(waking up groans)
(laugh)
(belly slaps)
(laughing)
(yawns)
(scissor snips)
(doorknob rustles)
- Hey!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Morning!
Charlie, how did you make
all this mess just now?
- Do you want a coffee? - Please
(dog bowl clangs)
Okay
(dog food clinks)
Good dog. Oh my god.
And a quiggie boy.
There you go.
What am I wearing today?
LEGO shirt it is.
Here we go!
Put my underwear on like everyone else-
badly.
I do want a coffee!
(refrigerator door creaks)
(lid clicks)
(pressurized air whirs)
(silverware clinks)
Uh, my penis!
(cereal rustles)
(milk pours)
(spoon clinks)
Oh my God! A little llama!
(sips coffee)
All right, the house is tidy
Okay, Google, what's the weather forecast
for today?
- 63 and a low of 49.
- Google, why are you talking
in fucking American?
Should I wear this hat today?
- Nooo!
- I think this looks good.
- I think you're a liar
- Hey, baby girl.
Oh, and you as well. Hello.
- Tom?
- Yeah, babe?
Hairbrush?
You ready?
Nice catch.
I think the flowers died.
You!
Ooh, good! Acne.
(shoes clunk)
(Tom groans)
You guys having fun?
It's Chloe!
- See you last week
Pop them into the oven to bake.
(laughing)
- He's got his dick out!
Do I need my wizard's staff?
- Where are we going? Trampolining?
Yeah, you should probably take it.
- (makes kissing noise)
- I don't have weeds
I hope I brought a key.
(door opens)
Hello.
- ♪ Durdordaff Dor Dor ♪
- Dingdong.
Safe travels.
Let's jump! Let's go jump!
Why is there a furry mascot?
It's some boys!
Ooh, that's a big one now!
Let's go finger a computer
Eh.
Oh, no! It's not a touchscreen.
- Don't put the socks on the child!
- First tattoo.
(woman instructor speaking)
Bounce, you fools!
Do a flip!
- They're very unstable.
- He's gonna dunk!
He's gonna dunk!
He's lost the ball!
- You have a go.
Oh, he's gonna dunk it, is he?
How do you feel?
- Round
(laughing)
- An embarrassment to us all.
- No!
(pillow plumps)
I miss him.
Eddie, your go!
(laughing)
(pillow plumps)
Ah, wow!
(Drum and bass music)
- Save me, father!
- Eh, there he is.
- Free them!
- It's Spidered-man!
We're all old, Dan.
Oop!
- Go on, Mr. Bub.
Ohh!
- Elliot's here!
(high-pitched cheering)
- Yay!
- Fight!
(screaming)
You're a loser!
Ah!
Yeah, he's so good at flossing!
- (mocking intense music) Da-da-da Da-da Da-da da-Da-da
- And dab!
No!
You're going to jail!
Ah!
Hello, Rick.
Got your snacks?
Don't pour it down your pants!
Wobbly sausage!
Oh, he's balding already.
Yeah, he's got your hair.
Come on, Rick.
(groans)
My nads are claggy.
(fast-paced tongue gobbling)
Oh, there's the rain!
Rick, watch out!
What? Where did you get that?
Oh, dear.
- ♪ Golf! Golf! ♪
♪ (warbled) Golf! ♪
- You're privileged, sir.
Gime!
I find it cool.
We're gonna get some books.
(shushing)
I want to be haunted by Kerry Barnes.
- Ant World. - Ant World.
- Ants.
- Bad take.
Father's Day!
What are you getting your dad, then?
(cardboard clicking)
(piano keys sounding)
He's gonna love it, dude!
Disgusting YouTubers.
Jesus!
Put it back.
Comics for the boy!
Oh, Elliot, you can do it.
That's a lot.
This is a creepypasta, but as a book.
Want some light reading, Rick?
We are looking at fat Pikachu.
Oh, brilliant!
We're gonna get a couple mangos!
Oh, an animeen!
Ruwubbie.
Oh, you're not a witch.
- Not yet!
- Oh, the boy.
Encyclopedophile!
(wheeze laughing)
I gotta tweet that!
(laughing)
Heh heh. That's a handsome boy.
Let's go look at animals.
I feel like he's lying to me.
Not to be too relatable, but mood.
Rick, that's called a bird!
That's a birdie!
- Can you say, "systemic patriarchy?"
Child in shelf.
(laughing)
- Yo, wow, we're young.
- I'm winning. Oh, he looked away.
Oh, yeah, you run.
- I think you guys are screwed.
The doggy some bunnies.
Don't eat them.
That's not for you.
Ooh, rat skins.
- Dig in. - Rat skins.
- [Checker] Scan them please.
- Card.
(machine beeps)
- They had a rabbit called "Cole."
- I wanted to buy him.
- [Tom] Ah. - Ah.
- [Eddie] Ah. - Ah.
- [Eddie] Ah. - [Tom] Ah!
