- Because you're my wife, and you love the theater,
and it's your birthday.
Great.
Unfortunately, the, the orchestra's already filled up,
but they do have seats that are still left
in the dress circle,
so if you want me to get them theater tickets right now,
I'ma do it right now.
- What's up, dog? I'm about five minutes away.
- Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Cool.
No, they all good singers.
They all good singers.
- Yeah, son. Mm-hmm.
Nah, man, I'm about to...
I'm telling you, man, I'm about to cross the street.
- Nah, they got that one dude in it that you love, man.
He gonna be in it. Yeah.
- Come on, man. You know I'm almost there, all right?
- Right, no. I'm gonna pick your *** up at 6:30 then.
- Cool. Cool. All right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The parking is, the parking is free.
So we already got that on lock.
- Oh my God, Christian.
I almost totally just got mugged right now.
(singers vocalizing)
- [Driver] All right. Where you headed, youngster?
- Yeah, I'm headed to the Cobo building on Jefferson.
- All right. Yeah, Cobo Hall, Jefferson Avenue. Mm-hmm.
So, what you in Detroit for?
- I gotta do a presentation.
- Oh, all right. Okay, yeah.
Presentation. Okay. Well.
What are you presenting?
- Actually, it's about how market research
can be interpreted with out-of-the-box solutions.
- Oh, all right.
So you're gonna get this all outside the box.
All right. (laughs)
- Most people think that all customers
are a single demographic.
- Oh, okay.
You trying to get all them demographics up in here.
All right. All right. Yeah.
(driver laughs)
- Online trends are less linear.
- Oh, okay. Online.
Trends. Linear.
Mm-hmm.
(passenger scoffs)
- I'm also thinking about doing the presentation naked.
- Oh.
- No clothes on.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Naked presentation. No clothes on.
That's good.
- Afterward, I might just **** on the floor
in front of everyone.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, all right.
******* right there up in front of everybody. (laughs)
All right. Sound good.
- Then I might just shoot everybody in the place, you know,
with the gun I'm hiding in my ***.
- Yeah, yeah. Gun way up in that ***.
That's the way to do it.
- I'll cut my victim's faces off, wear them as masks.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Masks go on the face.
Uh-huh. Yeah, okay.
- Ich bin ein Schein. Heil Hitler!
- Yep. Okay. Heil Hitler to you, too.
All right. Here we are.
(door slams)
Oh, and by the way,
when you kill those people with your *** gun,
make sure to use a serrated blade to cut their faces off.
(dramatic music)
Auf Wiedersehen.
(German music) (singing in foreign language)
- Just got your check?
- Yeah.
- ****!
Look how much I lost in taxes.
**** government. - Ooh.
- Look at that.
Might as well join the Tea Party.
- Excuse me. What did you just say?
- Might as well join the Tea Party?
- Come with me.
- Whoa. What's going on?
(patriotic music)
- You are the chosen one.
- What the hell are you talking about, man?
- We've been waiting for you.
- Waiting for me? What?
The hell is this?
- I found him!
(crowd cheering)
- Tell them what you were telling your friend.
- What? I hate taxes?
(crowd cheering)
- What do you find appealing about the politics
of the Tea Party?
- I'm not a politician!
- A real man of the people.
- [Reporter] How do you feel about the Second Amendment?
- Man, I don't want this.
- Taken away from you, just like the rest of us.
(crowd cheering)
One of many issues you're passionate about.
(crowd cheering)
Oh, smile!
(crowd cheering)
Now, come meet your public.
- Public. What you talking about?
I don't know no public.
What is this?
(patriotic music)
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the new leader of the Minnesota Tea Party
and the next president of the United States.
What's your name?
- Terrell Jackson?
- Perfect. Terrell Jackson!
(crowd cheering)
- Look, look, look.
I don't want any part of this, all right?
- [Audience Member] You hate the government!
That's great!
- [Audience Member] Show us your gun again!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
- Look, y'all are just too creepy.
You, you can have this back.
(gun fires) (Terrell screams)
(crowd oohs)
- Great. Where are we gonna find another black guy?
(patriotic music)
- Honey, someone's here.
- Oh.
Oh, hey!
(man farts)
Good to see you.
- Thanks for having us.
(man farts)
This is my girlfriend.
(man farts)
- We're so happy you could join us.
- And this is my wife.
(man farts)
- So this is the infamous (farts) and (farts).
(farts) has told me so much about you both.
(all laugh)
- All good things, I hope.
You can never trust (farts).
- Oh, wait a minute.
- And please, please don't call me (farts).
Makes me think my mother's around someplace.
- Oh!
- Hey. You know where is little (farts)?
- Oh. She's at (farts) house for a slumber party.
- Ah.
- Oh, oh, oh. (farts) and (farts).
This is a couple from New York
that we wanted you guys to meet.
This is (farts) and her husband (farts).
- They're gonna be in New York for a few weeks,
so we were hoping you could give them some tips.
- Oh, sure.
- That'd be great.
So how do you know (farts) and (farts).
- Oh, well, (farts) and I went to
(farts) School of Dramatic Arts
back when (farts) was working in Midtown.
- Oh.
- Where did you work?
- I was at (farts) and (farts).
- Oh, the law firm.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
How are you?
It's so good to see you.
- Good to see you!
- Hey, everybody, this is (farts).
I want you to meet one of my dearest,
oldest friends, (farts).
This is his girlfriend (farts).
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hello.
- Of course, you know (farts).
