-Woohoo.
FELICIA DAY: Welcome.
It's another poignant, life-saving episode of
"Felicia's Ark." That's weird.
Hello, all.
I am the girl the boat is named after--
Felicia, obviously.
Actually, here's a fun fact for you-- did you know that
the word ark is actually Latin for the word box?
I'm guessing Noah's Ark was not very hydrodynamic.
But it does sound better than the literal word
box, doesn't it?
Welcome to Felicia's--
I'm not going there.
So today, we're going to be looking at one of the great
classic video game species-- the frog.
But as always, let's find out first who the survivor is from
last week's episode.
And the winner is--
OK, you guys, you all really wanted Epona, so
I'm making an exception.
She's on the Ark.
Sorry, zombie horses.
Oh yeah, no chocobos.
Giant chicken monsters freak me out.
Sorry.
All right, let's dive into frogs.
First is "Frogger," the classic suicidal frog
constantly obliterated every time he attempts
to reach this goal.
Actually, you know what?
That's low-hanging fruit.
We are above that.
Cut.
Someone's fired, anybody.
We're just going to take him off the list and reset.
First is the frog from "Zuma." The first thing that came to
my mind when I was blasting balls in this game was, whoa,
this would make a fricking awesome gun turret.
I mean, really, all we have to do is install some kind of
rotating plane and sit on him.
Not that I anticipate taking a lot of fire on the Ark, but
it's always good to be prepared, man.
And look how OCD he is.
I mean, everything has to match the colors.
I love that about him.
He could definitely come in handy, but then it could be
insanely annoying because it's my ship, and I have OCD, and I
want to do it one way, and he'd do it the other.
And it'd be like, fight, fight.
Plus, would you like to wake up to that face?
Are you kidding?
[BLEEP]
freaky.
Our second choice is Frog from "Chrono Trigger." The list of
advantages of having this guy on your team is huge.
He is a knight, hot, so saving him means
saving frogs and chivalry.
Usually a frog is some kind of sappy prince who is waiting
for a princess desperate enough to put their lips on an
amphibian--
desperate.
But does this guy look like some kind of weeny
frog prince to you?
Is he sitting around waiting?
No, hells to the bells, no.
Frog straps on his sword.
He doubles down on the quest.
And this is the kind of frog you want to help
you rebuild a world.
Possible downsides--
you know what, I actually don't even know if there's a
downside to this guy.
He's cool as hell every time he's in the party.
The only possible, you know, picky, really, superficial
"Seinfeld" thing I could think of, it's a stretch, but--
just look at the size of his left arm.
I mean, just look at it.
Holy crap.
What is he doing with that thing?
It's the size of his whole body.
It's bigger.
Like, his other arm isn't that big.
Does it have something to do to with the sword?
Let's not go there.
Next up, we--
oh god.
OK, did you really just show that?
OK.
If there was any question as to whether or not I am someone
who's about second chances, let the record show that I can
be merciful.
Yes, I've listed "Battletoads." It's a cool
game, but this game sent me into such a rage phase that I
almost ripped the cartridge out and ate it on camera.
In the Flog, click to watch it.
It's not pretty.
But we're cool now.
So let's take a deep breath and look at this objectively.
What's great about having a battletoad on board?
Personal bodyguard, check.
The ability to use a variety of tools, training with ropes,
high speed vehicles, check.
Every good ship needs a rescue jet ski in case someone goes
overboard, right?
So what would the downsides be to having one of these
muscle-bound amphibians on board.
Well, for starters--
they suck.
I'm sorry.
I can't get over it.
I lied.
I was trying.
I lied.
I actually lied about getting over it.
I lied about everything.
They can use tools, but they still get their asses kicked.
They can use ropes, but they still fall to their death.
They use that stupid, irritating, idiotic,
impossible jet ski thing, and I [BLEEP]
want to kill them every time I see them.
And they still crash.
I [BLEEP]
hate them.
[BLEEP].
You the viewers.
I gave you the tools.
But if you vote for them, I will you hunt you
down and kill you.
Slippy from "StarFox" is next on our list.
I'm calm now.
Who doesn't love Slippy?
Yeah, he's a little bit of a worrywart-- haha, pun--
but he's loyal, he's skilled, and he's daring.
Plus, when you pause to consider the difficulties of
navigating an R-wing in lightning-fast space combat,
you've got to give Slips some credit.
This dude knows how to think on his webbed toes.
Ha, another pun, stop it.
Yeah, I know StarFox is on the rails.
But that's beside the point.
Slippy is an ace.
And if I was a starfighter pilot, and Starbuck or Wedge
weren't available, Slippy would be like,
like, my fourth choice.
Unfortunately, navigating an R-wing isn't the same as
navigating an ark.
And chances would be that Slippy wouldn't be prepared
for the harsh life of the ocean.
He's a delicate flower.
The modern conveniences of his advanced society might make
the transition to grizzled sailor a bit jarring.
Slippy's also prone to freaking out.
High maintenance is the last thing we want on the Ark.
So GTFO, Slippy.
Or you can vote for him, whatever.
Next is the annoying thing from "Crazy Frog Racer." I was
actually not prepared for how much fun this game is.
OK, let's all be honest-- he barely looks like a frog.
There's something really [BLEEP]
with his face.
I'm assuming he is one because he's obviously nuts, and he's
kind of the best character in the game.
We all love frogs, so just go with it.
A huge plus working for The Annoying Thing--
it's a three-word name, yes--
is the fact that he's impervious.
He's launching off ramps at like 200 miles per hour.
Sea voyages are not safe.
And the world that waits for us afterwards is not going to
be any safer.
So the whole fearless, almost immortal thing really
works in his favor.
But really, let's go back to the initial question--
is he a frog?
And don't forget that there is a huge downside to this guy.
His name is The Annoying Thing.
He embodies it.
It took all of five seconds for me to want to punch him in
the face after hearing that stupid remix--
horrible, horrible remix-- that made me want to dance.
Also, I don't like that you can see his butt.
Maybe you guys don't care.
But you're not going to be in the boat with this guy.
Cover it up, man.
Last, we bring it home with someone who
is dear to my heart--
Scout Many Marshes, my husband in "Skyrim." Shut up, you
species-ist.
He's an amphibian.
And that is close enough to a frog.
And you can not expect me to leave him behind.
He is sweet.
He's filled with unconditional love.
And he just hands me money when I ask for it.
He keeps my place clean.
He doesn't get clingy when I've been away, adventuring
for weeks at a time.
Most importantly, when I tell him to get in that damn
kitchen and make me a sandwich, he goes a step
further, and he cooks me a full meal that enhances my
experience point gain.
The man who knows me.
The only downside to Scout is what happens to me if Scout
doesn't get on the Ark.
OK, so this show is really about you guys choosing.
You gotta make the call.
But take a moment.
I've never used my sad face before choosing this week.
This is my sad face.
This.
Vote for him.
So there you go.
Scout Many Marshes and the other trash.
You make the call.
And don't forget to cast your vote in the comments on who
will be allowed that coveted space on board Felicia's Ark.
Voting also enters you into that thing
that we talked about.
Now I'm gonna get-- ha!
Ah!
What the-- really?
What the [BLEEP]
is this thing?
See you guys next time.
Please subscribe to Geek and Sundry to keep us going.
Bye.
Come here.
See this intern?
You're never going to see him again.
You're fired.
And I'm going to kill you.