I think that my depression really got worse in the last
Five years or so, you know swallow a bottle of xanax because I thought that it would just make all the pain go away
and
obviously that
Wasn't a good idea. I'm kind of a freak. I'm like crazy
I'm a little messed up and everyone thinks it and I just might as well be gone
and so, you know, I'm gonna hit my two drunk drivers in my lifetime and I
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Ostracized from across society. Just got to suffer for my little anxiety. Please help me
I say quietly through gritted teeth and apply for sobriety. I'm here today with
Lauren York model and former Miss, Nevada
2017 so firstly thank you for agreeing to be on the channel and telling your story
No, thank you. So for those out there who maybe don't know who you are
Can you just tell us a little bit about what you do and and who you are? Yeah
I'm Lauren York. I am 25 years old and
I'm from California Southern California, and I have been modeling for
about eight years
I started doing pageantry, and I really love that and it kind of led me into my modeling career
So it's been great for me to be able to follow my dreams and pursue a career that I mean loved
So do you suffer from any mental illnesses?
yeah, so I actually suffer with anxiety and depression and
It's been in my life since I can remember something that was in middle school
And it really started mostly with
My anxiety and that's something that I kind of
On the date me and have for many years and then I got a little bit older and the depression kind of started to
sneak up and I think that
Just with different life issues and growing older
Those circumstances can kind of make your depression a little bit worse
So yeah, it's situational. It's something that I know I'm gonna do it for my whole life, but
You know, I've kind of coffee and a little bit under control at this point
So as you've just told us you suffer from anxiety and depression
how has anxiety and depression affected your life up until this point so
Like I said before, you know if it started with mostly just anxiety and then a couple years ago there were
there were a lot of different instances in my life where you know, I have family problems and personal problems and
You know you're in her early 20s and like it's tough. So I think that my depression really got worse in the last
Five years or so
and
with those those negative situations, I
noticed myself
falling into a deeper depression and it started to affect my life a lot when I realized we could get out of bed and I
Was tired all of the time and I I had lost all of my passion and my motivation for my work
Yeah, so not only was it affecting how I felt that every single day, but it was affecting my job
it was affecting my life because I was
Making less money and it was harder to pay my bills. And so
you know, I I got to a point where
My depression got so bad
that
You know, I didn't really know how to deal with it anymore on my own and I do have a lot of guidance or help
So I just got to a point where I was so depressed. I had locked myself in a room for a
Year, I wanted to be in the dark. I didn't want to be sigh and
it got so bad to the point where I didn't want to live anymore and I chose to
You know swallow a bottle of xanax because I thought that it would just make all the pain go away and
obviously
That wasn't a good idea
However, I'm kind of thankful for that moment because it forced me to when I was taken to the hospital
I was held on a 5150 for 72 hours
And it you know at Mission Hospital really gonna be hm. They have a great program there that
Really taught me a lot about what it was that I was dealing with and the therapists there
you know helped me learn about the illness and then also learn about the types of different things that can help you get better and
so that for me was a huge blessing because
It was such a it was like I had finally hit rock bottom and there was really nowhere else to go but up
So after those three days, I freaked out a little bit
but after those three days, I was a little bit changed and somebody had given me a
pamphlet about an ILP program which is called an outpatient program and
It was a 12-week program where I was able to go to therapy
Group therapy for three hours ago and every single day from 9:00 to 12:30
And I just really immersed myself in that in
Into therapy because I just knew that if I didn't fix this my life wasn't gonna get better. Yes
Yeah, so, you know
What was great about that program was it was something I chose to do?
