"THE FIVE."
CITING SECURITY CONCERNS,
NANCY PELOSI HAS ASKED
DONALD TRUMP TO GIVE HIS STATE
OF THE UNION IN WRITING.
TRUMP'S RESPONSE: CANCELING HER
TRIP TO BRUSSELS RIGHT BEFORE
TAKEOFF.
IN THE LETTER HE SAID HE WAS
SORRY TO INFORM HER THAT HE'S
CANCELING THE TRIP.
NO, NO.
HE WASN'T SORRY.
NOT AT ALL.
HE BASICALLY STOLE HER LUNCH
MONEY AND THEN HE ATE HER LUNCH.
STILL, TRUMP SHOULD ACCEPT HER
OFFER AND SEND THE ADDRESS IN
WRITING, A SHEET WITH JUST TWO
WORDS: BYE-BYE.
THEN HOLD A GIANT EVENT IN THE
MIDDLE OF AMERICA.
AFTER ALL, THE PEOPLE ELECTED
DRUM, NOT WASHINGTON, D.C.
NANCY AND THE DEMS CAN TAKE
SHELTER UNDER THEIR DESKS AND
WATCH IT ON THEIR iPAD.
TRUMP CAN TELL SOME JOKES JUST
SO THE PRESS HAS REASON TO BRING
THEIR HAIR.
THE MEDIA WILL COVER IT AND
HIGHLY FLAMMABLE FACT CHECKS.
IT WILL BE THE FIRST PEOPLES
STATE OF THE UNION.
IF THE MEDIA DOESN'T SHOW IT,
THEN WE KNOW IT IS PERSONAL AND
POLITICAL.
FOR IT IS HISTORICAL AND
HYSTERICAL.
WHAT DO THE DEMS DO?
NOT RESPOND WHEN HE DOES IT
ANYWAY AT A BETTER PLACE WITH
BETTER LOOKING PEOPLE WITH
MUSIC, PRIZES, FARM ANIMALS AND
FACE PAINTING?
AND ALMOST NO CARBON FOOTPRINT?
THINK ABOUT THAT.
DO THEY HOLD A RESPONSE WITH THE
SAME CARDBOARD CUTOUTS FROM
BEFORE?
NANCY JUST OFFERED TRUMP AN
AMAZING OPPORTUNITY.
IT GETS HIM OUT OF A REALLY DULL
SPEECH AND IT GETS "THE FIVE"
OUT OF GOING TO D.C., PLAYS WITH
OVERPRICED BOOZE AND POLITICIANS
AND SUBSTANDARD FOOD WHICH IS
REALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS
MONOLOGUE.
ALL RIGHT, ORIGINALLY WE WERE
GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE STATE OF
THE UNION BUT WE'VE GOT TO TALK
ABOUT THIS LETTER WHICH IS
FANTASTIC.
DEAR MADAM SPEAKER, DUE TO THE
SHUTDOWN, I AM SORRY TO INFORM
YOU THAT YOUR TRIP TO BRUSSELS,
EGYPT, AND AFGHANISTAN HAS BEEN
POSTPONED.
WE WILL RESCHEDULE THE SEVEN-DAY
EXCURSION WHEN THE SHUTDOWN IS
OVER.
OBVIOUSLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO MAKE
YOUR JOURNEY BY FLYING
COMMERCIAL, THAT WOULD CERTAINLY
BE YOUR PREROGATIVE.
DANA, OKAY, SOME MIGHT SAY THIS
IS CHILDISH.
[LAUGHS]
I THINK JUAN THINKS IT'S
CHILDISH.
I THINK IT IS CHILDISHLY
AWESOME.
>> Juan: USED ALL MY NOTES.
>> Dana: WE CAN READ YOUR
MIND.
THIS STORY BROKE DURING THE 2:00
HOUR AND I HAD JOHN ROBERTS AND
PETER DOOCY ON HERE WE FIND OUT
THAT NOT ONLY IS HE CANCELING
THE TRIP BUT THE TRIP IS
SUPPOSED TO LEAVE IN 30 MINUTES.
THEY ARE ON THE AIR FORCE BUS
WITH THE CAPITOL POLICE READY TO
GO.
>> Greg: SHE ALREADY TOOK HER
AMBIEN.
>> Dana: NEVER DO THAT UNTIL
YOU ARE THE RUNWAY.
>> Greg: YOU FALL ASLEEP AND
HE GETS DELAYED.
>> Dana: YOU COULD GET IN
TROUBLE.
I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO
HAPPEN TODAY.
IT WAS THE TIMING.
I ALSO FEEL LIKE BECAUSE THE
PRESIDENT WAS SILENT YESTERDAY
IN RESPONSE TO HER SUGGESTION
THAT HE RESCHEDULE THE STATE OF
THE UNION BECAUSE OF SECURITY
BUT NOW IT'S BECAUSE OF THE
SHUTDOWN AND HER LEVERAGE, THAT
THEY WAITED UNTIL THE 30 MINUTES
BEFORE THE BUS WAS ABOUT TO
LEAVE IN ORDER TO DO IT.
