- So eight weeks post-surgery and I am still in recovery,
which is not what I expected.
I was told that recovery from surgery last four to six weeks
but I guess it just depends on what kind of surgery you have
and also I was actually told that
because I was so ill beforehand
it would take me longer but mm, it is what it is.
So I really have no idea in terms of the trajectory
of when I will be 100% recovered.
The only things left, I say only,
they're like still pretty big things,
is that my wound internally still, like, hasn't healed,
like where they sliced me open down my stomach.
It is so much better, like I can stand up straight now
which is incredible,
but it's still very tight and just tender,
most of that is on the inside, like the outside,
the scar, is all healed and everything,
but because my internal wound is still healing
my abs are very much weak,
like the other day I had trouble opening a heavy door
because turns out you need your abs to do a lot of things,
like your core is important
and I don't have a very strong core right now.
So that's a physical thing
but the other thing is a mental thing,
like my mental capacity is not what it was.
I can't concentrate for long periods of time.
I need about nine to ten hours sleep,
otherwise I'm super tired.
I'm a lot more forgetful and disorganised
then I was, as well.
I'm hoping those things, like, get better
because I hate the idea of being a
disorganised, forgetful person.
I forgot my keys the other day
and I had to wait in my local pub
for my housemate to come back
because I didn't have keys 'cause I forgot them.
I never do that, I never do that, that's not who I am.
I don't want to be that person.
So, I have no idea how much longer it's going to be
until I am 100% recovered.
Also, am I setting my sights too high
at being 100% recovered?
Will I ever be 100% recovered?
I don't know
but I've made a list of some things that I would like to do
once I am fully recovered
and some of these things are really quite mundane
but when you've gone through what I've gone through
those mundane things like mean the world,
like the tiniest, little improvements
that I've had everyday mean so much
because to me that means I'm like on the right path
and things are getting better.
Whereas I spent so long with things getting worse
or just staying the same,
so I've just been counting all of those small things
and also even though I'm so much more mobile then I was
and I seem very jolly there are still a lot of things
that I can't do.
So this is my list.
I've come up with 15 things
that I would like to do or do again, be able to do again,
once I am recovered.
First thing is swim.
I miss swimming.
It was one of my main forms, bloody sun,
the lighting might change throughout this video
because the sun likes to go behind clouds,
so that's the thing.
Swimming was one of my main forms of exercise.
I just love swimming in a pool.
I find it very relaxing
and yeah can't really exercise right now
and number two is jog.
I would like to go for a job again,
and more specifically I've put run 5K.
I feel like the first 5K that I run after recovery
will be like a really momentous one for me
because when I was healthy I could just run 5Ks
like that was very easy for me.
Number three, go to a festival.
I have not been to a festival in awhile.
I really want to go to one this year.
I have no idea how it works with having a stoma
and what the best practise is with camping at a festival
and basically going for five days
without real showers or toilets.
It might be a case that I have to apply for disabled access
or something because I'm not entirely sure how that works.
If anyone's got any hot tips let me know.
Number 4, have a massage.
Oh my God, I love massages
and I have had one in so long
and my shoulders hurt so much and everything is so tense
but I haven't lay on my front in months.
Wow, that's so weird,
like something as simple as just like lying on your front
I haven't done in like three months.
5 is sunbathe with my stoma bag out.
It's just something that I want to do.
Well, I want to be in a bikini again
and that will happen in summer
and naturally my stoma bag will be out
but I'm the kind of person that would make a point of it,
like getting cool stoma bag covers or something.
I saw this one picture of a woman online
like looking super sexy in her bikini
and the stoma bag cover was the same colour as her bikini
and it just said, like, poop in a bag on it,
and I was like, gold, I like you.
Number six is do a underwear, swimwear photo shoot.
So I want some really gorgeous pictures
of me in my underwear with scar and stoma bag
just all out there to see
because I think that it's really important
for people to see different bodies
and for that to be visible.
Obviously that doesn't mean that everybody with a scar
or stoma bag is like obliged to be super confident
and do a photo shoot, but I feel like I am,
so I want to be able to do that
and be that visibility for people.
Also, I love having my picture taken.
Number seven is drink slash get drunk.
Still not sure about this
'cause basically I'm allowed to drink,
like I could if I wanted to drink alcohol right now.
I have to be a bit careful about it
because I'm more likely to get dehydrated
'cause I don't have a colon
but I'm allowed to drink alcohol.
I just haven't felt like it.
So I haven't had anything to drink in like three months.
This is probably the longest I've gone
without drinking alcohol.
I did dry January guys by complete accident.
I'm not making any decisions right now
as to whether, like, I'm going to be a drinker again
or I'm going to be a non-drinker
but I never drank loads to begin with
which you probably don't believe
because of my whole drunk advice series.
I've never been a massive drinker.
I'm not making any decisions on that,
just if I happen to be in a situation
and I'm like, you know what, I feel like having a drink,
I'll do it.
Number eight is travel.
So one of the things that is
making me feel quite down at the moment
is the fact that I have no travel plans.
I have got nothing booked in
and that never happens for me.
I realised how privileged that sounds
but I always have something booked in the future
and something to look forward to
and right now I just don't
and that kind of sucks for me.
