Welcome to the channel. I've got nothing prepared this week.
(Opening screen)
I want to talk about this.
Okay.
Excuse me.
Why are you doing this to me?
Like, what the fucking hell?
Rosie! There are things in your life that are... Oh, okay, that's just really cruel.
That does look like the Kanye West collection.
You could use this for many different things. Okay.
It can double.
I use it for things, it's called seduction.
I can double, right, as a hair tie.
That's a really cruel thing to do.
Aw, they are wet. Don't put them on her.
Aw, she looks like a sad little washerwoman.
Hey! If I'm gonna be shamed, you're gonna be shamed.
I've got a dentist appointment soon and I'm scared because I've got one tooth that grew sideways and didn't grow up and things get stuck under it.
The other day I flossed...
Things like what? Lies?
Rosie, there's something in your teeth right now.
I asked you if there was something in my teeth.
You said no.
I snotted. I snotted. Can you see it?
Why are your nostrils so uneven?
Why are you saying that my nostrils aren't...
Where is it?
No, stop it!
Babe... You fucking bitch. I said to you at the beginning...
There's so much!
Wait, I'm paralysed, but second of all, why are you saying my nostrils are so uneven? That's really mean.
'Cause they are.
No, they're not.. Look at them!
What?
They're so shockingly uneven.
Are they?
Yeah.
Have I got a wonky honker?
What's happened to my head?
There's nothing in it. Right.
What's your favourite thing that I wear?
I like those shorts and your basketball tees.
That sounds very lesbian.
I like it.
What about all the dresses that I wear?
I like it when you wear dresses.
And what about all the...
I like it when we go out to meals when you, like, dress up because you don't normally do that.
But I like that you don't normally do it. So it's a nice surprise.
What d'you mean that I don't make an effort on a day to day basis like you? Some people don't need to.
Oh, you're still there.
Shut your mouth!
This is half your problem, that's why your face always gets pregnant.
I read people's comments and we are very very very interactive with our audience, and you know, I really care what you guys think.
And a few of you lately have said that I've been too harsh with Rosie in the banter, so I listened. So I'm gonna let Rosie...
That upsets me because first of all I like to think that I normally win the banter war.
So if you're saying that Rose is harsh that means I'm not being, like, not coming back as strong, which I thought I did.
Number one: I don't mean anything that I say that doesn't condone it.
Number two: I think that Rosie gives as good as she gets.
Number three: we have a very strong relationship and I'm just playing.
But, number four: Rosie, I'm gonna let you take the stage and fire whatever you wanna fire at me.
And because we're in a loving committed relationship, obviously these guys will realise that it's just bants, okay?
Yawn, Rosie.
I've done it.
Did you just do an inward yawn? Like this?
I always know, right. I always know.
I tried to do that at school. So I wanted to yawn, right?
So, I thought I'm gonna be so clever and not yawn publicly. So I did this.
Didn't even notice.
I really like a lot of things about you, still, even after all this time, it surprises me.
Awww, I feel the same.
D'you know what we are?
What?
Penguins.
Aw, what, monogamous?
Fishy and a bit fluffy round the edges?
I love not covering my hand on YouNow when I yawn. I kept yawning the other night...
Why would you cover your hand?
Excuse me, guys.
You know what I mean.
I love not covering my mouth. 'Cause I just like to deepthroat my audience... The old days.
We've only been married one year. Can you imagine when we've been married two? It'll be the same.
And that's maths.
That's my roll, okay? You don't just grab it and... 'Cause that's my backup roll.
What's that song by Shayne Ward? ''That's my roll''?
''That's my goal''.
Pick a new current song and I'll sing it to you in penguin. Go.
Sorry by Justin... I know it's not new but it's still current in my life.
*Makes penguin noises*
Aw. Now do a baby penguin doing it.
*Makes higher penguin noises*
Aww...
(YAWNS)
Are Bette and Tina married?
Tell me what special things we're gonna do when we go away for anniversary weekend.
Well, I'm gonna have a spa treatment given to me by a another woman.
Sort my hair out.
