Hi I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach all about parenting
and relationships communication and self-government and there is
a question that gets asked to me periodically and that is, how can I help my child with ADHD?
So as a parent of four children and previous foster parent of many troubled teens and a
person who's now been teaching parenting all over the world for many years. There is something that
I can tell is very common a lot more common than many people like to think it is and that is ADHD.
Nearly all of the foster children that came to my home between the ages of 12 and 18 had ADHD
as one of the things on their chart that they were working through and that was something that I was
supposed to help them with treatment with and so, I'm going to talk to you in this video about
what I did to help those children and what you can do to help the children that you know with ADHD too.
It's super important to understand what's going on inside a person's mind that has ADHD
and if you haven't been there you don't really know. But after lots of years of
talking to people about what was really happening. What they were really thinking the anxieties
that they were having. The worries and the feelings. I know that what's happening inside their brains
is sometimes pretty hard to handle. So many of my foster children would say to me things like, "I just
can't focus", "I try but I just can't", or they would say, "I feel so numb. I don't like feeling like this."
There were many things that they were dealing with that made them feel like they were broken
and so there really isn't much point in bringing up again and again that they have ADHD. What they
really need are things that they can do to make it feel like they're taking control of their lives.
Because we can all take steps towards skill development and changing our mindset. Deliberately
making choices with our thoughts and actions that can empower us and make our lives very different.
The best types of skills to teach a person who has ADHD or really for
anyone that for that matter. Are skills that are predictable and skills that decrease anxiety.
So children always have a certain amount of anxiety anyway. Just because they're little and they're
learning and they make mistakes and everybody seems bigger than them and stuff like that.
But children with ADHD oftentimes have higher levels of anxiety. Because they are struggling to
maintain a focus with what's going on around them. They also have a tendency to be over
stimulated by their environment and when they get overstimulated that also increases their
anxiety. So anything that you use to help a child with ADHD needs to be predictable
and decrease anxiety while also increasing their personal empowerment. The skills that I'm going
to be sharing with you on this video will be skills that you can use for any child but are
especially beneficial for children with ADHD. Your child with ADHD will really benefit from learning
four basic skills. These children's books each teach one of the four basic skills. They teach
following instructions, accepting no answers and criticism, accepting consequences, and disagreeing
appropriately. When a person learns the skill sets for these four basic skills it decreases
their anxiety. Because they know exactly what to do next and when they make a mistake they know
how to fix it. In fact, if there was one thing that the foster children that came to my home
struggled with at the beginning was anxiousness not knowing how to fix their problems. But once
they really mastered the four basic skills and then I would do a correction they would be able
to easily see where they made a mistake and what piece needed to be fixed in that skill set. So that
next time they wouldn't make the same mistake again. Predictability a nice easy simple thought
process to go through skills that they can hold on to to use as a guide and increased confidence
when the corrections come because they already know the answer to fixing their problem before
the correction even happens. We're going to talk more about these four basic skills and how you can
use them. But before we do that, leave me a comment below and let me know what types of behaviors are
happening at your house because of the ADHD and I'll take some time to look at those and see if I
can give you some personal advice. So let's talk about these four basic skills. The basic one of
all four of those four basic skills is following instructions. Now that one presents a little bit
of a problem for a person with ADHD. Especially if that person is really struggling to focus.
To follow instructions, you look at the person keep a calm face voice and body, say "okay" or ask to
disagree appropriately do the task immeddiately, and then check back. Check back is the last step,
that's the hardest step for a person with ADHD to get to. So I teach the children those five steps to
following instructions and then remind them that they have to get to the check back. Even if they
do all of the other four steps they will still be corrected if they don't get to the check back.
So they have to think, "Get to the check back...", again and
again in order to stay focused. When they get to the check back then I praise them. So, they
need to know that they did well. Oftentimes a person with ADHD because they're corrected
so often they get pretty down on themselves. Because they lose focus repeatedly so corrections
have to be done consistently. So it's also vital that you consistently praise when things go right.
If you teach them to get all the way to that check back. To come to you and say, "Mom, I took out the
garbage and I replaced the garbage liner. Is there anything else?". Then that gives you the opportunity
many times throughout the day to praise the child. For a child to learn self-government they need to
be praised 6 to 10 times for every one time that you correct them that's important and it's
also important for just their overall morale. So following instructions is going to be a big
skill for your child with ADHD. In fact, if any of your children whether they have ADHD or not
refuses to follow an instruction, you actually can't parent them. That is the baseline skill that
establishes the roles between parent and child. When you correct your child with ADHD you've
got to have patience and I know that's easier said than done, but it's important. So they need
consistent correction but they also need calm and loving correction. Your tone makes a big difference
in all those corrections that you give your child. In fact, in all of your discussions that you have
with your child with ADHD it should be done with a tone of understanding. They're dealing with a lot.
They have more worries than you do, recognize that. Let them talk about some of those things with you
and help them make plans for their future. So, when your children need to be corrected
or when you need to have a discussion make sure you tell yourself to take the time
that's needed. To discuss whatever it is and be sure to repeat back some of the statements
that they say to you so they know you're really understanding. Also, make sure you don't take any
of their statements personally. Because sometimes their processing might be a little bit different
than you are processing the same situation. But still, you need to do corrections. So even
though you're calm, and loving, compassionate, and patient, you still need to make sure that you do
consistent corrections for them. Because they have to train themselves just like everybody else does.
So, it is loving to correct our children and a child with ADHD does need to have consistent
correction. There are many parents who mistakenly assume that because their child has ADHD
that they shouldn't correct as many of their mistakes and their troubling behaviors.
But that is not a service to them. In fact, then they never learn to control themselves.
You need to lovingly help them learn to accept your corrections and even learn how to correct
themselves. When a person is truly self-governed they give themselves instructions and no answers
corrections and they have good appropriate disagreements, sometimes even with themselves.
Self-government is achievable for a person with ADHD. I've seen it many times and I know that
your child can learn principles and skills of self-government too. One of the things you can
do to help your children succeed with dealing with ADHD is recognize when they trap themselves. There
is a class that I've created here on youtube for anyone who wants to see it called, the expectation
trap versus the cycle for success. I highly recommend that you go and watch that video now.
So that you can help yourself and your children avoid expectation traps that might be getting in
the way from those happy days that you all want so much. Click on the link now and we'll see you there.