One of the reasons is of course being ill
and not being able to make any plans
and I'm not sure how long it is
until I'm allowed to get on a plane.
I might be able to get on a plane now, I don't know,
but with long-haul flights
I think I have to be careful of the bag
'cause it can balloon or something.
I need to read up on that.
And the other reason is
because I'm moving house, I've bought a place,
and so that's going to take up loads of time
and I don't just want to like move in and then go away
and also it's taking up loads of money.
So I don't really have the money to currently like
book a holiday even if it was booking it
for like the later end of the year,
I don't have the money to do that right now.
I just want to travel somewhere.
I just want to go on like a city break
or something really quick and cheap,
like two nights somewhere, I just need, I need to travel
and now the sun is back and it's super overexposed.
(scoffing)
(blows raspberry)
Number nine is go out out, not just out,
but go out out, slash dancing.
Yeah so right now, even though I'm more mobile
I can't really like, you know,
bust out my dance moves that I used to be able to do.
I had friends over for my birthday
and the song Chandelier by Sia came on
and Callum made a joke to me
about how I can't like get up and do my usual thing
which is whenever Chandelier comes on at a party
I just start doing the music video dance
or at least what I remember from it, which isn't a lot,
and I just start flailing myself around the room,
definitely can't do that right now.
I really want to go out dancing.
This is as much as I can do, is like this.
Yeah. (laughs)
Number 10 is build Ikea furniture.
Now hopefully I'll be able to do this
before I am fully recovered
because I'm going to be building
a lot of Ikea furniture when we move.
As long as like Dan does all of the heavy lifting
but I do that following instructions
and making sure all of the pieces are there,
and combining them, and like hammering things in,
and screwing things in, you know,
as long as I'm not lifting anything I should be fine.
Number 11 is spa day.
So I was supposed to have a spa day with my mom and sister,
it was going to be a joint birthday, Christmassy thing
for all three of us,
but we had to cancel that
because I was ill and I couldn't do that.
Once I'm fully recovered hopefully we'll do another
Witton girls spa day, that would be great.
Number 12 is I would like to not have
any phantom poo feelings.
They are so weird.
So I still get like feelings in my bum hole
that I need to do a poo
and obviously I can't, like it's physically impossible
for anything to come out my ass anymore.
So imagine you get that needing to poo feeling
but you can't release it, you can't satisfy that urge.
I just have to wait until it passes
which isn't satisfying.
Number 13 is be able to concentrate on work for a full day.
That would be great.
I used to wake up at 7:30 and I'd be sat my kitchen table
on my laptop by nine and would work through till five or six
with a lunch break.
I'm so self-disciplined
but now I kind of maybe do a half-day work
or like little bits here and there
and then my brain just can't concentrate anymore
and it just gets tired or my body gets tired
and that's it, I'm like, well that's me done for the day.
Number 14 is stand up at a gig.
So I've been to two gigs since being back home,
both of them were First Aid Kit
and I booked the tickets before I got ill
and so we had to get the tickets for both of them
switched from standing to seating,
both venues were super accommodating
and that was really easy.
To be honest, sitting at a gig
is great for someone of my height
but I do love being amongst it
and when you're sat down, I feel like I can't like dance
and sing like as much or as loudly that I would want to
if I was standing.
Well maybe that will come in with the festival thing
but I would like to experience a gig standing again.
And then number 15 is I would like to be able to
crack my back fully.
So one of the small things that I noted
in terms of like me getting better and better everyday
and these small improvements
was that I can crack my back again but only little bits.
So I used to crack my back loads and my neck.
I do like full neck cracks,
and like twist my back the whole way around
but I can't do that anymore.
It was a glorious day.
I had IV lines into my neck
and still kind of have bruising from those needles
and like there was stitches in there
so there's still like marks and stuff
but as soon as they got taken out
I was like crack, crack, crack and that was incredible,
but it's taken so much longer for my wound to heal
and I can now like do like that
and sometimes it will crack
but sometimes it won't crack
because I need to, like, twist it even further around
and I can't quite do that yet.
I can't twist more to my left and then to my right
like I can't go further than there.
This is what I'm saying, I can't dance
'cause I can't like move.
Yeah I know it's bad for you cracking your back
but I just need to scratch that itch.
Those are 15 things that I would like to do
once I am fully recovered.
I don't know if making lists like this
is a good thing or like detrimental to my recovery
because it's like what if my expectations aren't met
and you know, I don't want to set myself up for failure
and I need to give myself time
and I need to be patient with myself during this process
and patience is not one of my virtues.
We'll see.
I enjoy making all these lists,
like I made the list in hospital
of foods that I wanted to eat
but also I like making those lists
because I think I would forget some of those things
that I want to do
and so when I do full recover I can like tick them off
and like feel extra satisfied.
Thank you so much for watching.
Please give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it
and let me know in the comments any other little things
that you think that I should do or enjoy
once I'm recovered or if you've been through surgery
or been through a similar thing
what were the small joys that got you through that process,
like the small, little improvements
that you noticed that maybe no one else would.
Don't forget to subscribe
'cause I make new videos every week
and I'll see you soon.
Bye.
(smooth music)
(cheering)