(hair rips) - Ow! Jessica!
- You wanna walk around all day looking silly?
(gentle music)
- So you're sending these letters
because you're constipated?
- (laughs) I'm sending letters to my constituents.
- That's what I said. Constipations
- Oh I see what's going on here, Miss Jessica.
You're messing with me.
- A little.
- Alright.
So next, Granddad usually tells a story
that makes all the adults sleepy.
So, Grandma makes coffee,
but the coffee maker's in the kitchen.
We can not let her come into the kitchen, you guys.
You gotta distract her.
- Let the amazing Jessica take care of that.
- Buckle up for tomato talk, everybody. (laughs)
I'll go grab some coffee.
- It's time for a magic show.
♪ With me ♪
- The amazing Jessica!
- Oh! (laughs) that sounds adorable sweet-pea!
- Oh wow girl, I didn't know she could do magic.
- She can't. She doesn't.
I don't know what she doing.
- Okay. All I need is a razor, some scissors and a $20 bill.
- No.
- Okay. Then I need a razor, some scissors and a $10 bill.
Hmm, pretend like this is fun. (sighs)
Wow. I've landed
on an alien planet. (footsteps jumping)
The air here is so thick, a sign of alien life.
Are you my mother?
Speak up when you (machine thumps)
talk to a lady.
I'll be in space so long, I forget your face.
And I'll forget my face.
I'll forget how to kiss.
(phone rings)
(phone beeps) - Hello?
- Jessica, it's Craig.
We need your special skills for a mission
to retrieve Kelsey's sword.
- I'll do it, Craigie boy.
(footsteps running)
Time to gear up!
Dad and Mom. (locket jangles)
And some gum. (packet rustles)
Cold hard cash. (cash register rings)
Pepper spray. (pepper shakes)
And my gauging spork. (metallic whoosh)
(laser explosion)
♪ La la la shoelaces ♪
♪ Shoes got tongue but no faces ♪
♪ To ask you to lace 'em up ♪
- What if the blade is getting cold?
- Don't you cry little big girl.
Yet.
- I'm not crying. Is she talking about Mortimer?
- Thanks for coming Jessica.
It's in there.
- If I'm not back in five minutes,
wait a couple more. (grunting)
Whee!
(gasps) It's a sword! (body thumps)
(Chris growling) (Jessica gasps)
Liddle Chris!
- Liddle Chris got killed. (growls)
- Ew.
Wait that's it! (fingers click)
(bag drops)
Chew!
Okay Jessica, don't wanna get bit.
Ha! (Chris growls)
- Hey! (gum squelches)
(Chris chews) - Mm!
(Chris blows bubble) - Uh oh!
He's gonna blow!
(body slides)
Gangway!
(bubble pops)
(gum squelches)
- Yeah Jessica!
- That was sick!
(bubble blowing)
(bubble pops)
- (sighs) Here you go little big girl.
No need to cry.
(girl sighs)
- What if we just play
a nice engaging game of peek-a-boo baby.
Peeky pokey.
Peek-a-boo baby.
Peaky, pooky, peakey.
Peeky, poopy.
- Hey, hey, no wandering off.
(footsteps running)
Well, that was easy.
- Craig, these kids are too old for pooky pooky.
Some of us can count to 100.
- Well, what do you think we should play?
- Simon says!
Simon says sit down.
(kid giggles)
- Liddle Chris sit down.
- Yay!
- Simon says stand up.
(kid giggles)
(Chris grunts)
- Simon says spin around.
- Wee! (giggles)
- Whoa! - Liddle Chris is spinning.
- Whoa! - Whee! (laughs)
(kids giggling)
(kids bash)
(snot squelches)
- Ah! Nathan's booger!
(girl crying) - No I didn't, I didn't!
- Liddle Chris about to bully you, big boy! (grunting)
- Er, Craig, do something!
- Er, stop crying! Stop whining!
(kid crying)
- Simon says freeze!
(birds singing)
Okay, now stand on one foot!
(foot shuffles) - Hmm, Liddle Chris aint move.
- Simon says always works, Craig.
(dice rolling)
- Ha! Pay up.
(counter piece knocks)
- Pay up!
(dice roll)
- Pay up! (cash register rings)
- No, I'm not playing anymore.
I hate rule. Rules are the worst!
- Sweetie, rules are important,
because they give everyone a fair chance to win.
We have to follow the rules.
- Hmm.
(alarm clock rings)
- (sighs) New day, new doo-doo.
(gentle music)
- Hup.
- Pay up!
- (screaming) Jessica!
- This is my toilet!
I put a little house in it.
So if you wanna use it,
you gotta follow the rules and pay up.
- Gibson! Wassap!
LOL, not much.
(toy house pinches) Ow!
- Pay up! - Ah!
(body thuds)
(fridge opens)
- (gasps) What in the!
(dramatic thudding)
(gasps) The seal's not even broken!
- Mommy.
(door closes) Pay up!
Thanks for watching! Bye!
(gentle music)