Good evening. I'm so happy to be here and meet you...
My son did not quite tell the truth. Today I am ninety-one and a half [LAUGHTER], actually.
My son also did not tell another thing about our relationship.
My son, and I hate to divulge this, [LAUGHTER] has ruined my life.
As a Jewish mother, I never thought I would have to tell a secret. Jewish mothers are
born with certain genes.
They can't be acquired. They can only be very carefully honed. [LAUGHTER] Jewish mothers
are born to complain. [LAUGHTER] Actually, it's
called kvetching. We will always find something to
complain about. It also helps with a long sigh [LAUGHTER]
A few tears also help, but complain we must. It's either too sunny out, or too dull out, or it's
raining, or we don't have enough rain. We always find
something... And mostly, we send out this perfect child to the world
expecting he or she to become a doctor... [LAUGHTER]... a dentist, hmm-mmm, a lawyer is
also acceptable, but a Ju-Bu [Jewish-Buddhist]?
We also have another quality. We worry about everything. If one of my children is late
to meet me, I can write scenarios about what has happened to them, that Hollywood would give millions to have.
I can write about disasters that probably will occur in this universe, I don’t know,
but, anyhow, it’s just been so wonderful to keep complaining and to be worried and to be unhappy, despite the
fact that I have led the most incredible life that anybody can wish for. I’ve been everywhere
in this world… except Iceland [LAUGHTER]. I was married to the love of my life, and
except for the fact that I raised two rotten children, I really have nothing to complain
about. Last year, James came, as he told you, came
to stay with me while my wonderful daughter was out of the country. Daughters are really
special [LAUGHTER] and I guess James got so tired of hearing me complain about everything,
and nothing, that we started this little mantra, and every time I complained about something,
which was every third second, he said, Mom, why don’t follow this with “But I know
I am truly blessed”, and we started this game... By golly, it really works.
I do that with every complaint, but it really helped. And I really have become… oh, this
kills me [LAUGHTER]… I really have become a happier person. [LAUGHTER] I just now have divulged the secret. He has
ruined my entire life... Here, rotten kid… [APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]