- We have all been talking a lot about bias
and discrimination lately.
I'm hopeful these conversations will eventually lead us
to challenging our views on all types of hate,
including what my next guest has faced.
Recently, TV personality Elizabeth Ries,
cohost of KSTP's "Twin Cities Live" in Minneapolis
was shocked when a viewer named Maggie
posted a comment about her.
It read, "I was so embarrassed for you.
"Either start working out or wear much longer shirts
"that cover your butt.
"You are definitely not a good example for fitness."
Elizabeth took to social media recently to address Maggie.
Take a look.
- Problem that I have with Maggie body-shaming me
is that science shows that if you are body shamed
or fat shamed you have a significantly higher risk
of developing a eating disorder.
I mean, we're not talking about just, like,
"It hurt my feelings and makes me feel bad."
We're talking about words that can cause an illness
that can lead to death.
- Well, we actually have Elizabeth on the line right now.
Hey, what's up girl, how're you doing?
- Hi Kelly, it's so nice to see you.
- It's nice to see you as well.
Man, I hate to relate to you on such a level
like this but, I mean, this is literally, every day
that ends on Y for me.
So I feel you.
That's why I, honestly, love this story
'cause I think it needs to be talked about more.
First let's see the shot that this woman was referring to.
Can you give us some context.
- Yeah, so, I was actually out doing half of our show live
at the "Home and Garden Show."
So we were having a good time showing people, like,
fancy chicken coups and things that I love (chuckles),
and having a good afternoon and I was wearing that outfit
that you see there.
I got two e-mails
during that day.
And why it really resonated with me is,
it was the same outfit, the same day, the same show,
the same everything, but two wildly different perspectives
on me, my body and my outfit.
- So how did the negative e-mail affect you?
- You know, it rattled me.
I mean, and it does because people have such access to you.
I mean, I was looking at my phone to check an e-mail
from producers that I was working with,
and then I get this e-mail from this woman Maggie,
essentially, saying, that I should be embarrassed
and I should be ashamed of my body.
And I should either start working out
or not wear clothes that show my body.
I mean, Kelly, I don't know how many more clothes
I could be wearing (laughs).
I wasn't really offensive.
- But I loved though too is that, for all those people,
trolls just sitting at home and shaming people.
There was the other post that you were talking about
that was wildly different, right.
So what did that post say?
- Yeah, so that really resonated with me.
So that one came from a woman named Julie, later on.
And she said something to the effect of,
"Elizabeth, I saw you out at the 'Home and Garden Show'
"and I loved the jeans you were wearing.
"I think those jeans would look great on me too.
"We have similar body types.
"Could you tell me what the band is?"
I thought about it the whole night.
I got those e-mails that day and I, kind of,
thought about it the whole night.
And then I woke up the next morning
and something just, sort of, spoke to me.
It's like, this still small voice within you that said,
"I need to say something about this."
And particularly it happened, Kelly,
I know you can relate to this
'cause I have a five-year-old daughter, and that morning
I was getting up and she was dancing around in our bedroom.
And she had put on some elaborate outfit for preschool
that day, and she was looking at herself in the mirror,
and she said, "Oh, momma, look at me, just look at me."
And that was the moment where I said, "This isn't about me."
I can get hurt feelings and that happens
and unfortunately that comes with the territory
of having a public job.
But, because of the juxtaposition of those perspectives
on the same outfit, and then seeing my daughter,
who was so beautifully, magically proud of everything
that she is, I said, "I have to say something."
And so I posted about those two women and their e-mails,
and I posted what I thought, really, was the deeper meaning
behind them, which was that Maggie was really projecting
her own self-hatred onto me.
And Julie was taking the opportunity to say,
"Hey, I see a confident, strong women,
"I'd like to be more like her."
And so the hashtag, "Be a Julie" began,
and Kelly, it went so viral.
I mean, my phone was like physically hot,
it was exploding (laughs) with messages.
- Yeah, I mean, I think, it's important too, I mean,
also to just call it out because I think a lot of people
they feel safe, like, behind their computer of phone,
and they just project, like you said,
so much of their own insecurities,
so much of their own inner, like, hatred of themselves
and it's like, and it's sad.
And I thought it was really important that you did share it
on social media, and I think that's why it went so viral.
So what kind of response have you received
since responding to Maggie publicly, like from other people?
- It's been incredible.
It's 1,000s upon 1,000s of messages.
And, you know, the hard thing was, it almost,
I had to, kind of, process it
because I was taking on so much
of people's pain and their stories.
