AS A VOTER I'M SAD TO LOSE JOE BIDEN BUT I CAN UNDERSTAND.
BEING A CANDIDATE SUCKS.
IT'S AN UGLY, NASTY BATTLE WITH A SINGLE BLOODY SURVIVOR.
IT'S LIKE THE HUNGER GAMES.
NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
IT'S THE HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES!
(APPLAUSE) YEAH, YES!
YES!
YES, WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES.
TRIBUTES, ASSEMBLE.
YES.
OH, LOOK AT THEM, LOOK AT THE CROP, SO HOPEFUL AND FRESH
FACED.
WELL, HOPEFUL.
CHILDREN, LET THIS BE A CAUTIONARY TALE.
MOISTURIZE.
AT FIRST BLUSH THIS LOOKS LIKE A BOUNTIFUL CROP HEADED TO THE
CAPITOL BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY ALL THE
REPUBLICANS.
EVEN DONALD TRUMP COULDN'T COMB OVER A BALD SPOT THAT BIG.
HA HA!
BY THE WAY, DONALD, AS A FRIEND, THAT GOLDEN WIG IS A BIT OVER
THE TOP.
TONE IT DOWN.
AND JUST LAST WEEK THE DEMOCRATS BALD PATCH GOT EVEN PATCHIER.
>> FORMER VIRGINIA SENATOR JIM WEBB ANNOUNCING HE IS DROPPING
OUT OF THE RACE.
>> I AM WITHDRAWING FOR MANY-- FROM ANY CONSIDERATION OF
BEING THE DEMG KRATTIC PARTY'S NOMINEE FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
>> Stephen: YES, JIM WEBB IS WITHDRAWING FROM CONSIDERATION.
I'M SURE THAT WILL COME AS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIS SUPPORTER.
(LAUGHTER) SO SAD, SO SAD.
HA HA, YEAH!
HA HA.
OF COURSE AS A FORMER MEMBER OF THE REAGAN ADMINISTRATION, WEBB
REALIZED THAT HE WAS A TOUGH SELL TO DISTRICT DEMOCRAT.
>> I FULLY ACCEPT THAT MY VIEWS ON MANY ISSUES ARE NOT
COMPATIBLE WITH THE PO-- POWER STRUCTURE AND THE NOMINATING
BASE OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>> Stephen: YES, THERE ARE MANY ISSUES WHERE THEY'RE NOT
COMPATIBLE LIKE GUNS, THE BUDGET AND SHOULD JIM WEBB BE
PRESIDENT?
NO, I THINK NOT.
AND NOW THE GOOD SENATOR CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY
COMPLAINING THAT THEY GOT MORE TIME TO SPEAK THAN HE DID.
SO FAIRWELL TRIBUTE WEBB.
I SAY WE HARDLY KNEW YEE.
BUT HARDLY IS TOO GENEROUS A TERM.
SINCE YOU WERE POLLING IN IOWA AND NEW HAMPSHIRE AT 0 PERCENT.
GOOSE EGG.
JUST PROVING THE OLD SAYING, IF A TREE FALLS IN THE WOODS AND NO
ONE IS AROUND TO HEAR IT, IT WOULD STILL GET MORE VOTES THAN
JIM WEBB.
HA HA.
YEAH!
(APPLAUSE) SO TRIBUTE WEBB HAS GONE TO THE
VALLEY OF THE ANCESTORS.
UNLESS THIS DELIGHTFUL TALKING CINDERBLOCK SHOW MAKES A
STUNNING COMEBACK.
>> I'M NOT GOING AWAY.
I'M THINKING ABOUT ALL MY OPTIONS.
>> Stephen: YES, PLEASE, THINK THROUGH ALL OF YOUR OPTIONS.
(LAUGHTER) ESPECIALLY THAT GOING AWAY ONE.
IT FEELS RIGHT.
IT'S TASTY.
AND THE DEMOCRATIC DRAMA CONTINUED.
FOR JIM WEBB WASN'T THE ONLY FORMER REPUBLICAN TO DROP OUT OF
THE POWER GAMES.
>> DEMOCRAT LINCOLN CHAFEE ENDED HIS CAMPAIGN TODAY.
>> NOW AS YOU MAY KNOW I HAVE BEEN CAMPAIGNING ON A PLATFORM
OF PROSPERITY THROUGH PEACE.
>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, WE DID NOT KNOW THAT YOU WERE
CAMPAIGNING AT ALL.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: OH, OH.
BUT DO CONTINUE, BRAVE TRIBUTE.
>> BUT AFTER MUCH THOUGHT I HAVE DECIDED TO END MY CAMPAIGN FOR
THE PRESIDENT TODAY.
>> Stephen: SUCH A SHAME.
THIS LINCOLN HAD ALL THE CHAR IS MA OF THE LOGS HE WAS NAMED FOR.
LET'S LOOK BACK UPON TRIBUTE CHAIFERREE'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE
ARENA.
ACCORDING TO THE GAME MAKE ESCHS AT 538.COM GOVERNOR CHAFEE POLL
NUMBERS FROM A ROLLER-COASTER RIDE ROCKETING ANYWHERE FROM 0%
UP TO THE DIZZEING HEIGHTS OF JUST OVER .6%.
.6%.
YES.
MEANING AT PEAK CHAFEE OUT OF 100 PEOPLE, HE HAD THE SUPPORT
OF ONE GUY FROM THE WAIST UP.
