When it comes to staying power, video games have an inherent disadvantage. Sure, there
are plenty of classics that still play great. But because they�re so dependent on interaction,
and because technological interaction changes so rapidly, games age a whole lot faster than
other forms of entertainment.
Movies from the 30s? Still great. Centuries-old books? As vibrant as ever.
This Xbox game from 2003 feels older than both.
I think I mentioned this in a prior review, but our ol� pal Fuzzelbob recently sent
us a bunch of games...with a letter attached. Speaking of antiquated...snail mail? Are you
kidding me? I love this. And then I read this.
So, worst game he owns, huh? I�ve got to tell you, I was skeptical. He sent us some
surprisingly decent games in that box, so...could Bionicle really be that bad? Uh, the answer
is yes. Yes, it�s really that bad.
In fact, it�s so bad.
You play as six different characters from Bionicle, which I guess is some kind of LEGO
series. There�s a story, but honestly...I have no idea. It makes no sense whatsoever.
The characters are having some kind of bizarre, ritualistic ceremony...some guy shows up,
with enemies chasing him...it starts a whole freaking war, somehow.
Whatever, I�m fine with that, as long as the war plays well.
This war doesn�t play well. Freaking...World War Boo.
So I guess you�d call Bionicle an action platformer. And really, if you�ve ever played
a licensed game, you�ll have a pretty good idea what to expect. Most of them follow the
same kind of template. There�s some basic 3D platforming, basic 3D combat, some obligatory
vehicle levels...lava world, desert world, water world, done.
Forty bucks, please.
Fortunately, Bionicle probably won�t cost you full price anymore. To be honest, you
shouldn�t be paying anything for it. Nonetheless, the game really struggles, due in large part
to its camera. You can�t control it, it just shifts around on its own...and the problem
is, your combat is based on auto-lock shooting. Only it�s called auto-lock, because there�s
nothing automatic about wrestling with the camera to get locked on.
The game�s most interesting mechanic is that...shooting requires energy, and to gain
energy, you have to absorb enemy fire. You do that by activating your shield at just
the right moment. But eventually, that becomes more annoying than it�s worth, and since
your energy slowly refills on its own, you don�t even need to do it.
Which negates the game�s only interesting idea.
Bionicle just doesn�t have much of a purpose. The game actually doesn�t play terribly,
but its terrible camera makes it seem that way. The game design�s as generic as it
gets, the presentation�s just awful...and even if you�re a Bionicle fan, this thing�s
only two or three hours long. Which, frankly, feels merciful...Fuzzelbob.
You weren�t kidding. This game is terrible.