>> James: WE LOVE IT, I'M IN A GOOD ZONE.
NOT GOING TO LIE, GUYS, YOU CAUGHT ME ON A GOOD ONE.
>> YOU'RE COOKING. >> I'M ABSOLUTELY COOKING.
>> HELL YEAH. >> DAVE KNOWS I'M COOKING.
>> I THINK WE'RE ALL COOKING, JAMES.
>> KNOW WHY WE ARE COOKING? ZACH WOOD SONS THE SHOW AND WE
LOVE TESTIFY REE TIME, EVERY TIME HE STOPS BY.
HIM, JIMMY, GREG, GREAT SHOW, WE HAVE NO TIME TO CHAT BECAUSE ST
THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
(MUSIC) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
SNOATS EVERY SINCE EL DAY'S THE NEWS.
♪ YES, THE NEWS. ♪ CHEESIER.
♪. >> EVERY SINGLE DAY ASK THE
NEWS. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: STEVE, I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE
YOU. >> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
>> James: I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU.
>> I LOVE YOU. >> James: BUT WE DO HAVE TO DO
THE NEWS. AND
>> James: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?
IT'S WHAT WE PROFESSIONALS CALLING A SEGUE.
AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS. THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE HAS
NOW CHARGED FIVE I.R.S. EMPLOYEES WITH STEALING $1
MILLION IN TAXPAYER MONEY FROM COVID-RELIEF PROGRAMS.
AND THEY USED THE MONEY TO BUY CARS, LUXURY GOODS, AND TRIPS TO
LAS VEGAS. OFFICIALS BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN
THE I.R.S. EMPLOYEES SUDDENLY STARTED ENJOYING THEIR JOBS.
THE MONEY WENT TO THINGS LIKE JEWELRY, GUCCI CLOTHING,
MANICURES, TRIPS TO LAS VEGAS, AND A MERCEDES BENZ.
AND THE REST OF THE MONEY? THEY JUST WASTED.
WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS BUY SUCH COMICALLY LUXURIOUS THINGS AFTER
THEY STEAL MONEY? RECENT DO YOU THINK YEAH, MY
BOSS SUSPECT GOING NOTICE WHEN I START SHOWING UP TO WORK IN A
BENZ AND THESE GUCCI LOAFERS! I'LL JUST SAY THEY'RE FAKE!"
IF YOU STEAL $1 MILLION FROM YOUR WORKPLACE-- AND I'M SURE
YOU HAVE-- WHAT SHOULD YOU SPEND IT ON?
>> BEANIE BABIES. >> James: GO ON.
>> THEY'RE COMING BACK. THEY'RE COMING BACK.
I THINK THEY HIT A LOW. >> James: YOU ARE LOOKING AT
THEM LIKE STOCKS. >> I THINK WE ARE BUYING BEANIE
BAOBABBEES ON THE LOW AND A HUGE BOWJ BARK.
>> James: WHAT DO THEY COST. >> ANYWHERE FROM 99 CENTS AND
$20,000, STILL IN CIRCULATION, WE ARE BUYING THE PENNY.
>> James: YOU LIKE A DOLLAR A BEANIE BABY AND YOU CAN SELL
THOSE IN FIVE YEARS TIME. >> IT IS ABOUT TO GET MORE COZY
OUT. THERE AND YEAH, I THINK I JUST
MICROTRADE BEANIE BAB EYES. THEY DON'T RETIRE, THEY COULD
COME SEE ME ON A BOATS. >> James: I WILL BE THERE,
THAT'S IT PETE WHAT WOULD YOU SPEND A MILLION BUCKS ON.
>> IF I STEEL A MILLION BUCKSES FROM MY BOSS.
>> James: UH-HUH. >> I WOULD KEEP IT SUBTLE LIKE A
WHOLE SEARS OF NICE HAWAIIAN SHIRTS.
AND, WE THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING.
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, SCREEN TIME COULD ACTUALLY BE
GOOD FOR A YOUNG BRAIN. SCIENTISTS SAY WATCHING
TELEVISION WITH YOUR CHILD CAN BOOST THEIR COGNITIVE
DEVELOPMENT. SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
GO WAKE THE KIDS UP! GET THEM OUT HERE!
GET THEM WATCHING THIS. WATCHING TV CAN HELP YOUR
CHILD'S BRAIN DEVELOP. IT'S TRUE.
