So I wanted to build on some of what Shaykh Omar was so eloquently expressing about
the work that we've been doing and the importance of identifying the link
between trauma and faith and the connection that's there. And a connection
that we don't often really pay attention to until it's really pointed out to us
and that's kind of the hope in doing the work that we're doing is it brings
it to the forefront so that people realize that this is happening, right. So
when we say the word trauma, what are some of the things that tend to come to
mind, right? It's a big space so I'm not going to have you call it out. But
typically some of the things that come to mind when we hear the word trauma are
going to be things like war, situations being a refugee, really traumatic violent
incidents, and things like that, right. But what we have been finding, right, that
is definitely a form of trauma and those are called big t traumas, like a capital
T, right, and there was a research study that was done. It was called the adverse
childhood experiences study, or aces study for short. They sampled 17,000
people and in their study they found that 64% of the people that they studied
have experienced some of these big traumas in the course of their childhood.
But some of the the traumas that they included in that criteria were things
like emotional and physical abuse, neglect, a parent being incarcerated, even
parental divorce, when it gets really really ugly. So all of these different
things were different forms of trauma where 64 people, that means that two out
of three people you pass walking down the street, even in this convention, two
out of three people have experienced a really big form of trauma, right. And
we're just not really aware And then if we consider what are called "small t
traumas," right, smaller traumas like, you know, different situations
where, you know, you might have financial struggles, legal struggles, extreme stress
at work, just a lot of difficulties in interpersonal relationships in your life.
These can also leave their imprint and if we
consider that in a person's childhood and then later on in life, then
almost every single person sitting in here has experienced something, right. And
so when we think about it in that way we realize how commented how
common it is but then we also fail to realize the impact that it can have in
our spirituality and that's what we really focused our work on. So every type
of trauma that we or anybody else experiences is a form of loss. Every
single thing every struggle that we experience is a form of loss. We lose
something. We can either lose something- for example somebody who has gone
through a miscarriage, right. Very, very, very common. Somebody who has gone
through a miscarriage, they have not just lost the baby that they were
anticipating. They lost the dream of what their life would look like in becoming
parents. They lost the dream of everything that they would experience
with that child. Every step that they would take, right. That is incredibly
traumatic, right. So all of these different things can, it's a form of
of loss, okay. Now when we think about trauma it can manifest in a lot of
really different ways that we're not really familiar with. So some of the
things and as I'm saying these things try and think about yourselves right and
whether these are any of the the symptoms that you might have experienced,
right. Where you might experience a heightened sense of anxiety just being
anxious but not really knowing why, right. Like there's something in your mind
that's telling you I need to be worried but you go through your checklist and
there's nothing there to worry about but you're just anxious, right. That kind of
anxiety, experiencing nightmares, experiencing a sense of emptiness or
numbness, right. Like struggling to find joy in things that you expect
quote-unquote that you should find joy in, right. Depression, anger. A lot of
people don't realize that anger can be a part of trauma, can be a part of
even depression and anxiety. Difficulty feeling safe, avoiding conflict, right.
Like there's this inherent fear that a lot of us have of expressing what we
need to people in our lives because we did well I just really don't like
conflict. I just would rather avoid, you know, making anybody uncomfortable. right.
What, what is that? What is that about? Even, you know, our feelings of shame and
unworthiness. You know, like struggles with your
self-esteem. That doesn't just pop up out of nowhere. There are life
experiences that create that dynamic for you, right.
And then even physical ailments. We see this a lot in the Muslim community, right.
Because it's completely acceptable in our community to go to the doctor with
headaches or stomachaches or back pain and all of these different things.
That's completely normal. You get a pill. You're on your way and you know, until it
starts to wear off, and then it all happens all over again. There's not a
stigma in going to your primary care physician. But when those ailments
continue and treatment is not working, right, then it's something to consider
that it could be your body connecting with your brain and your heart in a way
that's bringing up these physical symptoms and that can be a symptom of
trauma. So one of the most important things in the work that we that Najwa
and I are writing is about this connection between the impact that our
past has and the way things are happening within our present. And the way
that we are with people in our lives and especially the way that we are with Allah subhana wata'ala
in our present. And so a lot of times, you know, when we are
for example feeling shaky after a fight with a spouse, the time that you walk
through the supermarket and somebody, you know, said something anti-Muslim to you,
the time that you yelled at your child for no reason at all. All of those things
make you feel shaky and they build up on one another
then you wake up feeling completely unhappy and you have no idea why, right.
Because all of these things build up and then they're not resolved, And so
sometimes knowing a little bit about the science behind trauma and what's
happening within us can help to alleviate some of the stigma and some of
the guilt that a lot of us feel in going through this, right. So research has shown
that even after we no longer think about a difficult struggle or a traumatic
incident that we've been through, even once we we don't really think about it's
not part of our daily life anymore, even after that that trauma, I know it
sounds strange but that trauma becomes stored in within our bodies. And it
manifests in different ways that we don't usually put together in, in the
puzzle of our lives. And so when we're exposed to trauma, what happens is that
we go into survival mode, right. So for example, this is not traumatic alhamdullilah.
I'm not being traumatized by all of you right now but the going
through a stressful situation of getting up on stage and seeing all of these
wonderful faces in front of me mashallah. What happens to my heart rate, right? What
happens to my breathing rate? All of these different things that my heart
starts beating faster, my hands start to get a little bit sweaty, right. That's a
stress response. That's what that's called.