IT IS KIND OF LIKE A REALITY TV
SHOW.
TIT FOR TAT.
I UNDERSTAND THE THING ABOUT THE
SECURITY CONCERNS, WHO'S GOING
TO AFGHANISTAN.
WHAT CONGRESSIONAL DELEGATION
THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO LEAVE
TOWN WHEN THE SHUTDOWN IS
ENTERING ITS FIFTH WEEK?
I THINK HE SAVED THEM SOME MAJOR
EMBARRASSMENT.
>> Greg: THEY ARE BOTH DOING
EACH OTHER A FAVOR.
JUAN, I KNOW YOU THOUGHT IT WAS
CHILDISH.
WHAT MAKES US LAUGH SHOULD ALSO
BRING YOU PLEASURE.
>> Dana: ISN'T IT FUNNY A
LITTLE BIT?
>> Greg: YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY
THAT I'M HAPPY.
>> Juan: I'M ENTERTAINED.
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
IT'S GREAT.
LET'S MAKE FUN OF EVERYBODY.
AT SOME POINT, YOU HAVE TO SAY
GARY COHN, ECONOMIC ADVISOR TO
TRUMP BECAUSE SAYS HE DOESN'T
KNOW WHERE IT'S GOING.
IT'S BAD FOR THE ECONOMY.
THERE IS REAL CONSEQUENCE.
I LOVE A LAUGH, I'VE GOT NO
PROBLEMS.
TO DANA'S POINT, I THINK IT WAS
PRESIDENT TRUMP ACTUALLY WENT
OVERSEAS TO A WAR ZONE DURING
THE SHUTDOWN.
>> Jesse: THAT WAS WHEN PELOSI
WAS IN HAWAII.
>> Juan: IN OTHER WORDS, TRUMP
IS BEING TOTALLY HYPOCRITICAL
AND DELIGHTING IN IT BY SAYING I
WOULD LIKE YOU TO BE HERE SO YOU
CAN NEGOTIATE.
WAIT A SECOND.
DIDN'T HE LEAVE TOWN?
HE WAS GONE, JESSE.
HE WAS GONE.
TO ME, WHAT YOU SEE TODAY IS
TRUMP IS SAYING LET'S BRING BACK
SOME DIPLOMATS.
OH, OKAY.
YESTERDAY IT WAS LET'S BRING
BACK SOME IRS AGENTS.
HE IS SO ON THE DEFENSIVE, SO
LOSING THIS FIGHT RIGHT NOW THAT
HE IS TRYING TO LESSEN THE
IMPACT OF THE SHUTDOWN ON THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE BUT HE DELIGHTS
IN BOORISH BEHAVIOR, SKEWERING
NANCY PELOSI MAKING HIMSELF
LOOK, IN GREG'S WORDS, CHILDISH.
>> Greg: I WANT TO SHIFT A
LITTLE BIT TO THE OFFER THAT
PELOSI IS GIVING.
I BELIEVE HE SHOULD ACCEPT THE
OFFER, DO IT IN WRITING AND HOLD
A RALLY.
YOU DISAGREE WITH ME.
>> Jesse: I AM PRO-STATE OF
THE UNION.
I WANT TO SEE THE PRESIDENT LAST
THE DEMOCRATS AND HAVE NANCY SIT
NEXT TO PENCE SQUARE WITHOUT
BEING ABLE TO RESPOND.
THEN MAYBE SHE CAN RESPOND WITH
CRYING CHUCK AT THE PODIUM
AFTERWARDS AND GET HAMMERED.
I LIKE THE PAGEANTRY OF IT AND
USUALLY THE PRESIDENT GETS A
LITTLE BIT --
>> Greg: YOU WANT TO GO TO
D.C.
YOU WANT TO STAY AT THE TRUMP
HOTEL.
>> Jesse: I WOULD NEVER STAY
THERE.
THE COMPANY IS PAYING FOR IT.
IT WOULD BE A CONFLICT OF
INTEREST.
YOU KNOW THAT I AM ALWAYS ON THE
UP AND UP WITH THESE THINGS.
ALSO REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THE
DEMOCRATS OUT ON THEIR HANDS AND
THEN THEY SAID THE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN,
HISPANIC-AMERICAN UNEMPLOYMENT
WAS AT RECORD LOWS.
THERE'S POLITICAL WINDS TO BE
HAD FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE
STATE OF THE UNION AND SHE JUST
DOESN'T WANT THE PRESIDENT TO
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO MAKE
THE CASE FOR THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE.
WHAT HE DID TODAY WAS PIERCE
AVERAGE.
NANCY PELOSI IS PETTY BUT NO ONE
IS MORE PETTY THAN DONALD TRUMP.
SHE WENT LOW AND HE WENT LOWER.
MY FAVORITE LINE IS YOU CAN FLY
COMMERCIAL.
JETBLUE FLIES TO AFGHANISTAN?
PLEASE.
SHE HAD BEEN IN HAWAII.
HER CREW WAS IN PUERTO RICO.
SHE HADN'T BEEN AT THE
WHITE HOUSE FOR A WEEK AND THEN
SHE'S GOING TO BRUSSELS AND
AFGHANISTAN FOR ANOTHER WEEK.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO END THE
SHUTDOWN.
SHE LIKES IT.
SHE THINKS SHE'S SCORING POINTS.
>> Juan: I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE
TRUMP BUT WAS IT AN ENDORSEMENT
OF TRUMP TO SAY THAT HE IS GOING
LOWER THAN LOW.
>> Jesse: YOU CAN'T SAY WHAT
PELOSI DID THE OTHER DAY WITH
THE STATE OF THE UNIT WAS A
GREAT POWER PLAYER THIS IS
CHILDISH?
EVERYBODY ON THE LEFT --
>> Juan: YOU KNOW WHAT, THE
GOVERNMENT IS BROKEN.
IT'S NOT FUNCTIONING.
TO PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING IS
NORMAL IS MADNESS.
>> Nicole: IT RECONFIRMS WHAT
JESSE IS SAYING.
TRUMP AND PELOSI ARE MADE FOR
EACH OTHER.
ONE GOES ONE WAY, THE OTHER GOES
THE OTHER WAY.
AS A PARENT, IT REMINDS ME OF
THE HOUSEHOLD, A BAD TELENOVELA.
UNFORTUNATELY WE CAN LAUGH AT
IT.
IT'S FUNNY BUT IT'S NOT FUNNY
BECAUSE THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE ADULTS OF OUR COUNTRY.
WHETHER HE GOES TO THE STATE OF
THE UNION, IT'S GOING TO BE THE
SAME THING.
IT'S A POLITICAL EPISODE.
WERE GOING TO SEE DEMOCRATS
SQUIRM THEY BE A LITTLE BIT.
IT'S GOING TO BE A DEMOCRAT
BASHING SESSION.
NANCY PELOSI SPOKESPERSON, THEY
CAME OUT AND SAID THE PURPOSE OF
THE TRIP WAS TO EXPRESS
APPRECIATION THANKS TO OUR MEN
AND WOMEN OF SERVICE.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE CAN DO THAT?
BY STAYING HERE AND GETTING THE
GOVERNMENT BACK AND START PAYING
THE COAST GUARD.
THEY ARE ALSO MEN AND WOMEN IN
UNIFORM.
>> Dana: I WONDER ABOUT THIS
BECAUSE WHEN I WAS AT THE
WHITE HOUSE, I WOULD DO THIS
THING CALLED A SISTER TEST.
I WOULD CALL MY SISTER AND SAY
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IF SHE WOULD SAY I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF IT.
I WOULD SAY THANK GOD.
TODAY SHE SENT ME TEXT.
BOTH OF THEM, COULD THEY JUST
GET IT TOGETHER.
I WONDER IF THAT'S MORE -- WE
CAN LAUGH FOR A MOMENT BECAUSE
IT'S REALLY FUNNY BUT THERE ARE
CONSEQUENCES FOR PEOPLE.
>> Greg: RAND PAUL MADE A
SUGGESTION.
WE WANT TO PLAY THAT TAPE?
DO WE HAVE TIME?
NOBODY'S TALKING TO ME.
>> I THINK IT'S A REAL AFFRONT
TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
I WOULD SUGGEST
SENATOR McCONNELL IS IN CHARGE
OF THE SENATE.
LET'S HOST IT IN THE SENATE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN
HISTORY THE HOUSE WOULD DENY THE
PRESIDENT A FORUM OF SPEAKING.
IF SHE'S GOING TO DO THAT, LET'S
HOLD IT IN THE SENATE.
>> Greg: I DO NOT LIKE THIS
IDEA.
IT'S BORING.
IT'S EVEN MORE BORING.
YOU WANT TO SEE A RALLY IN
BILLINGS, MONTANA.
>> Jesse: MAR-A-LAGO.
>> Juan: HE HAD A SPEECH
ALREADY IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
DIDN'T MOVE ANYTHING?
DID IT CHANGE ANYTHING?
>> Dana: THIS IS A STATE OF
THE UNION ADDRESS.
IT'S A UNIFYING THING FOR THE
COUNTRY.
THERE'S VERY FEW TRADITIONS LEF
LEFT.
>> Juan: MORE DISTORTIONS AND
LIES AND MISREPRESENTATIONS?
>> Dana: I AM OKAY WITH THAT