- (FBE) Today we have an uncomfortably fun episode for you.
- "Uncomfortably fun."
Two words that I didn't think could go together.
- (FBE) We're gonna have you read through
10 different text message conversations
that are between people who used to be
in a relationship together, also known as Texts from the Ex.
- (chuckles) Okay.
- These are gonna be fun.
- Oh, so it's gonna be like awkward.
(sucks air) Yikes.
- Ohh, my gosh. These are the worst!
I'm expecting to see people very angry and pissed off
and trying to hurt the other person.
- Don't reach out to your ex. Please.
Like, the relationship ended for a reason.
It's probably good that you don't go back to it.
- "Are you ever gonna grow up and talk to me?"
Wow. That's like the first text? Dang.
- "Okay, what would you like to talk about?"
- "I'd rather talk to you in person."
Okay, this seems like a normal, you know, conversation.
- "Okay, I'll meet you in the Blockbust--"
People still go to Blockbuster?
- This is probably old. They don't have Blockbusters anymore.
- "Blockbusters isn't even a thing anymore." Yep, it's not.
- Oh, I kinda see where this is going.
"Exactly."
Ohhh! Clever.
- Daaaang. What?
Oh, that's so messed up!
- That one's pretty clever. It's not too mean either.
- He was the one being confronted,
and he made that up on the spot, you know? So kudos to him.
- That's probably like heartbreak number two
from the same person.
Like, dang. You don't even want to talk to me?
I felt that in my soul through the screen.
- "Crazy Ex." Well, problem number one: their name is Crazy Ex.
- "Congratulations on getting engaged, A-hole.
I'm never effing talking to you again!"
Well, if he's engaged,
I don't think you should talk to him in the first place.
He's taken.
- "So this means you're going to leave me alone?"
That's what he wants.
- "That's exactly what it means, [bleep]." Ouch.
All these cuss words.
- "Best present ever." Heh. Great.
- That's a pretty crazy ex, I would say. Good contact name.
- You shouldn't talk to someone that's engaged,
especially if that's your ex.
The person they're engaged to is gonna be like,
"Why are you talking to your ex while we're--
we're over here about to get married,
and you talking to some bum that you used to date."
- These people are grown adults.
They should act a little more mature.
Like, this guy's getting married.
Like, does he really need to worry about his ex?
If she didn't like him,
then why is she so concerned that he's getting married?
You know? Like, they need to grow up.
- "Yeah, I just wanted to say hi and ask if you want to hang out
when I get back to California."
- That sounds sweet. That just sounds very innocent.
- "Let's talk about all the things I could have done
in the past 10 months."
Oh, shit. This is gonna be like an essay.
- "Things I didn't do:
have a baby, get famous, eat 78 tacos, become a millionaire."
- "Move home, become a ballerina.
Things I did do: get over you. Bye, asshole."
Ohh.
- 'Eyyyy. Let's go. That's great.
- People, they're always like, "Yes, end him," or whatever.
But honestly, this is kinda like extra.
- If this person's replying like that,
then the ex must've done something really horrible, you know?
So yeah. If your ex wants to talk
and they did something horrible to you, no, [bleep] that.
Don't show them sympathy.
They didn't give you what you wanted,
so don't give them what they want.
- "Hi, babe." It already says "Ex" up there,
so they're already done with each other.
- "Don't talk to me."
- "I'm sorry I cheated on you." Oh, that's where I stop.
No. You shouldn't apol-- if you cheated, you cheated.
You're gone.
- "Give me another chance. Your eyes sparkle like the stars.
You have the most wonderful laugh,
and your beauty takes my breath away."
- Still not gonna give you another chance,
even though that was kinda nice.
- "You know, I actually thought you took my breath away,
but..." drum roll, please.
- "But what?"
- "But I just realized that I was
simply suffocating from your bullshit."
- Awesome. That is great.
If you cheated on somebody, assume that they're never ever ever
gonna try or talk to you again.
- That's good that they owned up to like,
"Yeah, I did cheat on you."
But that is the worst way to end any relationship with anyone.
Like, for me, that is like flat--
"I'm never giving you a second chance."
- How are you gonna apologize for cheating through text?
If you're gonna apologize for cheating,
I want you begging on your knees at my door.
I want to see the sweat and the tears on your face.
- "Hey, my friend changed all my contact names.
Can you tell me who you are?"
Not gonna go very well.
- "What does it say?"
Female dog.
- Ohh.
- "Oh wow. And by the way, it's Caroline, your ex."
- "Oh, I guess he didn't change this one."
(laughs heartily)
- I think he was just saying that purpose.
Whose friend changes contact names in someone else's phone?
Like, no one does that.
He was just saying that just to get a low blow at her.
That one was mean.
That's what I expect when people break up.
- This dude has big balls if he's going up to the girl
just to go attack her, you know?
Kind of an asshole, but you got balls, dude.
I would never do that, even if the ex did me dirty.
- I love this one. This is my favorite one by far.
