( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
>> AND NOW THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION OF THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT!, WITH MY FRIEND, MR. JON STEWART.
APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> APPLES.
>> Stephen: CORRECT ANSWER.
CAN'T PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN ORANGE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> UH, VERY LITTLE.
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, I MEAN, IF -- HERE'S
WHAT I WOULD SAY, AND I WOULD SAY THIS, ( BLEEP ) IS WHAT'S
HAPPENING WHEN YOU MOVE, BUT YOU DON'T, SO, CLEARLY, THERE'S
NOTHING GOING ON.
>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.
>> I'M NOT A FAVORITE MOVIE GUY.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY TAKING THE
QUESTIONERT.
>> OH, GOD -- FINDING NEMO?
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN ACTION MOVIE.
>> IT IS AN ACTION MOVIE.
I DON'T -- >> Stephen: YOU CAN GO WITH
FINDING NEMO.
>> DEFINE ACTION MOVIE BECAUSE --
>> Stephen: BY ACTION MOVIE, GENERALLY SPEAKING, SOMETHING
EXPLODES IN AN ACTION MOVIE OR SOMEONE FALLS FROM A GREAT
HEIGHT OR -- THERE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GUN PLAY, COULD BE
SWORDPLAY.
>> THE MOVIE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NOW SOUNDS VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SMELL?
>> THE BEACH.
>> Stephen: THE BEACH.
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.
>> SOME OF THE THINGS YOU FIND ON THE BEACH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: EXERCISE --
THAT'S, BY THE WAY, NEW JERSEY-BASED QUESTION.
>> Stephen: GOT IT.
THAT'S RESONATING WITH THIS CROWD.
>> THE LAUGHTER OF RECOGNITION.
>> Stephen: EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?
>> PLEASE...
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FLAT OR SPARKLING?
OH, FLAT.
WHAT?
FLAT.
( APPLAUSE ) WHAT SORT OF UNHOLY -- WHY WOULD
YOU EVER AERATE A BEVERAGE?
WHY WOULD YOU EVER CONDENSE BUBBLES -- OH, THIS IS DELICIOUS
AND VERY REFRESHING!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST, I DON'T KNOW, AERATE IT.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ELSE DO YOU AERATE YOU
CONSUME?
>> MARSHMALLOWS.
YOU'RATE MARSHMALLOWS?
>> Stephen: THEY'RE MOSTLY AIR, IT'S FOAM.
MIRANGUE IS MOSTLY AIR.
HAVE YOU EVER WHIPPED EGG WHITES, MY FRIEND?
>> SORRY, MISS JULIA CHILD, I HAVE NOT.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS GOING TO BE ON YOUR TEST.
HAVE YOU EVER MADE MIRANGUE?
I BET YOU DIDN'T HAVE TOM HANKS!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NEXT TIME, I WILL
ASK HANKS IF HE EVER MADE MIRANGUE.
>> FLAT WATER IS CORRECT.
>> Stephen: WELL, IT IS YOUR CHOICE.
>> FLAT WATER OR -- >> Stephen: OKAY.
WHO'S FOR FLAG?
( APPLAUSE ) WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, FLAT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SPARKLING
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
>> Stephen: YEAH.
IT'S NOT THAT IT'S MORE PEOPLE, IT'S ALL THAT EXCESS
AIR.
>> Stephen: COULD BE.
AND THEY INGEST IT AND WHEN THEY YELL AT IT IT COMES OUT.
>> Stephen: ONE QUESTION, YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO YOU
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT?
>> OH, DEAR GOD, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN -- THAT'S AN IMPOSSIBLE --
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
IT'S NOT ME.
IT'S THE LAB.
I WOULDN'T ASK YOU THIS BUT THEY SAY I HAVE TO.
>> THIS IS A TORTUROUS -- IT'S A QUESTION THAT CAN ONLY BRING
SADNESS.
>> Stephen: I ASKED RINGO AND HE SAID "COME TOGETHER."
>> OH, INTERESTING, ONE OF HIS OWN SONGS.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE SONG I WANT TO LISTEN TO IS THE MIRANGUE SONG, AND I JUST
WROTE IT AND IT GOES LIKE THIS --
♪ WHICH THOSE EGGIES, BABY ♪ ♪ .
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO AT LEAST GIVE ME AN ARTIST.
>> I MEAN, I'D GO SPRINGSTEEN.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SURPRISING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT.
THAT WAS OUT OF LEFT FIELD.
ANY PARTICULAR SPRINGSTEEN SONG?
>> I'M GOING TO GO "LOST IN THE FLOOD," YEAH, "DEEP CUT."
ISLAND OF OPEN DREAMS ," OR" LOST IN THE FLOOD ."
ROSALIETA.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> WHATEVER NUMBER IT IS, THE TIME THAT YOU ALL ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO STAY LATE TO EDIT THIS PIECE OF ( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: INFINITY, THEN, IS THE NUMBER YOU'RE THINKING OF.
( LAUGHTER ) DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS.
>> HOPEFULLY QUITE QUITE QUITE LONG.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: JON STEWART, YOU
ARE KNOWN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
JON STEWART, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