- Please give it up for Ali Siddiq, everybody.
Let him hear it.
Ali Siddiq.
(audience cheering)
- My story is about prison danger.
Seeing that I look so menacing, you know.
And I'm Black so you know it's gonna be about crime.
(audience laughing)
Let me tell you, prison is a odd place
because you do not know the rules.
No matter how many prison movies you've watched
and documentaries have locked up,
you still don't know the rules of what's going to happen.
So I'm on my way to what they call necessities.
Necessities is where your clothes,
you get your laundry and all that bullshit.
So I'm walking to necessities
and a dude just walks by and say, "Mexican got on boots."
I'm like, what (beep) does that mean?
(audience laughing)
Because it's like, what you mean Mexican got on boots.
Everybody got on (beep) boots.
So I thought.
Dude walked past "Mexican got on boots."
So I tell somebody else, "Mexican got on boots."
(audience laughing)
Dude look down and say, "Mexican do have on boots"
and just take off running.
I'm like, was I supposed to run?
(audience laughing)
'Cause the Mexicans have on boots?
So I asked the old dude,
I said, "Hey, Mexican got on boots."
He say, "All right, they got on boots."
I said, "What that mean?"
He said, "It's gonna be a riot."
I said, "You pretty calm about a riot."
(audience laughing)
I said, "How you know Mexicans got on boots
mean it's gonna have a riot?"
He said, "'Cause Mexicans don't wear boots
"on the rec yard."
"What they wear on the rec yard?"
He say "Sneakers, they play handball all the time."
So I'm like, does it still don't comprehend?
So I get back to my cell, I say, "Hey, you Mexican.
"What Mexican got on boots mean?"
He say, "That mean we gonna riot.
"We gonna stab a couple of Black guys up."
(audience laughing)
And I asked, "Does the riot happen in here?
(audience laughing)
"Like in this cell?
"Because me and you just finished eating together.
"What you mad at me about?
"I don't know."
Found a Black dude.
I'm like, "Yo.
"So what I do now that Mexican got on boots?"
They say "Man, look, you gonna need
"to find a dude named Cece and get you a knife."
It's 3,000 people on this unit.
How the (beep) I'm supposed to find Cece
I don't know.
(audience laughing)
So, I'm just walking around.
"Mexican got on boots, Cece."
(audience laughing)
"Mexican got on boots, Cece."
(audience laughing)
Dude walk, "What up, Cece?"
I say, "That's who I'm looking for right there."
I say, "Cece, I need a knife."
He said, "What type of knife?"
I don't know, I just (beep) got here.
(audience laughing)
So he put up a towel, went under his mattress,
took some shit out, slid some shit back,
and now it's eight knives in front of me.
It's like I'm at (beep) Macy's.
(audience laughing)
He like, "What kind of knife you want?"
I said, "Well, you know what kind of knife
"I need for a riot.
"I ain't never been to riot before."
He said, "I suggest something personal."
I said "Man, how much is a personal knife gon' cost me?"
"Two bags of coffee.
"Come back a little later on today."
I say, "Cool, Cece."
So, I wait three or four hours.
And I knew he was working on my knife
'cause I was down the cell and I heard
(scraping sounds) on the ground.
I say, "Yeah, my knife gonna be sharp than a mother (beep)."
(audience laughing)
So then this dude named Mitch say,
"Hey, you getting you a knife?"
I say, "Yeah, Cece working on my knife."
He say, "Man, you need more than that."
I say, "What I need now?"
He say, "You need to know about how to fight in the riot."
He say Mexican got on boots.
This is the reason why they have on boots.
So they can kick you in the (beep) shin while you fighting.
Boots are made outta metal.
So you got to do this.
This is Mitch.
This is in my cell teaching me how to be in a riot.
"Look, first of all, you gonna have to do a rock and lean.
"Mexicans gonna come out there.
"They gonna have they knives.
"You gonna have to have your shirt off with your knife.
"And when you do this, you gonna have to rock
"to see what foot the Mexican gonna kick you with."
I said, "This is too much.
"This is too much."
It's like a (beep) choreographed dance.
I don't know (beep) I'm doing.
So I'm waiting to get my knife.
I go back to Cece.
I say, "Yo, Cece, I need my knife."
He say, "Man, I just sold your knife."
(audience laughing)
I say, "Man, what the (beep), Cece?
"You said it was a personal knife for me.
"It cost two bags of coffee.
"Why it's not (beep) personal no more."
He say, "Man, it was personal.
"Then a dude came in with three bags of coffee.
"Then he made it business."
I said, "The riot about to jump off."
Hey man, do what you can do.
So I'm out there rocking with no knife.
(audience laughing)
I've been practicing this shit for two hours.
Rock.
I'm not getting kicked, but I'm getting cut.
I got cut down my side
from a Mexican who didn't even have on boots.
(audience laughing)