*high five* Top of the morning to you laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to Hitmen!
Hit-hitman, there's just one man
God, I fucked that up *laughs at mistake*
Welcome back to Hitman! A lot of people have been asking me when I was gonna play the next episode of it
after the Paris fashion show episode, and I really wanted to, but they didn't release any more episodes until now.
And I'm really looking forward to this "Stop blending in."
I was readin' the newspaper.
Apparently some dude... died or something
I dunno
A lot more dudes are GONNA DIE!
I don't know who I have to kill, or what the hell is going on,
but my guy is in there.
And this looks like a good old fashioned Hitman level
Just one location
You get in... there's multiple ways to get into it and go kill everybody so....
I don't know what I'm doing
Nice to see ya
Hi
This is Sapienza
I don't know where it is
It's probably in Italy or Rome or Greece or somewhere like that
*girl voice* "You can't be late for your first day!"
"You're not from around here, are ya?"
*normal voice* What are you doing?
I don't wanna subdue you, I just wanna listen to you
What are you talking about?
Can you keep talking?
I'mma just stand over here
Good lady...
*girl voice* "I'll get the blame"
Um...
Lady, can I close the door?
Lady
Could you move, please?
Come on! Oh God, almighty!
Ok i'm going up, I'm gonna kill this dude
You didn't see anything!
Close... There you- there you go!
I was supposed to close the door on the way out
She's a nice lady
She's got some manners
Man! I am looking handsome!
Look at these pecks! Look at that beautiful bald head!
I am looking- why do I need to kill people?
When I'm already the best looking man on the planet? That is overflow sink.
Oh ho ho...
That'll show that sink who's boss!
Kitchen assistant disguise
I don't even need to kill him
Niiiicccee!!
A real assassin gets in and out without any sort of trouble
Shhhh! That's how we do
Nice
Should I have killed him? Will he blow my cover after a while? I hope not...
How do I get down?
There we go
Nice
*voice of disgust* This is not kitchen attire!
Good God, I look like I'm going running!
You didn't see me! Shut up! Leave me alone!
Go away!
No! No! Stop chasing me!
Stop chasing me! Go away!
Noooo! Noooo!
Noo! Stop chasing ..
Crime noticed?!
I didn't even do a crime!
I took the guy's clothes
That's not a crime (It is.)
Oh c'mon fellas
"We got reports of a real trouble maker out there"
C'mo... Nooo! No.. no!
Nooo!
Everybody dies!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck you guys! Fuck you guys!
Aaaahh!!
Fuck it!
Aahah! (Cries In pain)
Let's try this again
Shall we?
I may have fourteen bullet holes in my leg
But that won't stop me from creating...
*kiss*
*italian accent* My piece de resistance
For my...
Cooking
I don't know! Hahaha!
Okay, I have to avoid that dude up there, because he knows who I am!
Nooo!
Noooo!
Look at the pants I'm wearing
This is not the attire a chef wears
Swipe keycard! Swipe keycard!
I got a keycard!
Swipe the fucking keycard quickly!
There we go!
I'm in!
Ooooh! I'm in!
*Spooky music*
Oh Imma make some BADASS onion rings while I'm in here!
Noooo! You're gonna know who I am as well!
Why does everyone know who I am??
The dude I'm supposed to kill doesn't even know who I am!
To-mah-toh sauce, ey'?
Cook Caruso spaghetti
Where is it?
Where dis 'Mater sauce that I'm supposed to be doin'?
Ooh Okay! (Chef- "Hey! Don't touch me!")
Hey, I have to touch you, to be a good chef!
You just go up and touch a persons face, and then you know how to cook food!
I need to get some poison.
I love how you guys are just keeping rat poison IN THE KITCHEN.
Like that's just, that's just what we do.
What kind of fuckin' chef attire do we wear here?!
You, not so bad. That's what a chef wears!
What I'm wearin? Not so much!
'Cook sauce as kitchen assistant.'
Why can't I poison sauce as kitchen assistant?
Just cook sauce HERE WE GO! AW BEST SAUCE EVER!
*kiss* *italian accent* Momma's Spaghetti! Tastes so good!
*italian accent* You know what tastes better with? Is some POISON in it!
*normal voice* Nobody's gonna know! Nobody sees ANYTHING!