And during traumatic incidents it is obviously much much more amplified and
it's a very normal experience when something really big is happening to us
or whether a stressful, when a stressful situation is happening. It is normal that
our brains will translate that to okay, this is dangerous, I need to prepare you
in how to respond. And that's called the fight, flight, or freeze response. Where
our brain tells our body, hey, there's something dangerous happening here. You
either need to run, you need to freeze, or you need to fight, right. So I'm fighting
right, because, I'm doing it I'm here. And I'm like, you know, I'm still, I'm still
talking. Alhamdullilah. I did not freeze, okay so, and I didn't run either, even when we
switched rooms. So so alhamdulillah you know that's, that's
what our brains do. Now what's gonna happen once I'm off the stage is that
everything will get back to normal because that's the normal response, right.
And so that's what will normally happen under a stressful situation. After it's
done you feel better right and it goes away because your body and your brain
are working, right. But after trauma, that's not typically what happens. After
a traumatic incident it takes a long time for your brain to to realize, okay,
I'm safe again. Until your body is constantly in this survival mode and
when your body's in that survival mode it's really difficult to connect with
people, and it's really difficult to connect with Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Because the
brain area that lights up when you're stressed out and scared is not the brain
area that's meant for connection. It's the brain area that's meant for survival
and fighting for your life, right. And so it effects us really intensely in a
spiritual way. So your soul almost starts to feel tired, especially for people who
go through trauma back to back to back, like in a lot of, you know, a lot of
experiences that people have. And so what happens is that these struggles and what's
going on in your brain can bring up a lot of doubts in your faith right. Itt can
bring up all of, once your brain is in that survival mode, then the brain area
in the front which is dedicated to good judgment, it's just not active. It can't
be active at the same time and so you're not going to be able to judge a
situation as to whether it's safe, even as to whether Allah subhana wa ta'ala is safe
for you. It's not going to feel that way, right, and so different thoughts are
going to be happening like a anger towards Allah subhana wata'ala. Why would Allah
subhana wata'ala put me through this? If, you know, or if somebody, you know, one of the
traumas that people experience is if a spouse has had an affair, right. That's
incredibly traumatic because suddenly they've been betrayed and it's
completely out of the blue and if they can't even trust this person, then who
can they trust. And that then extends to Allah subhana wata'ala. And so all of these
different things are implicated in, in our relationship with Allah subhana wata'ala, right.
And so one of the things that Shaykh Omar mentioned that I want to reiterate
is that this is not an indication of a person's imaan, right. There was a, there's
a hadith that I really really love where the Companions of Rasulullah (sallalahu alaihi wasallam) came to him
and they said we find in ourselves thoughts that are too terrible to speak
of. And so he asked them, do you really experience these types of thoughts, right.
And and pretty, it's probably thoughts about, doubts about Allah subhana wata'ala.
And then they said, yes we do experience these thoughts and he said this is a
sign of clear faith. He didn't say astagfirullah, how dare you talk to me
about this? He didn't say, oh wow, you better go and pray open that Quran like,
that, there's something that's really wrong that's happening. He didn't say
that. He said that is a sign of clear faith. How can doubts and these thoughts
that they hated so much be a sign of clear faith? Because they hated them,
right. If you are feeling within yourself this this feeling of like, I can't even
tell the closest person to me some of the doubts that I'm having because I'm
just too ashamed, that shows how much you care about Allah subhana wata'ala. Right, so how
can that be an indication of Imaan when the Companions of Rasulullah (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) even
experienced thoughts that they were ashamed of, right. And so one of the
things that come with trauma, right, is I picture trauma as this black shadow
that's like a wall that is built up. Our brain and our body builds up this wall
to protect us. But the problem with this dark wall is that it shelters our heart
from the light, right. It shelters our heart from being able to access that
light of having a connection with Allah subhana wata'ala. So the one major thing that can
be so healing in this process is our connection with Allah subhana wata'ala and then
we can't feel it and that's one of the most difficult things about trauma and
the impact that it has on us. But in the research that we were studying,
one of the antidotes that researchers have found is that if this is all
initiated by feeling terrified, by feeling alone, by feeling at risk and
vulnerable, right, then the antidote is those opposite feelings. It's to feel
secure. It's to feel accepted by people. It's to feel loved.
It's to feel safe, right, and there is no
greater source in allowing us to feel this except in our experience with
Allah subhana wata'ala, right. And so if we allow ourselves to take small steps, right. And
that's through therapy and through consultation with with our shuyookh
and things like that about how to incorporate the Islamic aspects into
into your healing journey in therapy, then allowing ourselves to take those
small steps can make a huge difference, right. And so the one, the last thought
that I want to leave you with is that although trauma can really impact our
brain and through that, impact our connection with Allah subhana wata'ala,
one of the things that has been most incredible in what we've been looking at
in the research is how changeable the brain is. right. It's really malleable and
so knowing that small steps that you take, consistent steps that you take can
have an incredibly positive impact on your brain and therefore on your heart
and on your body and your connection with Allah subhana wata'ala and knowing that
you are enough to overcome that because Allah subhana wata'ala has told us he never burdens a
person with more than they're capable of handling. And so even if we feel like we
can't handle it but Allah subhana wata'ala knows us better, right. And if He puts us
in that situation, He knows we're strong enough to deal with it and so we are
enough to be able to overcome that, even in the darkest moments inshallah.
So Jazakallah khaiyran for listening. Subhanakallahuma wabihamdihi (Dua).
Assalamu Alaikum Warehmatuallah.
you