would you like a cocktail before we
begin
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yes please
[Applause]
Welcome to The Late Show I'm your host
Stephen Colbert today is baseball's
opening day it was 40 degrees but I
still ate ice cream out of a baseball
helmet why a New York grand jury voted
to indictment
let's go girls we are live
I knew I'd meet you one day absolutely
this is terribly exciting I want to go
back in time and tell little Stephen
Colbert he gets to do this for a living
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one two three
Stephen Colbert here at Thule Air Base
in Greenland the northernmost U.S
military base in the world is there any
chance I could ride the satellite while
it moves
I don't believe so sir what's the Worst
That Could Happen do you have the
courage to face the Colbert
questionnaire can I lie down
you can do anything
I am drowning in cuteness also there's
puppies here
come on up top baby
your dad and I want to talk to you about
your recent test scores we're not happy
with some of the results
but we do accept them that's right it's
important to accept results even if you
don't like them
do you know why six is afraid of seven I
do actually
okay
[Laughter]
because 789
did you ever think about a sequel to UT
no never
so
I'm Gonna Leave This with you
is
Chris Evans
recount stuff to steal are you nervous
to give Anthony fauci a shot I've done
this plenty of times but it's Anthony
bouchy or you're nervous that's like
pouring a drink for Jack Daniels and you
hype this conversation we're about to
have right now well the conversation is
Stephen A with Stephen Colbert I mean
what else is there to say it doesn't get
any better than this ladies and
gentlemen and if you think it does
[Applause]
check yourself
didn't Meet the Press this is the Late
Show we asked the tough questions let's
talk about your possible indictments how
many are you now facing
1850 and how many should you be facing a
15 million good evening Mr Mayor that's
an outright lie
ask you about your husband's arrest oh
Stephen I just hate hearing that word
arrest no husbands how many
accomplishments did you make up today
one two George Santos tells 10 lies
before breakfast it's an honor to be
back on your show this is actually your
first time here
according to my IMDb come at me top come
on
the sandwich is the whitest bread you
ever taste vice president Kamala Harris
are you in the executive branch or are
you in the legislative branch I am in
the executive branch
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just gotta save this show powder
lip gloss so to pump up the wrong
sitement he released a memoir the
courage to be free a title so
politically generic that I have already
forgotten it what was it again oh right
The Bravery to be flagged the commitment
to eat crayons the big tree I saw I
puked in the teacups how's it going so
far you have an okay time here yeah
fantastic
Stephen Colbert
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
can I just start by saying what a huge
fan I am of yours I am really enjoying
this interview right now I love you I
want to clone you 50 to 60 to 75 times
we need more of you in the world
[Applause]
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foreign
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