D'You guys really not see that?
First of you have poison in the kitchen which is a terrafucking idea anyway.
But also you just watch me do it
Silvio, where you going thats not the way to my food!
Si-silvio?
*strange silence*
Wha- what do I do?
Is he sitting down? You don't see me mister man
He's-he is a bodyguard who knows who I am
Or knows that I'm a fraud..
Ohhh they're bringing the spaghetti to him. Nice!
This is gonna be good. This is gonna be good.
You're gonna watch him vomit up every sorta piece of flesh and bone that he has inside his stomach
He's gonna vomit so hard he'll be lucky if he has any bones left
There we go
Does it taste good?
*in a whisper* Put it down
I'm nervous. I'm nervous
I've never killed someone before
(Chef: Lunch is served)
(Sir, just stop sneaking around.)
I'm not- I'm not sneaking around. I'm fine.
Look- Oh look, I'm being a chef.
"You've been recorded by a security camera." Where?
Oh, motherfucker!
Sure is taking a while for that poison to kick in.
Really wish that guy were dead.
Don't mind me. I'm picking berries.
Like a good chef should- *gasp* He's dying!! Yes!
Are you gonna take a poop?
Are you gonna poop out all of your heart and organs?
I don't know what's supposed to do now-
Oh, there he goes! Oh vomit it all up!
Get it all up! Get all of Mamma's spaghetti out!
Also your lungs.
Cos I need you to die!
~Tiptoe by the window~
*whispers* You don't see anything!
Am I okay?
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, the dude didn't die!
He's still over there vomiting.
Do I have to go over and kill him?
Oh God, what am I doing?
"Romantic note."
I poisoned him and he's fine!
He's a fucking iron stomach!
Okay, I'm not supposed to be in here.
Anyone who sees me in here is going to kill me.
Or at least come up and tickle my bum.
I don't want that!
Wow!
It's so nice out here!
You know what?
When I'm done finished killing people,
I'mma get a place here.
Get a place here and relax, and hear the cries of my victims for years to come.
Also, that looks like a paper airplane up there.
It's just a straight-up paper airplane.
*whispers* Hey fella, hey fella
Oh yeah, oh yeah, subdue, SUBDUE
Ohh, good night
~Gimme you're clothes. Now you're naked~
~Lying next to a chef disguise~
Is there a place to hide you?
Aww, shit
Oh, there's people in here!
Don't go in there, don't go in there! No!
Fuck!
What do I do? Where do I put the body?
Oh, this had- this has bad news written all over it
Hello, good evening. Tonight on the nine o'clock news:
Bad news! All over for Hitman and Jack
Because they are a SUCK
Okay, I see a casket
I see a thing I can you put you in
Dude! You've been working out, bro?
You've got some sweet buns!
In you go, nighty-night, see you later
Hi
How are you?
Can I not just kill you, like real quick in here? (Lady: DNA Samples?)
Super quick. What's this? Oh, It's a letter opener
Should I just...?
Aaaahhh
No! No! Nuh!
I wanna stab him and then strangle her
(Lady: Do you mind? I am busy here)
I'M busy trying to figure out how to kill you
It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?
Could you stop staring at me?
I'm just staring out the window with my cold, lifeless, dead eyes
I have the key to unlock this
*key clicks*
It's not suspicious
You guys are suck
Shut up
'Kay, subdue, subdue.
Subdue real quick. Subdue real quick
Here we go, here we go
And then,
Kill fucking Tido Quente
YES!!!
Oh so good! It makes me feel good in my face!
Aw man! I think I have to snap your neck.
*snap*
Ooooohh! That was bad!
Ah, NOW I can put you in because you were un- you were unconscious before.
Nice!
Okay, one down, fifty to go.
"Turn on sound system."
*botton noises*
*church-y, choir music starts*
*to a beat* Boom ju che kah, the boom the boom!
Boom ju je keh! *starts laughing*
Aww, man I thought I could play some really like-
Heavy strong rap music.
That would've been awesome.
Maybe I could just walk on about my business.
Cause the dude I need to kill is down here.
I can stab him from up here-sies
Can I throw him from here?
Come on.
I'm a good shot. I'm a great fucking shot.
I should be able to throw this from here.
