I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE HERE USES THE INTERNET, BUT IF SO, YOU
MIGHT BE FAMILIAR WITH THE GROWING ONLINE POPULARITY OF
SOMETHING CALLED A.S.M.R., OR "AUTONOMOUS SENSORY MERIDIAN
RESPONSE," WHICH REFERS THE "TINGLING SENSATION IN YOUR
HEAD AND NECK" WHEN EXPOSED TO CERTAIN SOUNDS.
IT'S BASICALLY "EAR PORN."
BY THE WAY, DO NOT GOOGLE "EAR PORN."
YOUTUBERS RACK UP MILLIONS OF VIEWS POSTING VIDEOS OF
THEMSELVES MAKING SENSUOUS SOUNDS INTO A MICROPHONE,
STIMULATING THE A.S.M.R.
RESPONSE.
>> HI, GOOD EVENING.
>> Stephen: I WILL POINT OUT THAT LAST VIDEO HAS 107,000
VIEWS JUST SINCE OCTOBER!
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE SHORT ON CASH, MAYBE JUST GET OUT THERE
AND SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER.
YOU LIKE?
( APPLAUSE )
A GENRE KNOWN AS "A.S.M.R.
BOYFRIEND ROLEPLAY," LIKE BOYFRIEND TUCKS YOU IN AT NIGHT,
SWEET BEDTIME CUDDLE BOYFRIEND, AND EVEN A.S.M.R. VAMPIRE
BOYFRIEND HELPS YOU SLEEP.
THE VAMPIRE IS ACTUALLY WAY MORE RELAXING THAN A.S.M.R. ZOMBIE
BOYFRIEND.
YES, THERE'S A TINGLING SENSATION IN YOUR HEAD AND NECK,
BUT IT'S HIM GNAWING ON YOUR SPINAL CORD.
( LAUGHTER )
THINKING: "THOSE VIDEOS SOUND HORRIBLE.
PLEASE DON'T SHOW ME ANY."
TO THAT I SAY, "SORRY."
>> SHHHHHHHHHH.
QUIET NOW.
>> I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU.
YOU'RE MY RELAXATION AND RELIEF.
>> I NOTICED YOU GOT A NEW CANDLE.
PUMPKIN SPICE IS MY FAVORITE, SO YOU HAVE GREAT TASTE, HONESTLY.
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO BRUSH YOUR HEAD, YOUR HAIR, OR TO SIMPLY
MASSAGE YOUR BODY?
BODY.
( LAUGHTER )
ARE STILL WEAK, AND YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE UNHEALTHY FOR LONELY
PEOPLE TO WATCH THESE, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
ONE PSYCHOLOGIST HAS EXPRESSED HER "CONCERNS THAT WATCHING TOO
MUCH OF THIS KIND OF ROLE-PLAY MAY CAUSE AN UNREALISTIC AND
IDEALIZED PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT A PARTNER CAN OR SHOULD BE."
YEAH, HOW CAN A REAL BOYFRIEND LIVE UP TO THESE A.S.M.R. DUDES?
>> BODY.
BODY.
>> Stephen: MOST GUYS CAN ONLY SAY THE WORD "BODY" LIKE TWO OR
THREE TIMES IN A ROW.
OBVIOUSLY, VIEWERS ARE BEING DESENSITIZED TO WHAT REAL
RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE, WHICH IS WHERE MY WRITER DJANGO GOLD
COMES IN.
DJANGO VOLUNTEERED TO MAKE AN A.S.M.R. BOYFRIEND ROLEPLAY
VIDEO THAT ACCURATELY DEPICTS AVERAGE BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOR.
>> HEY, I HEAR YOU CAN'T GET TO SLEEP.
THAT'S MESSED UP.
MAN.
BY THE WAY, MY LEGS GOT DRY EARLIER, SO I USED SOME OF YOUR
LOTION, YOU KNOW, THE TINY LITTLE JAR WITH THE GOLD
LETTERING.
YEAH, IT ALL GOT USED UP.
( LAUGHTER )
SOOTHING SOUNDS FOR YOU?
( LAUGHTER )
OH, I NEED YOU TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT TO GET MY MOM FOR HER
BIRTHDAY.
SHE'S INTO, LIKE, CLOTH?
MMMM.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
( LAUGHTER )
THE COUCH ABOUT HER DAD ALL NIGHT?
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER.
BUT DON'T WORRY-- I FOUND SOME COFFEE FILTERS IN THE KITCHEN.
( LAUGHTER )
OH, BY THE WAY, I PUT YOUR BRAS IN THE DRYER.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
( LAUGHTER )
LADIES.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK