This is the worst day to ever...
day.
It' s just--
I'm just-- It's so--
What are you doing?
I told you to keep the ice in place.
Sorry, doctor.
Tell me the truth. Am I gonna make it?
Is this the end?
Okay, this is the last one I'm getting you.
Oh, please.
Sexy times and romance?
It' s the last thing on my mind right now.
By the last thing I mean the second thing.
Oh, god. I can not be the first one
who has a roomie crush the first week of classes.
Not that it's any of your business, but her name is--
Connie!
Dorothy!
Hi.
What was that noise?
Uh, just my friends being jerks.
Your friends?
How hard did you hit your head?
Do you have imaginary friends?
No, they' re real. Um, I think.
They' re on the internet.
Um, we call ourselves the Inseperables,
and I apologize in advance for anything we say ever.
We livecast with each other sometimes to keep in touch.
Like now.
What' s livecasting?
Uh, like vlogging but glitchier.
We desperately need better WiFi.
Hello.
I think she's very... okay.
Whoa, "very" okay.
Connie, stop with the flattery.
I am blushing!
But I wish she would stop punching people.
Oh, one time. It happened one time.
This month.
What? Haven't any of you never met someone
that you couldn't not not punch?
No, never. I think.
Okay, well, trust me.
If you' d met this guy, you would have.
His whole face, it screamed, "I' m a douche. Punch me."
So you punched him just because of the way he looked?
No, it was also because of what he did.
I was just trying to lock up my bike,
go to the first sorority rush event.
But no, that entitled, snobby, punchable douchecanoe
tried to get my attention.
Like "Hey, girl, give me a smile."
And "Hey, girl, ditch that ugly bike
and come take a ride in my Mercedes."
That is kind of gross.
Exactly. And I' m so sick and tired
of men getting away with saying stuff like that,
so I just marched right up to him,
told him to say it again to my face.
And he was all "Oh, I wasn' t speaking to you."
And I was like, "Oh, that's too bad,
' cause I am definitely talking to you.
So say it again to my face."
He turned to his buddies and was like,
"Can you believe that bitch?"
So then bam, right hook to the left ee.
No. Okay, well, I tried.
I came this close to his nose
and then one of his douche-head goons tripped me
and I fell into the bike rack.
Face first.
And then they took my bag,
which had all of my sorority reference letters in it.
I had to miss the entire rush event because of him.
Uh, yes, that's bad.
If I don' t go to any open houses,
then how am I supposed to get a bid?
Connie gets it.
She's also rushing Mu Sigma Theta,
which is no surprise,
because it is the best sorority ever!
Hey! Hey, guys, don't gang up on me.
Connie, back me up here.
It' s a very good sorority.
No, that' s not what I meant.
What I mean is that it' s just a sorority.
It is not just a sorority.
It was my Gran' s sorority.
It' s the only reason I'm here, actually.
It' s the only reason?
Why did you come to school? To learn? That' s silly.
No, not just to learn. I'm here to have fun too.
I do like MST and its feminist values.
But the main reason I'm choosing it
is because of my family.
My cousin's the president.
Your cousin is the president of Mu Sigma Theta?
Yes.
Um. This is the best day ever!
(Phone buzzing)
Okay, Anne is my hero and my idol!
Check it out!
She is the one who brought the sorority
back to its feminist core.
All for one, and one for all.
I know, it' s so cheesy, but I am so into it!
Okay.
So, do you think you can get me an introduction?
I am not ready for that.
How about you just have a conversation with her beside me?
Yeah? (Phone ringing)
Oh, no. Unless you think that' s weird.
Is that totally weird?
Oh my god, I am totally being weird right now.
(Phone ringing)
What?!
No, no, I'm sorry, Papa. I thought it was somebody else.
Sorry, it's my parents.
I don't think I can keep on ignoring them.
You know how parents are. Sorry.
Okay. It' s not all in my head, is it?
Or my possible concussion.
She is definitely giving off flirty vibes, right?
Okay, thank god.
Now I can focus
on just making the perfect moment happen with her.
I haven't forgotten about MST.
I am joining that sorority, despite today's setback.
I mean, it must mean something
that my gran was a legacy, right?
But, uh, why can' t I have both?
Get the girl and the sorority
and get back at that douchecanoe who put me in this position
in the first place.
You can bet the next time I see him--
Oh, he' s getting way more than just a black eye.
Yeah. Dorothy Castlemore can do anything.
Just watch me.