You put it on my lip gloss because you know that's upsetting.
That's so mean.
You know, it's the most horrible thing, you'be got my hair and put it on my lip gloss, you bitch.
You smell real nice today.
Yeah, I'm sure it's not my horrendous brand.
Guys, when you get married expected to be, like, a lot less of the spontaneous, kind of like, sexual experience.
Because, honestly...
(Rosie): I can have spontaneous sex with you.
Let's do it. Right here. Right now.
(Rosie): Hm, I'm a bit tired, but like...
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
She's always tired. ''Oh, I've got a headache. Oh, I haven't shaved down there''.
''Oh, I'm already pregnant so I can't have sex with you''.
Like all these excuses that get really old. (Rosie): Are you saying that I say I'm too tired often?
Rose: Hm?
(Rosie): Huh? I don't say that.
What? Come sit. (Rosie): I'm up for it.
Let's go. (Rosie): As long as I can just lay down.
What's new?
Should we get one of those paint-your-own, make-your-own airplane sets?
No, do you know why? We'll have a divorce over them.
Can we talk, right, about how in The L Word
when Jenny and Tim break up, and she takes hallucinogenic magic mushrooms in the car
hangs out with these teenyboppers that she writes him a letter and says:
''All that I can do is rip out my heart and offer you a selection of sweet breads and variety meats.''
Because I'm angry at the scriptwriter there... That is what I like to call lazy.
Are you having a joke at our expense? Are you having a joke at our expense?
What does one wear to a lesbian wedding?
This is a great example of us doing 'bitches to the honey bitch' but at a lesbian wedding.
Try to pull the bridesmaids.
Easy, I could pull a bridesmaid.
Could you? How would you pull a bridesmaid?
I don't know. Teach me.
Hi. Great wedding. God, everyone looks so gorgeous, especially you.
Oh, well, thank you.
Oh, you're welcome. I'm Rose.
I'm Rosie.
You probably already know me.
Oh, uhh...
Are you suscribed?
Oh...
I also do YouNow.
Are you friends with the bride?
Which one?
Um, both of them?
Probably.
One of them?
Uh, so, who are you here with?
Oh, well, I... I'm here with the other bridesmaids.
Are you gay?
No.
Why are you wasting my time?
Hey! Great wedding. Oh my god, I don't think I've been to a wedding this fabulous since my own wedding.
But I'm not married anymore!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
What happened? Rose: Don't be. She's dead. It's fine.
I'm so sorry. Rose: Tragedy.
Absolute tragedy.
Um, you never see it coming, especially when you're too busy focusing on other beautiful people. Hey.
What are you drinking? Rosie: What?
So, you didn't know she died because you were looking at other women. Is that what you're saying?
That's correct.
''Shaken, not stirred?''
Uhhh...
I don't really like James Bond, because he's a misogynist.
Okay...
Um, I also noticed that you're a white woman. That's something we have in common.
That has no bearing on my preference, I'm just saying that... that's something we have in common.
Do you want to get a drink later?
I mean, yeah, it's an open bar.
Yes, it is.
Just about as open as your legs by the looks of it.
Sorry?
Pardon?
Are you slut-shaming?
Are you even related to the brides?
I'm very heavily on my period right now.
I'm leaving.
Hi.
Are those real?
Yes, they are.
Oh, really? Okay, cool. Why did you get them done?
No, they're real, they're nat... I grew them myself.
Oh, I don't listen to people, I don't listen to women as my wife.
All right, guys, I guess I'll be seeing you...
Um, what are you drinking? Oh, really? That's cool because it happens to be my favourite drink.
What, that's your favourite drink? Hence why you're drinking it, can I get you another?
What's that? You've already liked, commented and subscribed? I really appreciate that.
But not as much as you are going to appreciate my time in the bedroom tonight.
So...
Check out my channel for vlogs and stuff.
Let's hit on other people and see what happens.
Okay.
Don't take it too far... We're married.
Babe, all I have to do is, like, look at a woman, and it's just like. Mop up.
And then walk away.
That's disgusting.
What? They were sick.