Is your relationship in a rut? Are you thinking,
I don't even know how it got here.
How in the world are we going to get out of this? Hi, my name is Melody,
and I work with Marriage Helper.
And today I'm going to give you some tips that are going to help you get your
relationship out of the rut. Before I do that, though,
I want you to be sure that you stay tuned to the end of the video because I'm
going to give you a free resource that's going to help you with your
relationship today.
Okay. So how do you get your relationship out of the rut?
The very first thing, and sometimes the hardest thing to do,
is to get control of your emotions. I understand you've been hurt,
and things have been done that have caused you to be angry,
that have caused you to cry, maybe even caused you to cuss out your spouse.
And that's because you're in pain, and I understand that.
But nothing is going to change until you change that.
You have to get control of your emotions. You may ask me, well,
how do you do that? Well, pay attention to step two, which is work on your past.
Work on yourself, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. See,
when you have all that negative energy in you that you used to channel to
your spouse, it's got to go somewhere. So channel it into your past.
Take all that energy that you have been spending getting yourself into the rut
with your spouse,
and put it into PIES because that is going to bring about positive
results in you. It can also influence your spouse.
The next step would be to figure out what you contributed to the
breakdown in the relationship. You might be saying, hey, it's not me.
It's more them than me. And I get that. That may be true,
but everybody contributes to the breakdown in their relationship.
So you figure out what you've done, and began to change that. That
leads me to step four.
Step four is know that you cannot control your spouse. See,
a lot of times, when we begin to get control of our emotions,
and we begin to work on ourselves,
and we begin to identify the things we contributed to the breakdown in the
relationship, well, we want our spouses to do that then.
But lots of times, you're going to be met with resistance at first.
They may think that you think you're better than them or, oh,
now you want to change may be their response. You can't control that.
Accept that that's how they feel right now,
and you go back to what you know to do.
You can't control how they feel.
You can't control if they begin to work on themselves.
But when you begin to work on yourself,
you increase the chances of influencing your spouse to do the same thing. The
next step would be to manage your expectations. See,
when we begin to work on ourselves and be a positive
influence for our spouse and all of that,
and you might actually even see some positive results,
or your interactions might start becoming positive.
And so you get your hopes up, oh, we're getting out of the rut.
That may not necessarily be true. Remember, it's going to be up and down,
up and down, up and down.
You have to be sure that you keep your expectations low until you are clear that
your spouse also wants to engage in getting your relationship out of a rut.
The very last thing,
and it's one of the most important things, is to be consistent.
You want to be sure that you're consistent in getting control of your emotions,
working on yourself,
figuring out what you contributed to the breakdown in the relationship,
realizing that you cannot control your spouse,
and then managing your expectations.
All of those are going to be key pieces in your situation to help pull your
relationship out of that rut. At the beginning of the video,
I mentioned a free resource.
Reach out to our office today and schedule a marriage strategy call with one of
our CRs and they can help point you to all the resources we have that's going to
continue to help you get your relationship out of a rut.