OH, HA, HA, HA.
A.
OH.
NO.
HE HAD SUCH PROMISE WHEN HE OFFERED HIMSELF AS A TRIBUTE
BACK IN JUNE.
HIS FIRST WORDS OF HIS ACTUAL PRESIDENTIAL ANNOUNCEMENT SENT A
CLEAR MESSAGE.
I AM THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO KNOWS THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD
FARRIER.
>> A FARRIER PUTS SHOES ON HORSES.
>> Stephen: YES.
SO TRUE.
YEAH.
SO TRUE, A FARRIER PUTS SHOES ON HORSES.
AND THAT IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF A BOLD JOBS PLAN FOR THE
NINETEENTH CENTURY.
I WAS SURE HE WAS GOING TO GET THE VOTE OF EVERY SCRIVENER,
COOPER, MILL NR AND WAINWRIGHT AND YET EVEN WITH ALL OF
CHAFEE'S KNOWLEDGE OF EQUINE COBBLING, IRONICALLY HE WAS
ILL-EQUIPPED FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL HORSE RACE.
HA HA.
WHICH IS TRAGIC.
BECAUSE HE WAS THE CANDIDATE WILLING TO BOLDLY EMBRACE
INTERNATIONALISM.
>> HERE'S A BOLD EMBRACE OF INTERNATIONALISM.
LET'S JOIN THE REST OF THE WORLD AND GO METRIC.
>> Stephen: YES!
HA SLAMG A STIRRING CAMPAIGN SLOGAN, GO METRIC.
UNFORTUNATELY, AMERICAN VOTERS DIDN'T GIVE 2.5 MILLI [BLEEP]
HA, HA, HA.
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
BEEP.
MILLI-BEEP.
OF COURSE EVEN WITH THIS WEEK'S BLOODBATH AT THE CORNUCOPIA YA,
OUR GAMES CONTINUE.
BUT BEFORE THEY DO, WE RAISE OUR CANONS TO HONOR THOSE.
>> HOLD ON A SECOND, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: STANLEY TUCCI!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) STANLEY.
>> STEFER EN.
>> Stephen: STANLEY.
>> PLEASE, STEPHEN, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: STANLEY TUCCI.
OH!
STANLEY.
STANLEY, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE ON MY SHOW TONIGHT.
>> I'M NOT.
I'M NOT.
I WAS JUST WALKING DOWN BROADWAY-- .
>> Stephen: OLD BROADWAY.
>> THE GREAT WHITE WAY AND I-- MY TUCCI-SENSE STARTED
TINGLING AS IT-- .
>> Stephen: YES.
HA!
>> AS IT DOES WHENEVER SOMEBODY IN PERSONNABILITY-- IMPERSONATES
THE CHARACTER I PLAY, CAESER FLICKERMAN.
>> Stephen: STANLEY, PLEASE, FOR LEGAL REASONS I DON'T KNOW
WHO CEASE AR FLICKERMAN.
IS OBVIOUSLY THE CHARACTER I'M DOING IS HIS BROTHER JULIUS
FLICKERMAN.
>> OH.
LOOK, STEPHEN, YEAH, I-- .
>> Stephen: STANLEY, ST STANLEY, YOU SMELL SCRUMPTIOUS.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I UNDERSTAND THAT ARE YOU HAVING FUN HERE BUT CAESER FOR ME IS A
NUANCED ROLE, HE IS A LARGER-THAN-LIFE TV HOST WHO'S
HUNGRY FOR THE ADULATION OF THE CROWD AND WHOSE EFFERVESCENCE
MASKS HIS TRUE VULNERABILITY.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
>> CAESER FLICKERMAN IS THE ROLE THAT I'M PROUDEST OF, SECOND
ONLY TO MY PERFORMANCE OF MITCHELL GARABEDIAN IN THE FILM
SPOTLIGHT.
>> Stephen: STANLEY, WAIT A SECOND.
AM I HEARING YOU CORRECTLY S THAT THE SAME SPOTLIGHT THAT IS
OPENING IN SELECT THEATERS ON NOVEMBER 6th.
I HEAR IT'S GREAT.
YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP BY SOMETIME TO PROMOTE THAT.
(LAUGHTER) >> I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M SORRY, STANLEY.
I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS GETTING JULIUS FLICKERMAN SO VERY WRONG.
>> NO, STEPHEN, IT'S NOT WRONG, IT IS NOT WRONG T ISN'T-- NO,
NO, NO.
IT'S NOT WRONG AT ALL.
IT'S JUST THAT THOSE THEATRICAL MANNERISMS AND THAT BUBBLY
ATTITUDE, YOU'RE CLEARLY, YOU ARE MORE OF AN EFFIE TRINKET.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> OR PERHAPS HER BROTHER JULIUS TRINKET.
STANLEY, STANLEY.
(APPLAUSE) STANLEY, WILL YOU JOIN ME IN
CELEBRATING THE FALLEN?
>> I WOULD LOVE TO.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THEY HAVE FOUGHT BRAVELY AGAINST OBSCURITY BUT
ULTIMATELY-- WHO ARE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN?
>> OH, WEBB AND CHAFEE.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
WHO HE SAID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: TONIGHT WE SALUTE YOU.
>> Stephen: CITIZENS, GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREAT STANLEY TUCCI.