This is (farts), and this is her husband (farts).
- Hi.
- What a beautiful name.
You know, I knew a (farts) in grad school.
- Oh. - Oh!
- Well, thank you, but it's actually pronounced (farts).
- Wow, I swear that sounds
like what you were saying (farts).
- Anyways, it's lovely to meet you all. (laughs)
- Yes. (laughs)
- Robert!
I'm so sorry. I'm a wreck.
Show myself to the restroom.
- Wow.
- Jesus. - Wow. So rude.
- Oh, well, for (farts) sake.
(application beeping)
- Hey, buddy! - Hey, brother,
what's going on, man?
- I think we got dis- - I'm sorry.
I'm talking at the same time as you.
- Okay.
You go ahead and talk. - Go ahead.
- I'm sorry. Go ahead. - No, it's all right.
- Are you talking right now? Are you-
- No, I'm trying to...
- Go ahead. - All right. This is...
- Go ahead. - Okay, go ahead.
All right. I'm just gonna- - I'm gonna talk,
and you just keep-
- Nope. - Okay.
- It's you. - I'm sorry.
- No.
It's just that my internet connection is a little weak.
- All right, I'll go and then you just...
Gosh.
- Are you talking right now? - No.
- I can't even tell if it's a delay.
- God (beeps) it! (beeps) Okay.
You go first- - I'll talk,
and then you start- - And speak, and then, no.
What? - What's that?
What? Wait.
What?
(beeps)
I can't (beeps) believe this. Not (beeps) today.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Not (beeps) today! - Ridiculous!
- Gotta have this conversation. (beeps)
- Okay. - Okay.
Okay. Did the delay come back or did you catch up?
If you haven't (beeps) caught up,
we wouldn't be talking in the same-
- Wow.
- God **** it!
Okay, listen. - Okay. Here's the thing.
- Okay, listen.
We gotta stop trying to talk-
- Let me just get in. - At the same time.
Let me just get in. - And try to make-
- Okay.
- Or this conversation, it's gonna just go on...
forever.
- I can't get out of it. - Okay.
- I can't. Listen. - Then that's ridiculous.
I'm, I'm, that, no.
God help me, please! - There's only one thing
we can do, okay?
There's only one thing we can do.
- No, listen to me. - Yeah.
- I don't know how to get outta this!
- Well, then we gotta end it.
I gotta end it. - How do I end this?
- I can't do it anymore. - I can't do it anymore.
- Okay, fine! - I can't do it anymore.
- Then we're gonna end it.
Okay, we're gonna end- - I can't.
I can't do it anymore.
- Keegan? Keegan, I'm gonna end it.
You're frozen.
I can't tell...
We're gonna end it, okay?
I just don't want you to be offended.
Ending it.
And oh.
Oh, he really meant "end it."
- Hey, man. You got it?
- Yeah, I got it.
(dealer sniffs)
(sirens blaring)
What you doing?
- Hmm?
- What the?
What the hell are you doing?
- Um. I'm just trying to give you the money.
- Don't whisper. Don't whisper.
Just speak like a normal individual, all right?
Act natural and just gimme the money.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay, okay. I will do that.
- Thank you.
- Hey, man. What's up?
What you doing?
- What's with the Robin Williams routine, man?
What's going on here?
Why you playing to the cheap seats?
- I'm just trying to act, I'm just trying to,
I'm trying to act natural.
- Well, why are you jumping in between different characters
to do so?
- I'm not, I'm not doing that.
What am I?
- Trying to act natural.
- If anything, I'm changing my volume.
- You acting like someone who's trying to hide it.
You know Who tries to hide it?
Dudes who's buying drugs trying to hide it.
- Shh, shh, shh. - All right?
- Okay. - You looking like the most
drugs-buyingest-
- Okay. Please stop saying the word "drugs."
- ****! - Shh, shh, shh.
- Don't shush me.
Now, just take out your money and fan it.
- Fan it.
You know how to fan money?
So I'm gonna just say "thank you."
No, fan it out.
Good. Now, give it to me.
Good.
That's all there is to it.
Here come the drug machine. Boop!
All right.
Just high-five and say drugs.
- [Both] Drugs!
- Unreal. Look at these clowns.
- Those two?
- Not them. Them.
- Go, go, go! - Drug deal!
(women screaming)
You're under arrest!
- Hands where I can see 'em, *****!
- I'll tell you one thing.
When the Unsullied make it to Westeros,
they're gonna annihilate them.
- Wait, wait, dude. Slow down.
- It's gonna be crazy.
- First of all, slow down.
Second of all, I'm not up to that yet.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah.
- I didn't know that.
- I will erase it from my...
- Lazow! Lazow!
I'm like, oops. You know what I'm saying?
Like for real...
- Jordan, right now,
but right now, you must listen
to how this white dude is talking to black people.
- Get outta my face with Tommy behind my ***.
I'm trying to make some beats, yo.
I'm a DJ!
- No. I put that *****
on my chain wax, son.
- ***** on the chain wax. - That's pathetic.
That's pathetic.
- What's up, girl?
- He's walking this way.
He's totally walking this way.
- I can't. I can't. I can't.
- Just go with it, dude.
Just go with it. - Hey! Hey.
How's it going?
Key and Peele right?
- Good.
- So stoked you guys are here.
Thanks for coming out.
You guys rock. Awesome.
- Yo, Kevin, let get some Red Vines!
(Key clears throat)
- Wanna get outta here? - Yep.
(upbeat music)