Because, the social media aspect is one thing,
and when people can hide behind a keyboard,
but, Kelly, I was hearing stories from women
who were telling me, "I remember, when I was 10 years old,
"and my dad put me on a scale and said,
"'Nobody likes the fat girl.'"
They're telling me stories-- - I know friends,
that they're adult women, that their mothers have done that
because (indistinct) guy.
When my next guest saw Elizabeth on TV
talking about the criticism she received,
she had a revelation.
She says she body shamed her own daughter growing up
without even, really, realizing it.
We have Mary, actually, now, with us.
Hi, Mary, how're you doing?
- I'm doing great, thank you.
- Mary, what was your moment when you were watching
Elizabeth and that whole broadcast?
What was your moment after seeing what, kind of,
happened afterwards of realization that maybe
you were doing something that wasn't really healthy?
- Well, I think it was that Elizabeth commented
about e-mails and things that she had gotten from people,
and she said something about, "Grandmas and moms,
"I hope that you are understanding
"that things that you may say."
And it hit me, it just hit me that night,
'cause it was late at night I was watching it and I went,
" Oh," and I started to cry, and I said,
"I think this is me.
"I was that mom.
"I might still be that mom?
"And I don't wanna be that grandma."
- So what kinds of things do you think you were saying
"that maybe weren't helpful?"
- Yeah, I think it was things like,
"Oh, are you sure you want that?"
Or, say in the teenager years when wanted to wear clothes
that I didn't find appealing would be like
"Ugh, that shirt may be a little tight,
"pull it down a little bit."
I always told my kids, "Suck in your tummy."
That was what we were told when we were growing up,
"Suck in your stomach" all the time.
So just things like that that I thought were helping
because I didn't want anybody to make fun of the kids.
- Elizabeth, like, I mean, how do you feel
that you've had that kind of impact?
- It was unbelievable.
When I got Mary's e-mail, I mean,
I was going through, again, 1,000s of messages at the time.
And Mary's e-mail stood out to me like,
with this golden halo on it because she just said,
"I don't wanna be that grandma."
And she said,
"I am watching you and I'm weeping about this."
And that is what I think is so important to remember
is that, you can't just compartmentalize people
as bad or good, right.
We are good at somethings
and we're not so great at other things.
And for Mary to have opened her heart and opened her mind
and to really listen from a non defensive position and go,
"Oh, my gosh, now that I know better, I need to do better."
It was just so meaningful to me.
And I think she's so brave, and she's an amazing momma
and an amazing grandma.
And I just hope there are a million Marys out there
who can look at themselves and go,
"I can do better with this."
- Yeah, I mean, imagine where we would be at
in a lot of different areas
of the state of our nation, right now.
Sorry my dog, Henry, wanted to chime in (laughs).
But, imagine, if we had a bunch of people going,
stepping back and going,
"Hm, I wonder if I could grow in that area?"
And maybe you find out that maybe you don't need to,
or maybe you find out that you do?
I think just having that open mind and open heart,
that all change isn't bad is really cool.
So Mary, I did have one question for you.
So after your realized, you know,
you're sitting there with you're tears going,
"Oh, gosh, this was done to me
"and maybe I'm doing this to my children."
Like what did you,
did you end up having a conversation with your daughter?
- Well, it was late, but I texted her very late at night
and just said, "Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry, I was that mom.
"I say things that I should not have said."
And she's like, "Mom, are you kidding me?
"Forget it, I love you.
"I don't even remember what you said."
So I was thankful for that and she's a beautiful girl
and a wonderful mom.
So, you know, and we're best friends.
So I know it's good.
But I still carry that guilt in my heart,
the things that I said that maybe weren't so nice.
- You know what is really important about that Mary too,
just learning a lesson from you right now, for me is,
we're gonna make mistakes, like as parents,
like as moms and dads and aunts and uncles.
You know, we're all gonna make mistakes.
But the fact that you called,
and the fact that you were able to be non defensive,
like Elizabeth was saying,
"Hey, I'm not, I don't know if this affected you,
but if it did, that was not my intent,
"and you were this and this."
That's teaching your daughter to do that with her daughter
or her kids, you know.
It's such a good, I don't know, I have toddlers right now,
so everything is like a learning experience.
So, I'm like, with them I'm like,
"Okay, well, let's make this a learning experience,
"'cause we're angry right now."
So it's always about that, but I think that's such a great,
aside from this big issue that definitely needs to change
so we don't normalize something so unhealthy.
Aside from that, I think it's really important too,
like, just teaching your children of saying sorry
and that doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong.
- Right.
- Thank you so much, ladies.
- Thank you so much.