
Now I’m writing the third volume of the Hong Kong Trilogy
I have written only tens of thousands of characters over the past four or five months
The book is about Hong Kong from the 1970s, 1980s through 1990s
I feel like travelling back to the times when I was born
I don’t feel lonely at all when I sit alone in front of the desk
I’m creating a world
I make friends with the characters in my novel
No matter how close you are with the people around you
No matter how well you communicate with each other, there always seems to be misunderstanding
When I’m not writing
I’m alone in real life
I have been writing columns for nearly 40 years
I search for different topics every day
My observations, my feelings, my opinions, and my proposals
Writing a novel had been my wish for a long time
When I was around 40
Su Tong told me, “Writing a novel can consume the strength of your whole body”
I didn’t understand that
I was attracted by various interesting hobbies
I made friends and read all kinds of books
And yet there were work and family. So I didn’t make the decision
But when I was almost 50, I didn’t feel right
I found I had less and less friends because some of them died
And those who stayed alive were not in good condition
I had no time to waste
I would not be able to realize my wish if I don’t start
So the older I grow, the stronger my wish to live gets
What do I live for? Writing
I have two manuscripts of Eileen Chang
I store them in a supermarket plastic bag
She must have revised the novel for numerous times
This is already the final version, and you can still see so many corrections
These are the spring couplets written by Zhang Dachun
He writes spring couplets for me every year, and I appreciate that so much
“Shuang Tian Zhi Zun, Shuang, Zhi, Zun, Tian”
That’s the name of the third volume of my Hong Kong Trilogy
I have been given some books from my seniors
You can see lots of yellow notes attached to the book
They are left by the writers
I can totally imagine
That a group of authors, poets, scholars, and old friends are chatting
In a snowy evening
And they’re drinking in front of a fireplace
I take them out to read and touch occasionally
I’m sharing the same moment with my idol
Which encourages me to continue writing
I’m no longer a middle-aged man. I’m one of the aged now. 82 00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:49,320 I’m quite fond of an old saying
Which goes “Being showy when you’re old and staying calm when you’re are young” 84 00:05:52,399 --> 00:05:53,920 Young people should be calm
So that you can find different paths
Sometimes I jokingly say that young people nowadays are more and more conservative
Maybe because of all kinds of sources of pressure
Such as buying an apartment and working overtime
There’re two reasons for “being showy when you’re old”, and the first is you don’t have much time left
Secondly, if you are reserved and serious all time
You would place much pressure on the shoulders of young people
I like one sentence from Heart Sutra very much
“Stay away from delusion”
For me, I should not stay away from delusion
I was quite reserved when I was young
I enjoy my life now
So I’m trying to get closer to delusion