and then it was something I was really invested in and I
At that point was able to meet with doctors who were able to get me on an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety
Which now I can even imagine myself not having because it's healthy. So yes
Yeah, and another thing too in that program
I also met my current therapist who you know
I see weekly and she that amazing to me and so we're able to can kind of continue on that work
So taking that bottle of xanax
Was kind of it literally turned your life around and it was kind of like from that point on
This is your new life. Yeah, and because without that you wouldn't have had the therapy that you're having today
And you wouldn't have found a therapist that you're still a man who's seen the medicine and just just the thought process of understanding
The illness itself. Yes, I
understood the
Anxiety a little bit but I didn't I didn't understand the depression part. I just thought this is who I am. Yes
I'm kind of a freak
I'm like crazy and a little messed up and everyone thinks it and I just might as well be gone. Yeah
no, it's not true at all not right and so I think more so I mean
obviously the therapist and them and the medication health but more so just
Understanding what it is that you're feeling and understanding
That they're so many other people that deal with it and it's not something wrong with you
It's just something it's just a struggle. That was a part of your life that you have to overcome
so how has being in the public valley and
suffering from anxiety and depression
affected that
It's made it very difficult, I think that when you suffer with anxiety depression
You tent Eisley yes, and this is the victim that I learned in therapy
So, you know, I tend to get kind of live people out of my life. I tend to put my phone away and
Call or text people back
Because I'm so it gives me so much anxiety to have to discuss things with people or talk work or business or whatever
so a lot of
My time and I spent two Pratt's was
keeping to myself and isolating and when you're a public figure and
Your job is is to be in the public eye and to make a presence. I know to look
Like you're on it all the time and to look perfect all the time. It makes it
extremely extremely hard because
It it's just almost like
You try you're just so trapped because if don't you don't want your whole job is to be doing something with
that's the last thing you want to do when you're feeling down about yourself and
you know confidence is also a big part of my career and you know when when you're depressed stuck confidence really goes down so
You know for me the biggest thing
When I was preparing to compete at Miss USA, and I was you know competing in pageants it
every girl has something that we call a platform and
It's it's basically something that's close to your heart something that you might have suffered through it. Your family might have suffered with
and it's usually, you know a charity or an organization that
you work closely with because you've been affected personally and
you know, it's important that
We as these
You know confidence from women share our struggles with the world so that we can help young women young men
Kind of see that we're human and we struggle too and we've overcome this and we've been okay
And things have worked out and so, you know, I'm gonna hit my two drunk drivers in my lifetime and I chose
to talk about
That and I'm not saying that the work that I did with Mothers Against Drunk Driving over the past
six seven years has been
Absolutely been positive and you know it is it is a serious issue and it is something that affected my life. However
The one thing I wish I had done was shared a story about myself that was more genuine and more real
and more true
because I think that I
Would be what I would have been able to relate to more people and I would have helped a lot more people
yeah, and so I regret that I
Was so immersed in my depression and anxiety at the time that I was too afraid
it
talk about it and discuss it with the world, you know something that I was almost ashamed of and
Something that I didn't understand so I thought for sure everyone else doesn't understand but had I been wearing I'm now
confident and strong enough to
Discuss it I think that I really would have made a bigger difference. So I'm just trying to take
The resources I have now to share that story because I really missed out on sharing it. Yeah when I should happen, yes
But at the same time I don't I don't blame myself because I just wasn't there I wasn't ready
You know
I still not figured out exactly what it was that I was dealing with and what I was going through and now that I've I
Can't I guess I won't say I've overcome it because it's something I'm gonna deal with, you know every day of my life
But I haven't become it in a way that I found
healthy ways of living and the healthy ways of dealing with
These problems and so yeah, I mean it's definitely affected me, but I'm also really thankful for the opportunity
I have to have a place to meet and share
My story with other people and hopefully be able to you know, make them see that just because my life might look on the outside
Perfect and happy and fun and Instagram might look great. And I've accomplished this and that it doesn't mean that my life is perfect
I mean behind the scenes I've struggled a
Lot, and I've overcome a lot and I want, you know everyone out there to know that
just because you deal with these mental illnesses doesn't mean that you
cannot overcome them and you cannot
fix them and find ways to help make your life better so that you can still be confident enough to
pursue your dreams and your path
Ostracized from across society. Just got to suffer from a little anxiety. Please help me
I say quietly through gritted teeth and applied disabilities. Take him back on on what you just said. I
Think it's important that no matter who you are. No
Matter, how big or small your platform is?
that everybody has a story before I felt like I was always kind of put in this box of like you must be a
little wild and out there and it was like now I just
misunderstood by you because you don't
You you've never felt these things they felt so when I was put in a room with people who went through the same stuff