I'm not very good at playing Centipede.
I mean, I like doing it...I just don't last long.
Which is sort of embarrassing to admit, in this kind of...public forum.
But come on, this is Centipede.
Or at least...this is a version of Centipede.
Of course, Centipede is just one part of Arcade Classics.
It's a compilation of three arcade classics...hey, maybe that's where they got the title.
Also includes Missile Command and the granddaddy of all video games, Pong.
Which is a really hard word to say.
Pong.
Not easy to play, either.
I'm...I'm losing to the computer.
I'm losing to the machine.
But you know, this time around, it's not just me.
There's something not quite right about these versions...something that makes them a lot
crappier than they're supposed to be.
I mean, these are three of the all-time greats.
They're...less than great, in this Genesis compilation.
And that's due to some suspect execution.
This game is not very playable, at times.
I mean, Centipede chugs more than a drunken frat boy.
Fortunately, even a weak version of Centipede is still Centipede.
That means it's awesome.
Even with the constant slowdown, this is a really fun game, and if you're good...I'm
sure you can work around it.
I can't, but we've been over this.
And besides, playing Centipede with a directional pad is a pain in the ass either way.
I'm not gonna take full blame for this.
Then there's Pong...another classic that wasn't really made with a d-pad in mind.
That's one third of the reason I'm bad at this.
The second third is that...the ball comes at you, to start the round.
So you have, like, half a second to react or you lose the round right away.
That's the second third.
And the third third...I'm really bad at Pong.
Playing it, and enunciating it.
Pong.
Of course, there are different variations of Pong here.
There's also hockey...so named by a person who's clearly never played hockey.
In this one, you don't score just by getting past the other thing.
You have to get the puck past the thing, but also inside the goal.
See, because in hockey, there are goals.
Er go, hockey.
Anyway, the Pong versions definitely play better than Centipede.
They don't have the same chuggity chug, going on.
How does a game like Centipede even have slowdown?
Anyway, it's better here, even if suboptimal with a d-pad.
And finally, there's Missile Command...which is actually my favorite version of this particular
group.
Its slow pace works better with the cartridge's limitations.
Also, it has explosions, and flying skulls.
So it's like an Overkill album.
The nice thing is that...there's also some special SEGA versions here.
Which are basically upgraded graphics and...for some reason, no slowdown.
Maybe they deliberately added the slowdown, so you'd play the SEGA versions instead.
Or maybe the originals just show the difference a little blast processing can make.
To be honest, though, I have a hard time recommending this collection.
I mean, it's just three really old games, which are available in much better forms in
about a million other compilations and collections.
There's no real practical purpose, so unless you're a Genesis collector, it's probably
one you can pass on.
Nonetheless, thanks to our friend Frank from San Leandro, California, for sending it in.
And for...forcing me into awkward admissions.
Thanks a lot, Frank.