WELCOME.
ONE AND ALL.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO THE LATE SHOW, I'M YOUR HOST,
STEPHEN COLBERT.
NOW, FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I LOVE MY JOB.
UNLIKE SECRETARY OF STATE AND MAN WITH RESTING KILL ME FACE,
REX TILLERSON.
BUT TILLERSON'S LONG NIGHTMARE OF NATIONAL SERVICE MAY SOON BE
OVER.
TODAY WE LEARNED THE WHITE HOUSE HAS A PLAN TO FORCE OUT
SECRETARY OF STATE TILLERSON.
YES, IT'S A COMPLICATED PLAN.
THAT INVOLVES TELLING HIM HE CAN GO AND THEN PLASTERING OVER THE
WRECKED SHAPE HOLE IN HIS OFFICE WALL.
TILLERSON WAS ALWAYS KIND OF AN UNUSUAL PICK FOR SECRETARY OF
STATE.
HE WAS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE OIL EXECUTIVE WITH NO DIPLOMATIC
EXPERIENCE.
THOUGH HE WASN'T AFRAID TO STAND UP TO SOME OF THE WORLD'S MOST
DANGEROUSLY UNHINGED LEADERS, HE CALLED ONE OF THEM A MORON.
HE HAS CLEARLY CLASHED WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP AT ONE POINT HE
PROPOSED AN IQ FACE-OFF WITH TILLERSON
>> MEET AT DAWN, BRING A LOADED NUMBER TWO PENCIL.
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
GOLF RULES, LOW SCORE WINS.
OK?
AND BOOM.
LIKE THAT.
BUT TILLERSON IS FOR THE READY TO LEAVE JUST YET.
ACCORDING TO REPORTS, HE WAS INTENT TON FINISHING OUT THE
YEAR TO RETAIN WHATEVER DIGNITY HE COULD.
DEAR SANTA, ALL I WANT IS THE DIGNITY TO WORK FOR A MORON
UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
AND MORE DELICIOUS OIL.
THERE HAVE BEEN PLENTY OF SIGNS THAT TILLERSON IS NOT HAPPY.
THIS IS IS WHAT HE SAID WHILE LOOKING AT A STATUE IN
SWITZERLAN SWITZERLAND.
>> SOME DAYS I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO DO THAT.
>> AG!
AG!
YEAH.
THIS DOES FEEL PRETTY GOOD.
WE DIDN'T TIME HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE ME TO STAND UP.
DID WE?
THE WHITE HOUSE DENIED THAT TILLERSON IS ON THE WAY OUT.
THIS AFTERNOON IN AN APPEARANCE WITH THE CROWN PRINCE.
THE PRESIDENT EXPRESSED HIS STRONG CONFIDENCE IN THE
SECRETAR SECRETARY.
>> REX IS HERE.
>> YEAH, HE'S FIRED.
DARLING ARE WE GETTING DIVORCED?
>> YOU'RE HERE.
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
BUT STILL, STILL,.
>>> IT'S REFRESHING FOR A POWERFUL MOON MAN BEING FIRED
FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN FLASHING HIS JUNK.
HE APPARENTLY PLANS TO REPLACE TILLERSON WITH MIKE POMPEY,
KUSHNER WITH JEFF SESSIONS AND SESSIONS WITH A BUTTON THAT
FIRES ROBERT MUELLER.