Time for your first Nando's.
- Oh, dear.
- What a nice table we've found.
What the hell?
Cheers.
- No.
- Hummums.
(laughing)
- Now spit it back
into his mouth like a good dad.
- You asked for this.
- I asked for help.
- Teamwork! (knives clinking)
- Cheers!
- ♪ Nando's ♪ (banging on table)
- You're upstaging me a bit.
- Plain?
- Just like Sammy Paul
- No one has ever had this many problems.
(crying)
How old are you?
- Three.
- You're a sexy, little three year-old.
- ♪ Din-din-din Din-din-din-din ♪
- What song is this?
- Oh my God, Charlie.
- Despacito?
- I'm so tired
- ♪ Mam-mini-mini-mu ♪
Bye, Eddie!
- 'Kay, bye!
- Bye, Rick!
- See you later!
- It's my expression.
- Dickhead.
I would like my Uber please.
- (yells)
♪ Dee-Doo-Doo Doo-Dee ♪
- You don't see that
in a normal mugging
- (groans) Yeah!
LEGI!
- LEGI! - LEGI!
- This is an extremely bad take, you guys.
You're not even trying.
- Tickling is a sex game isn't it?
- ♪ Dinosaurs ♪
Dinosaur Golf!
Dibs on the pink ball.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Oh!
I'm afraid you just looked at my balls.
- That's too many.
Where are we going?
Whoa! Holy shit!
- Eddie!
- What is it?
- You've gotta look in there, mate.
It's not a spider.
- (laughing) Oh my God.
- It's much worse.
- So I hit it at just one?
- Ready?
- Fuck you, Dan!
- Is silence your specialty?
- Ah, I farted!
- Fuck you.
(laughing)
- Four! Five! Six!
- Seven!
- Use your secret move!
Oh, God! Playthrough!
Isn't nature beautiful?
Ooh! Hello?
MLG.
- Oh!
(screaming)
- I'm a mini golf cowboy
- Yas, queen!
- Explain!
- Go off!
- No!
Conk!
Oh, he's got a little hat on him!
- Ready?
- Ramp it!
I got two!
Stop it! No! Stop!
- I like it!
- That's just a design flaw!
Look, it takes your balls!
(yelling in amusement)
You think they'd just clear that up.
- Dinosaurs!
- They're just spiky dogprint!
Oh, the dinosaur is squishy!
Get it right!
Yeah, that's better.
Sulky boy on his sulky mountain!
Impress us.
- No!
- Oh my God!
Hello, Mr. Saur.
What's your name?
Hello, Mr. Do Not Climb.
Stupid pigeon.
Who you texting?
Your mum?
- I'm texting your mum, mate.
- Aw, she needs that.
(nonsensical crosstalk)
Chloe, don't look behind you.
- Why?
- There's a dinosaur.
No!
- Stegosaurus.
- It's not!
- Please!
- Not today, 'cause it's the train kid.
- Disgusting!
- Come, Mr. Uber.
How'd the bloody day go?
- [Uber Driver] Um.
- Thank you very much.
(door closes)
I'm gonna go now.
- I'm tired.
- Hi, Tired, I'm Tom.
(Tom makes kissing noise)
Let me in! Let me in!
(doorknob clicks)
Hello, what's behind Door Number 1?
Here they come to save the day!
Charlie, where did you put
all my fucking mess?
Oh, there it is. Thank you.
Hey, bitch. Ow, my penis.
Is that a clean sock?
Not anymore.
Bloop.
Pinky lady.
- Be careful.
- Oh, it is poopy.
My hand is pooey now.
Go away!
- An attempt.
- [Tom] Did you dye your hair?
Eh, it's clean enough.
- Chitita?
- Look, it's me
- Oh, look! My book!
- Go through it.
- Is that what it is?
- Let's go to the shops.
What do you want Charlie? - My Ribena
- You want your Ribena?
(door closes)
EGO.
- EG.
- So close!
- You've got to be patient.
- Do it!
Chloe, do you want a mag?
(Chloe laughs)
Who the fuck are they?
- Probably TikTok.
- Harry Potter LOLs.
That's not a goat, that's a bear.
I'll get two.
Eh. Ehhh.
Everything is fine.
Aw, man, get a load of that road.
- Ha. Classic!
- No!
(dog toy squeaking)
Yeah, you guys can never breed.
- I want you dead.
- That's fair.
Sleepy boy having a sleepy boy time.
(gasp) Big teeth!
Hi.
What are you wearing?
- I am Generic Bodyguard #5
Dolores Umbridge.
- Yes, it is.
- Evil Queen. - Wow!
Do you want a makeup sponge?
- That'd be great.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Is this white face?
One of these days I'm gonna make you guys
start picking up these cigarettes.
- What? What?
- (bleating)
- M'lady.
(upbeat indie music)
- Let's go party!
Got any wives?
(laughing)
♪ Upbeat music ♪