(upbeat music playing)
(tense, dramatic music playing)
School-- it's how America's TikTok stars
spend their mornings.
As the new school year approaches,
COVID-19 has made things more complicated
than your math teacher's comb-over.
Because the big question is,
even if the virus isn't a major threat to children,
can they become adorable superspreaders
who infect teachers, staff, and their families back home?
Well, now we might be getting some answers.
REPORTER: As many school systems weigh their options
and evaluate data, a large and systematic new study
out of South Korea suggests kids younger than ten
spread the disease less,
about half as much as adults,
but children above the age of ten
can spread the virus at the same rate as adults.
Older kids, those teenagers,
get infected more frequently than younger kids,
and that is something we do have to be mindful of
as we bring kids back to school.
Oh, man. This is really not good.
Scientists now say teenagers can spread the virus
just as easily as adults.
And you know some parents are gonna try to brag about this.
"You know, well, Little Timmy's only 13,
but apparently he spreads COVID at a college level."
And I don't think any of this should be surprising to anyone.
Like, I'm not a scientist,
but of course teenagers can spread coronavirus everywhere.
Just look at how well they spread rumors.
For the last time, guys,
I did not pee my pants in math class, okay?
I peed them in English in first period.
So, look, this isn't great news.
And the only silver lining is
that it might at least help stop bullying.
"I'd shove you in a locker right now,
but my nana has a compromised immune system."
So, clearly, if kids go back to school,
there's a good chance the virus is gonna spread even more.
Which means Americans have two choices:
immediately devote massive resources
to helping schools implement safety regimes
so that kids can be protected, tested, and monitored
or, two, don't do that.
REPORTER: Missouri Governor Mike Parson is pushing for kids
in his state to go back to school even if they get sick.
Okay, now, there's the thing.
Governor Parson is not wrong, right?
Kids are the least susceptible to Covid-19,
and if they do get sick,
they usually don't need to go to the hospital.
They can stay home.
But what he seems to be forgetting is that,
unless all these kids live in Neverland,
they go home to adults,
which is not good, because, you see,
coronavirus is like Baby Shark.
It can't hurt kids,
but it will destroy adults' lives.
So, basically, if you don't get corona under control,
the schools can turn into an Amazon fulfillment center
for coronavirus.
It starts in a centralized location,
and within a couple of days, it's personally delivered
to everyone's house, or maybe one day with Prime.
The only way this isn't going to get adults infected is
if parents and their kids have no contact.
I mean, no communication,
no affection whatsoever, no touching.
Basically, Trump's relationship with Eric.
And parents aren't the only ones in danger here.
Unsurprisingly, teachers all across America are not enthused
at the the idea of having to put their lives at risk
so that little Aidan can build a baking-soda volcano.
In fact, in an historic move,
Florida's largest teachers union is now suing Florida's governor
for ordering schools to fully open in a few weeks.
And look, until these issues are resolved,
most parents in America are stuck
between a rock and hard place.
'Cause what do you do?
Do you keep your kids at home, teach them yourself,
and eventually blow your brains out?
Or do you take the risk-- send them to school
and gamble with your family's health?
Well, many rich families have decided
they're going with option C.
Parents worried about sending their kids back to school
are coming together to create smaller,
so-called "pandemic pods."
NEWSWOMAN: Pandemic pods, a 2020 version
of the one-room schoolhouse.
The small groups of students are getting together
and paying for a private teacher.
The pods are seen as a way to mitigate risks
and give kids a chance to socialize
and learn together during in-person teaching.
The price cost for private instructors can run anywhere
between $25 and $80 per hour,
adding to concerns that the coronavirus pandemic
is exacerbating the inequities in the education system.
Yes, rich people are getting private instructors because,
one: they can afford it and two:
because they aren't allowed to just bribe colleges anymore.
And here we have yet another way
the education gap in America is going to become even wider,
'cause after this pandemic, you're going to have kids
who are supposed to be at a fifth-grade reading level
only reading at a second or third grade level.
And if this generation comes out of school
not being able to read, I mean,
what jobs are going to be available to them?
I mean, president for sure, but what else?
So that's where America is right now.
In a time when students need help more than ever,
the government is going from "No Child Left Behind" to,
"Yo, you kids are on your own."