I should be able to jus- oh good ol' whoop!
Good ol' slicin' dice.
Come on! Get it to ranged!
Not gonna work.
Come on, man.
B-be be cool if you were.
Just gonna spruce myself up here.
Just turn on the water and it'll splash through the face.
We can do this, we can do this.
You are the best, Hitman.
YOU!
Yes, YOU.
DON'T be insecure.
You just gotta believe in yourself! You are the best, Hitman.
*sniff*
Believe in yourself! Believe in your own abilities, WE CAN DO THIS!
Are you guys gonna come in here?
Can I put the flash down the shaft?
All I wanna flash the shaft.
Here we go.
GOOO!
Bobcats.
*Explosion* OHH!
AWESOME!
That was sweet!
Destroy the virus? What virus!?
WHAT!? I thought I was done!
Kill the two people, go home, and have a whiskey.
Fack!
Are you a real person?
Do you move?
Or are you a fakey fake?
Hide. "Hide as plague doctor."
Well, that fucking worked pretty well, didn't it?
Oooooohh! Amputation knife!
Oh, awesome!
Can I walk around in this outfit?
Will people know who I am?
Is this the lab I need to be into?
What is going on?
All of 'em Anubis.
What have we got down here? Meth lab?
Can we go cook? I'm bald enough.
What is down there? This is a wine cellar.
This are not a lab.
Hi there, how's it going? Get out of my fucking way.
I bet there's a- Ooooh nice car!
Can I get in the car and go?
I wanna get in the car and go.
I've done my job, I've done my civic duty
I've done as much as I wanted to do.
Just kill two people and go.
I'mma go in here 'cos that guy know who I am.
Now you go chicky-check that while I-
AWHOOSHER!
Nice! Right in the back of his neck.
Come on, pick up my knife again.
Thank you.
This is all I needed.
I'mma drag you off this 'cos you're gonna melt.
Can I have your clothes?
"Already wearing disguise?" Nooo!
Oh, but those other guys won't know who I am now cos they didn't know who I was before.
Nice! In you go. Sleepy-sleepy.
On top of the styrofoam peanuts. There you go.
Hey fellas! Mind if I come into the lab?
(You're trespassing. Please turn around, sir.)
Oh.
Okay then.
Awww.
You have a outfit.
What's that? Oh it's a coin. Go and investigate.
(Huh.)
Yeah, you- (Whose turn is it to go and check out the weird stuff?)
You heard that, right?
(You, off you go.)
(Uh, yeah. Okay.)
What? (Someone's here!)
Uh, w-w-whoosh!
(What the?) You didn't see anything.
You didn't see anything.
Did you see that? Dude, did you see what just happened?
HAAAAAA-HA-HAHHH!
NO YOU DIDN'T!
DIIIIEEE!
Got him, I got him! Yeah!
Now I'm a lab technician.
Now I'm allowed in.
And just in case you wake up-
*snap*
Just lightly touch him on the face and you break his neck.
I'm taking my knife back, thank you very much.
That's my amputation knife.
It ain't just any old knife, it amputates things.
Now fellas, can we do this again? Okay.
Oh wait, wait wait wait wait, I think there was a keycard back here.
Fellas, hold on a sec.
There we go.
You don't want to go up to the fucking door and have them let you pass,
and then not have the keycard.
Guys, guys. Hi. How's it going? Can I go in?
Can I go in?
"Blah blah blah." Thank you!
(Sir, you're not authorized to be here)
Why am I not authorized to be here?
"Get frisked."
I don't wanna get frisky with you fuckers!
'Kay, we're gonna play a game.
It's called "Find the Coin."
You guys wanna play "Find the Coin"?
Don't BOTH come looking for it. I just need one
One is enough.
Oh! Hi, hi, hi. Now you're coming round the corner, don't ya?
(Sir.) What? (Please behave in an orderly fashion.)
I am being orderly!
You're the one who are not!
URGH!
Nice! Got him.
Did his friend see? Ahhh Ballsarooney!
*panicky muttering* Neuuuu- BAH!
OHHH!
OHHH Twisty nipples!
That's what I like to see. Everybody's dead.
All of an Anubis.
Ah, you got it right in your cheekhole.
Nobody sees anything.