- "I miss--" (heavy sigh) It's your funeral.
- "I miss you." Oh. Well, mm.
Okay, April 1st, first of all, right? I mean, I'm just saying.
- "I miss you too." Oh, gross.
- "I've been thinking about you a lot lately."
- "Haha, April Fools, [bleep] you."
- "Haha, April Fools, [bleep] you." I knew it.
- Oh, I didn't see the date.
Oh, dang.
He or she gave that other person false hope. Dang.
I feel bad for that person, low-key.
- If I was gonna do that as a joke
and I saw they said something nice back,
I don't know if I would continue with the joke.
'Cause that's kinda harsh.
You got their hopes up just to turn them down,
and you went after them. It's kind of a dick move.
- When it's April 1st, I don't expect things to happen.
I just expect everyone to live their normal lives.
So this is extra too.
- "Ex-girlfriend."
"Hey, can I come pick up my stuff later?"
- Oh. They burned their stuff.
- Oh. Oh, that's not cool.
- "What the [bleep]?" (chuckles)
Oh my god, ex-girlfriends are crazy.
- I don't know, that kinda looks like a fake picture.
It could be from the internet.
- I'd be so mad if I had a whole bunch of my stuff
over at his house, and he just burned it.
I'm like, "You're paying me back."
- What if that was my favorite shirt and I lent it to you?
Sending a mean text, you can get over.
But destroying your property,
that starts way more than it needs to, you know?
That's over the top.
- If you're a dude that just broke up with a girl
and she has like 10 of your hoodies,
say bye to your hoodies, bro.
Like, you're never seeing those hoodies again.
- "Do not text."
"Why are you watching so many cooking shows?"
- Don't judge people for watching cooking shows.
Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen is amazing.
- "Question mark, question mark, question mark."
- "I'm just concerned.
12 episodes of Worst Cooks of America over the weekend is a lot.
Are you okay?"
- "Get the eff off my Netflix." (laughs)
- "Get the [bleep] off my Net--" (cracking up)
- I don't care what the relationship was.
If we're done, you don't go on the Netflix.
- Every couple has each other's Netflix accounts,
so what do you do when you break up? Do you change your password?
- It's awkward if you're dating and sharing Netflix,
and then you break up.
You're not gonna be like, "Oh, I changed my Netflix password."
But it's also like, "Do I want them using my Netflix
if I'm paying for it?"
- That's a crazy ex right there.
How are you still on their Netflix,
counting how many episodes they watch?
Why? You're so stalker-y.
- "I miss you. I was wrong." Oh.
- All these start off the same.
Like, "I miss you. Let's hang out."
- "This is an auto-response.
The guy you're trying to reach spent three months
after your breakup praying to receive this text,
followed by three more months
accepting that it would never come."
- "The six months after that
were spent dating other girls to get over you, and it worked.
Your text is a year too late, and he blocked you."
(chuckles)
- Perfection.
- It hurts when you see that,
'cause you probably wanted to talk.
And then when you just get that
and they just never respond after that,
it's kinda like hurtful.
- All these people, I feel like
they're just avoiding their problems.
"I'm gonna be witty.
I'm gonna be one step above this person."
So it's like they came up with this really cool response.
And it's like, "Wow, I showed her."
That's so unnecessary.
- "I accidentally sent you a dick pic!"
Another way to not start a conversation.
- No one wants to see your pickle.
- "Don't open it!"
- "Saw it.
Still not impressive."
- "Still not impressive." (laughs)
- And the emoji. He just sends an emoji like he's sad.
- No, that's just-- no. That's a big no-no.
I don't think he should've done it.
- What if that's why they broke up, because he had a small peen?
- Aw. I feel bad for the guy. I don't know why.
Just, like, I feel like that's the worst thing
you can say to a guy.
- That's not an accidental dick pic.
he was trying to get her to get in her little feels
so she could be like, "Oh, okay, I want you back."
You know? But guy's just not packing it.
- These were very funny.
- It kinda gave me faith in humanity.
I thought it was gonna be a lot worse. It wasn't that bad.
- Don't text your ex. Why?
Unless, like, you guys ended on bad terms
and you want to make it good
or you guys both know you have feelings for each other.
Then that's fine, but don't just text him out of spite.
- I'm not angry, but I feel myself clenching.
'Cause it's like all these people are so stupid.
They just need to address their problems
and just talk it through.
Or if they don't want to, then just don't text the person back
or delete their numbers or whatever.
Like, they don't need to cause more drama.
- Dude, I want to be friends with all those savages.
'Cause those people are hella funny and hella smart.
I would've never thought of any of those.
- Thanks for watching this episode of React.
- Subscribe and hit the notification button
to be the first to watch all of our episodes.
- Bye, guys.
- Hey, everybody. Derek here, one of the React channel producers.
And those were some brutal text messages.
Uh, they get worse. Don't ask me how I know they get worse.
But they get worse.
♪ (upbeat theme music) ♪