JUST ONE HOUR OF TELEVISION TEACHES THEM ABOUT 30 DIFFERENT
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS. THEY STILL SAY THAT SOLO
SCREEN-TIME IS HARMFUL, BUT WATCHING TV WITH A PARENT AND
USING IT AS A TOOL IS BENEFICIAL.
SO GO AHEAD, WATCH "YELLOWSTONE" WITH YOUR KIDS.
THEN, FINALLY TALK TO THEM ABOUT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO KILL A MAN
WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. OWE MOVEK ON.
AND, A BRAZILIAN COUPLE IS UNDER FIRE AFTER THEIR GENDER
REVEAL STUNT WENT VIRAL, FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.
AS PART OF THE REVEAL, THEY DYED A WATERFALL BLUE.
AND THEY ARE NOW BEING INVESTIGATED FOR AN
ENVIRONMENTAL CRIME. LOOK AT THAT.
IT LOOKS LIKE A DELETED SCENE FROM "AVATAR."
THE MOST SHOCKING PART ABOUT THIS STORY IS THAT IT WAS NOT IN
AMERICA. THE STUNT TRIGGERED OUTRAGE,
BECAUSE THE RIVER SUPPLIES WATER TO A NEARBY TOWN.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT THAT CHILD WILL GROW UP KNOWING HIS
PARENTS LOVED HIM ENOUGH TO POISON AN ENTIRE VILLAGE.
NOW GENDER REVEALS, WHEN DOES IT STOP, HOW MANY TRAGEDIES HAVE TO
HAPPEN FOR PEOPLE TO JUST GO, LET'S JUST STOP DOING THIS?
>> DO YOU THINK WE STOP DOING STUFF IN THIS COUNTRY WHEN A
TRAGEDY HAPPENS? >> I THINK, I THINK WE HAVE TO
STOP LETTING PATIENTSES DO IT I THINK WE LET, WHEN THE KID, WHEN
THEY GROW UP AND THIS WORKS WITH GENDER FLUIDITY, WHEN THEY
DECIDE WHAT GENDER THEY WANT TO PRESENT AS, WE LET THE KID DO
THEIR OWN GENDER REVEAL. >> James: I LIKE THAT.
I LIKE THAT. IMAGINE TURNING UP THERE.
TO THAT GENDER REVEAL PARTY. I WOULD BE LIKE [BLEEP], YOU
IDIOT. THEY GO WE'RE HAVING A BABY,
WELL CLEARLY, YOU [BLEEP] SHOULDN'T HAVE ONE.
AND, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? A JEWELRY COMPANY IS NOW SELLING
THE WORLD'S FIRST "PUMPKIN SPICE ENGAGEMENT RING."
THE RING BOX COMES WITH A PUMPKIN CLOSURE LATCH, AND
SMELLS LIKE PUMPKIN SPICE WHEN OPENED.
THE PRICE? $11,300.
HERE IT IS HERE. LOOK AT THAT.
"AND DO YOU, EDWARD, TAKE MELISSA AS YOUR LAWFULLY
BASIC BITCH?" A PUMPKIN SPICE ENGAGEMENT RING
FOR MORE THAN $11,000. YOU JUST KNOW THE MARKETING
PERSON WAS LIKE, "IF SOMEONE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO PAY $5,000 FOR
THIS, THEY'LL BE STUPID ENOUGH TO PAY $11,000 FOR THIS."
AND, THIS IS NICE, THE PUMPKIN SPICE RING EVEN COMES
PRE-ENGRAVED TO READ, "SO, SHE SAID NO."
AND FINALLY, SCIENTISTS HAVE NOW CREATED A NEW MOBILE GAME
THAT CAN SAVE YOUR EYESIGHT. IT'S TRUE.
THE GAME "METEOR BLASTER" ACTUALLY TESTS YOUR EYES FOR
SYMPTOMS OF GLAUCOMA WHILE YOU PLAY IT.
AND YOU KNOW THE VIDEO GAME IS FUN, BECAUSE IT WAS CREATED BY
GLAUCOMA RESEARCHERS. THE GOAL IS TO SHOOT METEORS.
IF YOU GET A BAD SCORE, THEN IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.
THAT IS WHAT YOU DO, I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS IS GOING,
WHERE DOES IT TENGD. MS. PAC MAN TELLING ME I SHOULD
SEE A THERAPIST? BUT SCIENTIFIC VIDEO GAMES ARE
NOTHING NEW. I BREATHE A LOT EASIER EVERY
SPRING THANKS TO "CALL OF DUTY: SEASONAL ALLERGIES."
AND THAT'S THE NEWS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"LATE LATE SHOW!" (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)