Everybody's going to sleep.
Hitman should just be called Slumber Party Simulator.
Cos everybody's sleeping together in these little caskets.
Nice. In we go.
Now we have no problems.
Oooooohhhhhhhh!
*Dramatic music starts*
Okay!
Nice o- Is that it?
I think that's the quarantine unit.
Can I get in the plane and leave then?
I'm qualified, I can fly a plane. I'm pretty fucking good at it.
I think I'll need a security guard outfit though.
Because all the scientists are gonna know I'm a fake.
Cos scientists aren't bald.
Good to see ya, good to see ya.
GOOD TO CHOKE YA BITCH!
Now I'm allowed to carry around a shotgun and nobody's gonna care.
Yeah!
And if you do care, I'd have to let you meet the business end of it.
Nobody recognizes me down here!
This are awesome!
Oh fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! This is getting messy!
And I don't like messy!
He's not my favorite football player!
AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
What's this?
I'll get a hazmat suit.
Get a hazmat suit, I can go into the thing.
And then I can destroy the virus.
But this is gonna be hard.
Where the hell do we get a hazmat suit?
Can I go in here? Hi, how's it going?
"Swipe key card reader." Oh, somebody's spotting me.
This is hard!
So many fucking people around.
Okay. Let's go in here and see if there's anything.
Are guards allowed in here?
I think so. There we go.
Hey! Hey fella!
Move out of the fucking doorway!
Move!
Are you seriously just gonna fucking stand there and look at me?
What? What? There something on my face?
Thank you. Move along. Shut up.
'Kay, close this. 'Kay, that's gonna close on its own.
What do we got in here?
Glasses.
Asses.
"Destroy evidence."
Yes!
Now any cameras that I was on is gone!
Good God. Just melted my own face.
Don't mind me. Don't mind me.
Ummm...
Can I- Can I get into a hazmat suit?
There we go. I'm not suspicious any more.
"Hostile environment."Cool. I'm going in!
Somebody cover me!
Hey! What's up, Steve? How's it going?
Oh man.
I didn't want a shower today! Stop it!
I'mma blend in. Look.
Science, science, science, science.
I'm doing science!
Should this be beeping?
I'll turn off the ventilation system.
Everybody out!
RUUUNNN!
Are you dying?
Hey, that dude's dead!
Awesooooome!
How do I destroy this?
"Increase temperature."
There we go.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Can I get out?
Can I get out? I wanna leave. I wanna leave.
I think I'm doing good. I think I'm doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing.
If not, I'm gonna die.
Nobody touch my PlayStation!
50 degrees. 53, 55- This is good.
Yayy!
That destroyed it!
Tasty!
Can I- can a thing- Can the exit be the- the thingy? The plane?
I'd really like that.
Who's gonna notice me out here?
Ohh, so many people!
Never mind, never mind. Shush, shush, shush, I'm out. I'm outty. Peace out, bitches.
"Swipe key card." I gotta key card.
Salvation.
Salvation is plane!
Plane is salvation!
Um, "exit mission."
Ow! I punched my roof. Ow! Goddammit.
Yes! I escaped in a plane, I got into a hazmat suit, I poisoned a dude.
This is a good day!
"Mission Accomplished."
Feeling all good about myself now. *laughs*
Okay, well that was the Sapienza mission.
I don't know if there's much point doing these missions over and over again in videos,
because you can do them in different ways, but I feel like...
It's a similar outcome at the end of the day, you just finish the mission and move on, so
I'll probably do just one episode per mission.
But this is a fun one. I like this a lot more than the Paris one.
Because it was just a lot bigger, there was a lot more to do.
And it was really fun. I really like being Hitman. I'm the best at hitting men.
But anyway, Thank you guys so much for watching this episode!
If you liked it, PUNCH that Like button in the face, LIKE A BOSS!
And, high-fives all round! Wa-pish, wa-pish!
Thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes... IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
*outro music starts*
*in background video* What- what way could we combine all there of those things to make a deadly weapon of mass descrution
Tie the fiberwire around the coin, put it in the gun, shoot it
Decapitates everyone
That's clever, I like - more ideas like that please
Dude, I are the best at hitting men.
You see how I hit that one guy? It was like BAM!
And then he went down!
So good.