In Donald Trump's America, everyone is speculating
as to who should be the most afraid.
Black people, Latinos,
the English language?
But there is one group who we know consistently has been
the focus of Trump's longing gaze.
Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown
of Muslims entering the United States.
I think Islam... hates us.
I want surveillance of certain mosques.
And we have to check other places.
There were cheering as the World Trade Center came down.
It wasn't people from Sweden
that blew up the World Trade Center, Jake.
I watched the next-door neighbor saying, "Oh, well,
we didn't report them because we didn't want to racially profile
or we didn't want to profile.
Give me a break.
Okay, I... I learned two things from that.
One, Donald Trump is not a fan of Muslims;
and two, he would be a snitch-ass neighbor.
(laughter)
That dude would be looking through his peephole
the entire time, spying on your apartment.
But now that Trump's gonna be president,
he doesn't need a peephole anymore.
He has the full force of the American government.
And unfortunately, he plans to use it.
House policies advisors are drafting,
they're discussing drafting a proposal
to reinstate a registry
for immigrants from Muslim countries.
A registry for immigrants from Muslim countries.
Well, let's not freak out just yet.
Maybe it's a gift registry.
-(laughter) -You know?
Yeah, you just moved to the country,
you need stuff to get started,
monogrammed towels, a new toaster, mm?
A pressure cooker-- actually don't get a pressure cooker.
Don't... that'll raise some questions.
Maybe just a crockpot-- but you know what I mean.
Now, now, look, America
Right after September 11, the Bush Administration
set up a database to track visitors
from 24 Muslim countries.
Well, actually, actually, this is interesting.
It was 24 Muslim countries
-Yeah. -(laughter)
I love how they threw North Korea in there
to try and cover up what they were doing.
Yeah, 24 Muslim countries... and North Korea.
It reminds me of me when I was younger
and I wanted to buy condoms at the store,
and I'd order a bunch of stuff on top of it
just so it wouldn't look like I was just there for the condoms.
I'd be like, "Mm, can I get some soda, please,
and some detergent and, uh, some candy
(mumbling): and the condoms, condoms are...
And then the guy behind the counter would be like,
"What kind of condoms?! Magnum?! Ultra thin?!
What condom do you want for your penis?!"
I'd be like, "Yeah, that's fine, I'm just gonna hit it raw.
"It's fine, man. This is... this is too awkward.
This is too awkward."
So anyway, this database was abandoned in 2011,
because it didn't help stop terrorists at all.
And it was widely criticized for being discriminatory.
But now Trump's team is talking about bringing it back.
And when you remember what Trump has said about Muslims
the past two years, giving him a Muslim registry
seems like a dangerous idea.
You know? You wouldn't give Jared
a list of all the playgrounds, you know what I mean?
(laughter)
For more reaction on this, we turn to senior religious
registry correspondent, Jordan Klepper, everybody.
(cheers and applause)
Jordan Klepper...
I-I got to say, a religious registry correspondent,
that's a weird title.
Yeah, I, uh, I made it up.
I used it to pad my resume
because I thought it would never be a real thing in America.
Plus it gave me an excuse to sleep in church pews
when I couldn't go home at night.
I don't understand, why couldn't you go home at night?
I tend to hurt the ones I love.
But, Trevor, there are bigger fish to fry.
(laughter)
It's been only nine days since Trump was elected,
and before he's even changed the White House Wi-Fi password
to "Mike has a tiny pence,"
we're already talking about a registry of Muslims
coming into America.
Yeah, but, Jordan, that sounds like a civil rights catastrophe.
How can they justify this legally?
Oh, you are not gonna believe how they justify it.
We did it during World War II with Japanese,
-which, you know, call it what you will. -Come on.
-Maybe, maybe wrong... -You're not proposing
we go back to the days of internment camps, I hope.
No, no, no. I'm not proposing that at all, Megyn.
I'm just saying there is precedent for it,
and I'm not saying I agree with it, but in this case,
-I absolutely believe... -You can't be citing
Japanese internment camps as precedent
for anything the president-elect is gonna do.
Look, the president needs to protect America first.
I'm not sure internment camps
are helping your case.
That's like me getting into the rap game going,
Hey, if Vanilla Ice can do it, you know?
(laughter)
Jordan, I'm sure you'll agree
and I'm sure the audience will also agree,
this is something that's really frightening.
We should do something about this.
I think you're absolutely right.
Yeah, we need to stand in solidarity with Muslim people
who are being targeted by Donald Trump.
-Yes. In solidarity. Yes. -Actually, actually...
-Actually... -Yes. -(cheering and applause)
Yeah, we need to. Actually...
You know what we should do? We should stand as one.
If they start registering Muslims in America,
-we all register as Muslims. -Yeah.
(cheering and applause)
That is one idea.
Let's keep spitballin'.
No, no. I think that's it.
If you think about it, if all citizens,
if all the citizens said, with the immigrants, they said,
I am a Muslim, it would take the power away
that any registry would have.
I was thinking a button.
Like a really nice button.
Looks good on a peacoat.
You can put it on, you can take it off
if you're in mixed company,
and you don't want to push your agenda.
Jordan. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no. It's not enough.
This is an opportunity for meaningful action.
Declare it here, loud and proud, Jordan.
Say it: I am a Muslim!
I am -- thinking about posting it on Facebook.
Who knows?
Dude, Facebook is not enough.
I agree, I'm on Instagram, too.
I've been hashtagging everything #notmypresident.
Look.
Delicious eggs benedict,
#notmypresident,
#bottomlessmimosas.
No, Jordan. I'm sorry.
First of all, your neck was weird, and secondly,
I'm not gonna accept that from you.
I need you to commit to action.
Well, you know what, Trevor?
I already did.
I hit the streets earlier today to rally the people to action.
Uh, Chuck, roll my special tape.
Trevor!
If you're watching this, I'm already gone.
You were probably pressuring me into doing something noble,
but I am a coward so I created this to cover my escape.
Now back to you looking confused.
(laughter)
(cheering, applause)
Well played, Jordan.