Hello, my name is Jon Bernthal,
and I feel
extraordinarily lucky
about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
Aw
That is really nice.
That's nice.
I like that. You know, I've always liked you.
You came on our show a couple of times.
Mhm.
We clicked, and I was all excited you were coming
on the show.
And then I suddenly had an attitude
about it this morning.
An attitude? Yeah, and I'll tell you why.
(man laughs)
Tell me.
Because a guy who works here, Aaron Blayaert,
we call him Blay.
Yeah.
It's just before you're gonna be here
and everyone's excited that you're coming in.
Oh boy. Everyone here is a big fan.
Oh man. Get ready to get disappointed everybody.
And I'm excited that you're coming in.
No, I'm excited that you're coming in.
And then Blay says, "Yeah he's just amazing."
He said, "You know it's weird,"
and he wasn't doing it jokingly he said,
"Conan, in a lot of ways he's your opposite."
(people laughing)
What? And I was like, "What?"
And he went, "You know, 'cause he's so cool."
(woman laughing) "And he's like a real man's man."
And I was like...
Aw, come on.
No seriously, Get out of here, Blay.
And everyone in the room was like, "Yeah, yeah."
No.
Yeah, he's the like the alternate.
And they meant it in the nicest way about you.
Aw.
And then I suddenly I was like,
"Shit, I think they're right."
I strongly disagree.
Listen, so I was just gonna say,
Mhm.
I was very tempted when you came in...
To fight me.
To fight you.
(Jon laughing) But to wait until some moment
when you were vulnerable.
You know, I want to do it,
(Jon laughing) I want to come at you
when you don't expect it.
I wanted Gourley to distract you.
I won't do it
And I wanted to have like a large stick or something.
(Jon laughing)
Oh.
So, I was gonna wait in a completely un...
And still you would have taken
the broken stick out of my hand.
I don't know about that. (Conan laughing)
You know what's crazy,
is I have these memories...
Uhuh
Of doing your show and you were so...
You know, it's such a horrifying thing to do those shows.
You know, when you're starting out,
and you were so good to me.
And one time I forgot my shoes...
Mhm.
I don't know if you have any,
you probably have no memory of that.
But, you gave me your own personal shoes.
They were way too big...
(Conan laughing) And I wore them on the show,
and you were so good to me.
And then I saw you...
And then you left with my fucking shoes.
(people laughing) I did too man, thank you.
And ever since then and you wear them,
even as the Punisher.
Right.
You were wearing my shoes.
Right.
Which they didn't even fit the character.
Yeah, they really didn't.
That's not what Frank Castle would wear.
Right.
I was like,
"Why the fuck is he wearing my shoes?"
But I remember seeing you at,
I think it was at one of these Hollywood,
I never go to these things.
But it was at Lizzy Caplan's...
Oh yeah.
Birthday party.
Yes.
Like on the...
The great Lizzy Caplan.
At the chateau.
The best in the world. And I love Lizzy, and so..
So smart and so funny, yeah.
And I saw you there, and I was literally like, "Can I...
I've been on your show,
can I go say hello to you?"
What? Yes.
And I didn't.
I was too shy to do it, man. That's ridiculous.
So there goes Forblay or whatever his name is.
Naw man.
He's right over there in the corner.
Oh, that was you dude?
Yeah.
Naw man, me and him are the same.
I'm as insecure as they get man.
I was like, "Shit I wish I could go."
And I literally was one of those should I shouldn't I?
And I totally wimped out.
Okay, so here's how one of the ways were different.
Just before we started rolling...
Mhm.
On this, we were chatting,
and the conversation started to get really good,
and I thought, "Wait a minute,
why aren't we rolling it on this podcast?"
That's how fun it is to talk...
Mhm To John, and I was like,
"We gotta get going on this, we gotta start rolling."
And the reason I wanted to start rolling is
that you were telling a story
that I can't tell.
Yes, I know.
You were telling a story about being in a...
The day before a wedding... Oh, Sean and Carrie, yep.
And you got hit.
Yep. You got into a fight
and somebody hit you with a bar stool from behind.
Guess what?
I don't have a story like that.
No, it's nothing.
But look, by the way, just to be clear,
(Conan laughs)
I was trying to break up a fight,
and I got hit over the...
We were talking about doctors
and getting hurt on things like motorcycles.
Yeah. When you make bad decisions.
Yep.
And I will never forget I did, we had gotten into a fight,
there was a lot of ex pro fighters
or pro fighters in Sean's family,
and I was trying to break up the fight,
not fight.
And a guy hit me from behind
with one of those outdoor bar stools.
Ugh.
And I got knocked out for a second,
and I had to get these staples across my head,
and they shaved that part of my head,
and I had all this dried blood,
cause I couldn't shower, you know.
And then I had to do my best man speech
looking like freaking Frankenstein.
(people laughing)
But I will never forget the look of disgust
in the doctor's...
You know, I went there to be treated,
and it was just like, "You fucking idiot."
Like, I have to spend my time...
He was mad at you?
Of course he was, 'cause I'm out there,
probably he thinks I'm talking smack at a bar,
and probably thought I totally had it coming.
And you know I tried to sort of you know,
sell my side of the story to him,
he wasn't interested at all.
And so...
Jon, you don't understand,
you have a story about breaking up a bar fight.
By the way, if a bar fight breaks out...
Yeah.
I don't break it up, okay?
Because you break out, right?
I quickly run, and I start swiping for an Uber, okay?
(woman laughing)
I don't know, man.
Yeah?
All my stories that involve
going to the hospital revolve around like,
" The medication they prescribed,
I put a little too much cream on my hand."
(Jon laughing)
"Slightly raised, reddish area..."
(woman laughing)
And yours is, "Man, I'm trying to break up a bar fight,
I got hit with a stool."
Yeah, it was bad.
That's how were different.
I don't know.
I've got to be more like you.
I think you would have done the same thing.
Teach me to be like you. Oh no, man.
Oh no, you teach me man. Please.
I'm not the least bit proud of that,
but I will say that doctor,
I could feel the palpable disgust.
And that is why I do ride my motorcycle.
And my wife did sort
of make a deal with me years ago.
She said, "It's either boxing or the motorcycle."
And that day I rolled my motorcycle down the street,
I gave it to, there was a guy,
Old Phil who lived down the street, an old army vet.
I gave him my motorcycle.
But now, because I think because of that bar stool,
I get such terrible headaches
when I box,
I've quit sparring
and I've quit mixing it up in the ring,
so I'm back to the motorcycle now.
But I am so afraid that if I do get hurt,
the doctors gonna look at me with
that same level of disgust,
because this is a decision that I made myself.
Right.
Stop going to that doctor.
(people laughing)
Yeah, maybe this doctor
is like this with everybody.
You think that's right?
Yeah. Maybe when like a 75 year old woman comes in
and says, "I think I have chest pains." You disgust me.
Weakling.
(people laughing)
You...
Suck it up.
With your weak third ventricle.
Lupus? How dare you.
(people laughing)